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Except we are talking about the OP, not about you. The OP says he gets it. You don't have to be distant just because you keep your hands to yourself. For the OP, maybe not for you, a handshake and/or a smile seems like the best way forward. Nothing creepy about hugging and kissing your mom and your relatives and them hugging and kissing you back. If that is cringeworty, than you are more than just quirky.
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Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist
Give some to yourself in return: . You ought to get out more. Not everyone is standoffish and distant; every group is different. Maybe it's the circles I hang in, considering how Meetup attracts quirky types who aren't too proud to use it. But in my groups, hugs are a normal thing, and I don't view them as more than what they are: a friendly greeting. Women give hugs freely, and men don't abuse the privilege (like getting physically clingy during). The "system" works and self-polices very well. And you have no idea how cringeworthy it came off when you said "woman's touch" and "mom" in the same sentence!
This! It's a living proof of another Red Pill 101 concept: if a woman is interested, she WILL initiate. Be it texts, touches, or date invitations. The man you observed seemed awfully insecure. He had to keep initiating touch repeatedly, as though trying to test her response to it, and possibly showing "thirst" in the process. Speaking of which, there's a world of difference between a woman allowing something and a woman enthusiastically reacting to it.
Give yourself
There's no such thing anymore as "He was talking about friendly touch with women he knows or sort-of knows, the touch that shows comfort and respect, rather than sexual interest." It's creepy. The fact that the OP is giving it so much thought and desire is a bit strange. It seems to be a substitute for real intimacy. Shake hands or just say hi. Times have changed. If you want to feel a woman's touch get a girlfriend or hug your mom or other female relatives.
yea! I have a female friend that wants her boyfriend to be touching her all the time
He has to hold on to her hand, give her a peck on the cheek every half hour or so etc.!
So OP can find someone that wants this and all will be good!
Want non-sexual hugs? Join a sports team. Watch any soccer or rugby game and you'll see how it is. Your teammates will provide you with all your ribcage can stand.
This seems to be something that has developed in team sports in just the last several decades. Teammates prior to the 1970s did not do this at all. The "high-five", slapping hands or bumping fists wasn't done among anyone before the mid-'60s. I think that the inclusion of women into organized sports at that time, is responsible for a lot of it and some rubbed-off on the men. It seems ridiculous to me and wastes a lot of time and energy. The athletes seem to be insecure, without it. Doing it with an athlete after a failed effort, is the most silly example of it. My own sports activities have been mostly in individual athletics and so there's little of it that affects me.
Oh! That explains everything you described, including the treatment you got. A wedding is NOT a social dance venue; it's an event where people know each other and come for a purpose. Unless most guests are young and single, weddings are by and large a "bring your own dance partner" venue. You're supposed to come with your significant other, scramble to find a date last minute, or sit out the dancing portion. It's usually not a place where dancers mingle around, like in a salsa club or a dance studio. You basically committed a mild faux pas. Learn your lesson, and going forward, look for dance partners at appropriate dance venues.
I myself went to a wedding a few years ago, and knew better than to approach women, so I flew under the radar, I hope. (Although I can't help but wonder if the garter was tossed in my direction on purpose. ) A friend's girlfriend was even courteous enough to offer to swing dance with me for one song, but she met me before and he trusted me.
What you are saying is only 60% true I think a wedding could really become a "social dance venue" if a relatively young couple is getting married and invites lots of single guests. Or if this is a very formal wedding but let's say there is one bored friend of a bride who doesn't have a date and likes to dance. I think asking for a dance a few times is perfectly reasonable as long as someone doesn't become a nuisance...
Call it a demonstration of my lack of social awareness, then. What I did was socially unacceptable...it's why I tend to err on the side of closing up. If I'm going to be seen as weird I'd rather be "quiet and shy" weird than "this creep doesn't get it" weird. I've had that experience far more than I care to admit, feeling that icy sinking pit in my stomach that says "You've screwed up and they want you to leave."
Socially unacceptable is a big of an exaggeration... I hope you asked a couple of time politely and then stopped. There is nothing socially unacceptable in what you have done as long as you did not become a nuisance...
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) A friend's girlfriend was even courteous enough to offer to swing dance with me for one song, but she met me before and he trusted me.
I think a wedding could really become a "social dance venue" if a relatively young couple is getting married and invites lots of single guests. Or if this is a very formal wedding but let's say there is one bored friend of a bride who doesn't have a date and likes to dance. I think asking for a dance a few times is perfectly reasonable as long as someone doesn't become a nuisance...
