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Old 06-05-2019, 05:38 AM
 
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I have no desire whatsoever to interact with people I don't know on the street so of course I completely block them out. Had some nutcase riding the subway last week who took it upon himself to loudly and enthusiastically approach strangers as if they were old buddies. After he was ignored a couple of times he explained to the poor girl across from him (who'd made the mistake of eye contact) that he'd found his calling in life and was going to be 'the face of change'. His intent was to spread love and bring strangers together by just injecting himself into their space with loud, boisterous friendliness. He said to the poor girl 'I'll keep talking to you but I don't know what stop you're getting off at'.

I wonder if he encountered any realllllly unfriendly types who took offense at his intrusion and told him so.
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Old 06-05-2019, 06:23 AM
 
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
5,353 posts, read 5,776,727 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LongIslandMatt View Post
I struggle with eye contact. I'm a middle aged man who's probably an introvert. Generally I don't make eye contact with strangers, and I don't make as much eye contact as considered ideal even with the many people I know and work with. We talk, I just don't stare at them much.
I get that. You're probably a shy introvert, which in my case has been a double whammy. I am good at eye contact with people I know well, but people I don't know well I have a hard time. However, I am good at in in interviews or when I first meet someone. Strangers is a different story. I'm sure I unintentionally come off as aloof, which sucks. I need to get in the habit of smiling more. Such a small thing I know can make a huge difference, but just feels awkward to me.

Strangers who aren't potential dating material, I don't even notice. But if its an attractive woman, I do look, just try not to stare, and can be shy with the eye contact. I'm better on dates, but its a conscious effort.
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Old 06-05-2019, 07:58 AM
 
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This topic kind of reminds me of the song "Under My Thumb" by the Rolling Stones.


Under my thumb
Her eyes are just kept to herself
Under my thumb
Well I can still look at someone else


I have noticed, with myself, that since I've been married, I don't "look around". I'm not looking to catch some cute guy's eye.
But in my role at work, I do try to look people in the eye, briefly, and smile. I think it shows that a person is being acknowledged...as opposed to talking to someone, but not really looking at that person.


When I was young and single, I remember a couple of instances where a guys stared at me as a flirtation thing, and I liked it. One of the times, my sister and I were at a fast food place, and a couple of guys came in got food and sat down. They were cute. My sister and I are chatting and eating, and I glance at the guys...and one of them winked at me. And he WAS a cutie.


I tried to be smooth...looked away, looked down, and whispered to my sister that one of the guys winked at me. She didn't believe me. I look up, he winks at me again. I tell my sister "He just winked at me again." Now I'm flustered. Long story short, when we finished our food we got up to leave, the guys got up to leave, and they followed us home. (At the time, my sister and I were still living with my parents.) We got out of the car, and the winkie guy (Bob) asked me for my phone #.


He was bold, flirty, and the eye contact with a stranger worked. lol
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Old 06-05-2019, 07:59 AM
 
Location: Southern MN
11,969 posts, read 8,293,189 times
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The dominant answer here confirms what I've noticed - several generations younger than my children who seem to go out of their way to avoid eye contact with strangers. The only other place I've been where this was so obvious was in Seattle, WA. But that just looked cultural and casual.

What I see here in MN looks uncomfortable, almost fearful. It's obviously contrived. You see the glance up, the recognition that a stranger is approaching and then the concentrated effort to pretend they don't notice. My response is nearly a cringe and I find myself feeling sorry for the person. That's my response because it looks to me like I am seeing reactionary avoidance. I wonder how that person feels about his place in society and his ability to navigate it.

I can list half a dozen reasons why this behavior is increasing in our social interaction. I think we are becoming alienated from each other. It looks unnatural and unhealthy to me.

MN fifty years ago, except for high density areas perhaps, was a place where people made eye contact and often smiled or waved at each other whether they knew each other or not. I sense that it was an expression of "Hello, fellow Minnesotan. Here we are seeing and acknowledging each other." Some would say "namaste" - the spirit in me recognizes the spirit in you. Or "I greet the place where you and I are one."

Something is changing us.
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Old 06-05-2019, 08:25 AM
 
13,262 posts, read 7,964,930 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lodestar View Post
The dominant answer here confirms what I've noticed - several generations younger than my children who seem to go out of their way to avoid eye contact with strangers. The only other place I've been where this was so obvious was in Seattle, WA. But that just looked cultural and casual.

What I see here in MN looks uncomfortable, almost fearful. It's obviously contrived. You see the glance up, the recognition that a stranger is approaching and then the concentrated effort to pretend they don't notice. My response is nearly a cringe and I find myself feeling sorry for the person. That's my response because it looks to me like I am seeing reactionary avoidance. I wonder how that person feels about his place in society and his ability to navigate it.

I can list half a dozen reasons why this behavior is increasing in our social interaction. I think we are becoming alienated from each other. It looks unnatural and unhealthy to me.

MN fifty years ago, except for high density areas perhaps, was a place where people made eye contact and often smiled or waved at each other whether they knew each other or not. I sense that it was an expression of "Hello, fellow Minnesotan. Here we are seeing and acknowledging each other." Some would say "namaste" - the spirit in me recognizes the spirit in you. Or "I greet the place where you and I are one."

Something is changing us.

I think a lot of it is because we put ourselves out there, for the good or the bad, online. And we expose ourselves to far more hatefullness and meanness...not to mention all the diversity of varying opinions on, well...everything under the sun. We voluntarily do this to ourselves more or less on a daily basis.


It's a good thing AND a bad thing. On one hand, I think it's good to know about various thoughts, backgrounds, cultures, etc. It expands us. But also...it can be stressful.


Regarding Minnesotans...way back in the day, I used to work for a major mortgage escrow company. Part of my responsibility was calling and talking to tax collectors all around the country. Minnesota and Wisconsin tax collectors were ALWAYS the nicest, friendliest, easy going people. A joy to work with.
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Old 06-05-2019, 08:30 AM
 
Location: Central New Jersey
2,516 posts, read 1,684,366 times
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I always maintain eye contact. Whether it be family, friend or a stranger I just met. Today's youth are unable to make and maintain eye contact as many are so use to living in the virtual world.
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Old 06-05-2019, 02:21 PM
 
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i only look people in the eye if i know about them already.
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Old 06-05-2019, 04:28 PM
 
Location: Ohio
226 posts, read 297,012 times
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People compliment me for making eye contact but the truth is I'm looking at their mouths because I'm hard of hearing. I see no reason to correct them.
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Old 06-07-2019, 10:35 AM
 
6,005 posts, read 4,764,867 times
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Reading through this thread makes me realize that I am a Midwestern person, totally. I live in Wisconsin, grew up here, although I've lived elsewhere and traveled extensively. This week I have said hi, hello, how are you to more people than I can count. As I was exiting Kwik Trip (they're everywhere in WI,) a cute young guy winked at me when I smiled at him. It's just kind of the Midwestern thing, I guess.

Yesterday I was outside, painting, when an elderly woman pulled up and asked for directions. We ended up having a conversation for 20 minutes. Then about 2 hours later, an elderly man on a bike rode past and I waved to him. He circled back around and we chatted for 20 minutes!

There's construction going on in my neighborhood and the workers often say hi and ask how I'm doing. Let me also tell you that I'm almost always braless and covered in paint! No one seems to care around here. It's kind of nice, actually. I can't imagine living in a place where you're judged by how you look all the time. People in Wisconsin are pretty down to earth for the most part, especially in smaller towns. If you want to chat with strangers while looking like you just rolled out of a Dumpster, it's okay. I'm living proof! So, I guess I probably do make eye contact with people more often than what might be "normal." I smile and chat with people, too. I don't do it as much when I go to Chicago or New York City or other large metropolitan areas. I was in an antique store in NYC and the proprietor said, "You cannot be from here. Are you from Michigan or somewhere? Are you married? Do you want to marry my son?" Apparently she found my talkative demeanor "charming," although I imagine some people just find me obnoxious.
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Old 06-11-2019, 10:28 PM
 
Location: Dallas-Fort Worth Metroplex
585 posts, read 361,257 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lodestar View Post

I can list half a dozen reasons why this behavior is increasing in our social interaction. I think we are becoming alienated from each other. It looks unnatural and unhealthy to me.
I completely agree. It's only exacerbating our alienation and loneliness, and then we wonder why people aren't friendly anymore....well, we're not smiling at each other enough!

You see, I've been blessed with severe resting b**** face. Partially due to my shyness and introversion, and partially because I'm so in my thoughts and unaware of my face, haha. Because I've been asked "Are you okay?" so many times, I've been trying to develop a habit of wearing a faint smile. I've extended that to smiling at people passing by, if we happen to make eye contact. It's excruciatingly uncomfortable for my shy self, but I know it's good for me and others.
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