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Dear Folks; I have been pondering this question for a while. Do you think children who were raised with narcissists have these traits also, however subtle, even without knowing they do? Do you know anyone who was raised by a narcissisist who unknowingly became one too, as much as they themselves disliked narcissistic traits in their caregiver's or even spouses ?
To answer your 1st question, sometimes yes, but not always.
For the 2nd question, I know of some people who were raised by narcissists, but the ones I know don't dislike those traits or probably don't even ever think about it. They're too wrapped up w/ themselves. Their minds don't think about that kind of thing. They're shallow, impulsive people who live in the NOW.
Not me but my fiance' has recently cut off ALL 5, yes all 5 members of his family (both parents & 3 siblings) & he doesn't feel bad about it. It had to be done after he gave them unteen chances throughout the yrs. They're ALL narcissists & if you've done any research on NARCISSISM, you'll learn that they're wastes of space, contribute nothing in any positive way, & never change but get worse as time goes on.
My fiance' is nothing like any of them. He doesn't have a shred of narcissism in his body unlike them who are all overflowing w/ it. I've seen how they all are first-hand & can give endless exmaples of the narcissistic things they've said & done. They all emotionally ganged up on him, so I'm sure that's why he's so different. He says that even if he wasn't their scapegoat that he'd still be the way he is now, but I'm personally not so sure because the way one was raised shapes their personality.
Due to my fiance's family members, him & I had begun studying narcissism. Although the topic is negative, it's also interesting to learn how their minds work, which is a totally different way of thinking than ours.
Thank-You for your response. Yes, it is a personality disorder. I also met someone who was abused by narcs as a child, like your fiance. He was determined not to be like them and entered therapy, did the work, learned a highly marketable skill, successfully raised a family, but later became divorced. He thought he had all his ducks in a row, until he met and fell deeply in love with a woman who abused him. He then became a covert stalker to maintain some control, and to somehow get even. Out in society though, he was a shining example of virtue, but when subsequent relationships failed, or if anyone intelligently opposed his opinions on topics he strongly believed in, he became totally self-righteous and defensive and never had anything to do with them again, or the people who sided with them. This is covert narcissism I think. You sometimes may know if some traits carry over when you are in a highly stressful situation and you also, subconsciously, respond to others like the narcs you were raised by.
Last edited by glenninindy; 08-29-2019 at 12:02 AM..
My parents are narcissists so the topic is tough. You can easily lose your tether to reality with this question. It's also not helpful if people float about the question or cherry-pick it without really understanding how problematic narcissistic parents are.
I've definitely acted immaturely as a young adult. My main problem was approval-seeking from others, and sometimes it used to pain me if anyone else received attention or praise in the same room. Another problem is that I've found myself very good at detecting lies, however others have said that I can make it impossible to know if I'm telling the truth or not.
There's things that definitely helped. One was observing their interactions with other people. Even in my immature state, their behaviors to others were shocking to me. They would clearly attempt to manipulate others, or they were being manipulated in return (narcissists are gullible). Then they'd turn to me and I'd feel reassured. It didn't add up, so I questioned these episodes ruthlessly.
I've also noticed narcissism in other people, and that assures me. My theory is that narcissists don't identify narcissism in themselves or others. They also never willingly research or seek help about themselves because they can't bear being wrong or expanding their ability to handle emotions. If anything they become worse with age.
But I don't believe this cyclic theory that narcissists create narcissists. It doesn't work like that. They create such dysfunctional households that any kind of personality disorder or negative trait can develop. And then there's the natural growing-up which no one escapes from.
Thank-You; You are correct. This topic has too many variables attached with it which can easily mislead people away from the truth. Your post makes a lot of sense. My Psychology professor use to say to me, "Jerketts breed Jerkina's". I would like to publicly apologize here for his statement.
Last edited by glenninindy; 08-29-2019 at 01:46 PM..
Whoever said upthread about people with Asperger's having trouble with lying, that is so true. I had to actually teach my son to use white lies in order to get along socially. He was in literal tears the first time. He didn't want to hang out with a friend who would come over a lot, maybe too much. One day he said he didn't want to hang out with his friend but didn't know what to say to not hurt his feelings. Thus started the training in white lies.
Dear Folks; I have been pondering this question for a while. Do you think children who were raised with narcissists have these traits also, however subtle, even without knowing they do? Do you know anyone who was raised by a narcissisist who unknowingly became one too, as much as they themselves disliked narcissistic traits in their caregiver's or even spouses ?
When you are raised by a narcissists you will lack certain guidance directly from that parent. I think people are labeled narcissists when they show selfish behavior. So when a parent is being selfish, they cannot possibly model to their children how to control those feelings so that boundaries are not being crossed.
Lessons on controlling feelings, adapting to negative situations, setting boundaries, and communicating those boundaries will be almost non-existent with a parent who is a narcissist. But there are other people who might take up that role.
I would be careful about calling some behavior subtle traits of a narcissist. People are human after all and nobody is perfect. Sometimes we can feel vulnerable and may make choices that are selfish.
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