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Growing up, my parents questions every move I made. Literally. Even using the tactic "what will people think of you if you do XYZ" To the point now that I question everything. Am I making the right decision? What will so and so think if I decide on X instead if Y? Am I smart enough? Am I good enough? Will they like me?
It's constant. I think it all has to do with your upbringing, and genetics.
That is exactly how I was raised. I truly believe it took 10 years to undo it after realizing this is what was happening. Even now I have to repeat a few affirmations to stop me from doing what I did in the past.
I understand the reasoning of what you are saying, but one rule I learned is this: I'm too good to compete with others. All I do is I compete only with myself. And that is enough motivation to improve. No need to bring down the wall And, as a matter of fact, this approach already paid me back countless times. I would not be in place and state where I'm now if I would compete with others or would think low of myself.
Motivation is tricky. It is very difficult to pass on one's own motivation to another because as another poster said, our affirmations don't always work in every situation. Affirmations are strategies that help us resolve conflict within ourselves. They are dependent on our intrapersonal skills as well as interpersonal skills. The more skills we have, the more adaptable our affirmations become. Dealing with situations should become less complicated, not more.
They have an inner dialogue that is defeating but it's so ingrained that they don't realize how it affects nearly every interaction they have.
There are many potential "causes," but it's different from just lying to yourself that you are superior. LOL
Now I get the original post after reading the responses. Why does low self-esteem bother the OP so much? I know people who have it and I make sure to show them gratitude. Even I fall victim to it sometimes. I can't imagine thinking I am better than them.
I never understood the "low self-esteem" thing. For me it seems natural to think "I'm the best". And when reality does not comply - then twist the reality, invent some explanation, etc, but never change your attitude. So when people deliberately admit themselves lower than someone else, or, worse, than everybody else - it just doesn't make any sense to me.
Then how low self-esteem originates?
I do not believe in low self esteem.
I believe in personality differences.
The same folks who tend to claim someone has low self esteem are often the same folks who claim everyone is equal or that we all came from some common ancestor and so we are all one big family now, the ultimate goal being to create a robotic sort of human existence - everyone falling in line, being loyal to one "god."
For a lot of people it resulted from someone else abusing them, ridiculing them, constantly putting them down to the point they began do doubt themselves or feel unworthy of approval. An overbearing parent, relative, sibling, or partner...someone who's opinion they valued. Their words have power. If someone hears nothing but bad about themselves it is going to shake their confidence.
Not necessarily. It can definitely stem from yourself, i.e. the thoughts in your head and how you interpret what you see and hear as you live life. Comparing yourself to people can really tank your self esteem. You observe that other people can do things better than you can, which makes you feel like a loser and not good enough. Comparing yourself to your friends' grades, test scores, SAT scores, college admissions, then jobs and salaries. These people need others to constantly praise them to boost their self esteem.
The OP needs to take a psychology class. Of course some people hate themselves! Of course some of us have low self esteem! Just because you don’t understand this does not make it untrue.
I realize that the idea of ego is a construct, but I do think it is useful as such. Some of us have stronger egos than others. Personally, I suspect that this is a thing that is a permanent part of our lives. We inherit a tendency, that is reinforced, or not, by our upbringings and experiences. This is my opinion, though. I can’t really know this.
I had three kids. Two of them have what I would call strong egos. Another does not. All three live useful and successful lives,
Not necessarily. It can definitely stem from yourself, i.e. the thoughts in your head and how you interpret what you see and hear as you live life. Comparing yourself to people can really tank your self esteem. You observe that other people can do things better than you can, which makes you feel like a loser and not good enough. Comparing yourself to your friends' grades, test scores, SAT scores, college admissions, then jobs and salaries. These people need others to constantly praise them to boost their self esteem.
FWIW, I did say "for a lot of people". I didn't say "for everyone". That's obviously not so.
If one or both of the parents are perfectionist and controlling type people, they could very well unintentionally plant the seeds of self doubt into the brain of their child causing that child to develop emotional issues, such as low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence, an inferiority complex, nervous social anxiety, and prone to unhealthy addictions thru out his or her lifetime.
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And, as a matter of fact, this approach already paid me back countless times. I would not be in place and state where I'm now if I would compete with others or would think low of myself.
