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OP: As an exercise in awareness, next time you are about to do something "nice," examine your motives and ask yourself *why* you are doing whatever. What is the payoff?
One can have a friendly disposition and still be ‘people smart’ or intelligent. Kindness (or being pleasant/courteous in public) doesn’t automatically negate awareness or make one naive/stupid. There is a huge difference between being a ‘pushover’ and being ‘nice’. The former has to do with how easily someone is influenced and nothing to do with being nice or courteous. Pushovers lack awareness.
I've been told by multiple people my whole life that I am too nice. They say it like it's a bad thing. People have told me, "I like you, but you are too nice." "You are way too nice." I'm told by multiple people that I am extremely polite and that I am one of the sweetest most kindest guys they've ever met. However, people have also told me that I should not be too nice.
I am honestly just being myself.
Why is being too nice a bad thing?
Being "too nice" makes people think of you as not authentic, I guess. I hear that word a lot. Nice people are phoneys to most folks. It means you are trying too hard to be friendly which in turn inhibits the ability to be genuine.
Overly nice people rarely make true friends. They are often thought of as "weird" or unworthy of friendship because they are seen as not really being interested in getting deeper than the surface with others. So yes, being too nice is thought of as being superficial.
I'll be the first to admit that I am probably way too nice in real life and labeled "weirdo" by most people because I tend not to want to get much involved with people on a close personal level. Kind, extremely polite people are usually guilty of creating ineffectual relationships. Sad but true.
Reality isn't always nice, so I guess when a person always is, it doesn't seem real.
I am happy to report that no one has ever said I am too nice. Ever.
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Being "too nice" makes people think of you as not authentic, I guess. I hear that word a lot. Nice people are phoneys to most folks. It means you are trying too hard to be friendly which in turn inhibits the ability to be genuine.
Overly nice people rarely make true friends. They are often thought of as "weird" or unworthy of friendship because they are seen as not really being interested in getting deeper than the surface with others. So yes, being too nice is thought of as being superficial.
I'll be the first to admit that I am probably way too nice in real life and labeled "weirdo" by most people because I tend not to want to get much involved with people on a close personal level. Kind, extremely polite people are usually guilty of creating ineffectual relationships. Sad but true.
It’s bizarre stereotyping on your part to assume nice people are incapable of making friendships. Are you suggesting being hateful or nasty at the world is more successful in that endeavor?
No one is nice all the time - it depends on how well you know the person, your level of interest, your mood, whether you are interested in engaging or not, etc. You are making all kinds of sweeping generalizations.
I've been told by multiple people my whole life that I am too nice. They say it like it's a bad thing. People have told me, "I like you, but you are too nice." "You are way too nice." I'm told by multiple people that I am extremely polite and that I am one of the sweetest most kindest guys they've ever met. However, people have also told me that I should not be too nice.
I am honestly just being myself.
Why is being too nice a bad thing?
I would rather be associated with "nice" people any day than meanies. I have a lot of nice, good people in my life and can't imagine them not being there. You are young OP and lots of years to find yourself and place in the world.
Just don't be a doormat to anyone. Take Nice Care of yourself.
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The cartoon character "Underdog" played the role of another character, "Shoe Shine Boy", and even with his meek, humble nature knew he should be suspicious of those he served.
After shining someone's shoes, and they paid him, he checked to make sure it was real money, and not just candy that looked like money:
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