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This might come off as a humble brag, and if it does well, not my intention, but can't control how things are perceived.
All my life I've been pretty popular, I have friends from all stages in my life (grammar school, high school, college, grad school) and every company I have worked at I have made friends in each which I still see regularly. In my family I am deemed as one of the "favorites" partially due to me being the only male in a family that is pretty much ALL women, and also I tend to be the most patient and positive one to be around. I am aware that I am very pleasant person to be around which is part of the reason why I think I get so much attention.
Why do I bring this up? Lately, I have just been feeling burned out and exhausted. Not from work or cause of things to do, but the attention I get. I have friends and family that I am their go to person when they need advice or need help. Then at work, a lot of people give me attention, constantly getting talked to throughout the day or invited to go to lunch or to hang out after work. To sum this all up, I have people constantly bombarding me with invitations, questions for advice and to check in and say hi. Pretty much anybody would say "Wow that sounds great, you must be really loved."
And while I am grateful for it and realize how lucky I am to have this, lately I have been so exhausted. I can't handle the constant stream of texts coming in daily from friends and family. Or at work that I have five different coworkers wanting to do lunch or inviting to non-work related events every week. It's almost too much, and I find it draining more than anything. Just this past Saturday, I was invited to 6 different event from friends, which I only went to 2 of the 6. But it's like this every week.
All my life I thought I was an ambivert that leaned more on the extrovert side, but I am starting to think that I am becoming more introverted as time passes. I find myself wanting to be alone, and not juggling so many family members and friends. My birthday is in two weeks and my family is insisting that we do something for it and I don't want to. Same with my friends. I don't want to celebrate, I just want to be alone! I also recently moved to a new place. Family, friends and coworkers, all keep bombarding me of when I am having a housewarming and when can they come to see it. Like 15 different people in the past couple of weeks. I don't want to have anyone over nor a housewarming party anymore (I did want to when I first moved).
I just booked a trip to go out of the country for 5 days a month from now to go alone. Of course as soon as I told people I was doing that trip, my mom wanted to go, my best friends wanted to go. I had to tell everyone no, I wanted to be alone on this trip.
Has anyone ever felt like this? Just burnt out and exhausted, because you are getting so much attention from everyone around you? Almost like it's too much love?
You might not be able to stop the invitations, but you can set better boundaries with your friends and colleagues. You don't have to talk to everyone who wants to talk to you. It's okay to say "no" and to let a phone call go to voice mail. You don't have to divulge all of your activities when people ask, and you can say that you're busy, even if you're just busy being at home watching Netflix. When people start learning that you're not always available, you'll have all the time you need.
You might not be able to stop the invitations, but you can set better boundaries with your friends and colleagues. You don't have to talk to everyone who wants to talk to you. It's okay to say "no" and to let a phone call go to voice mail. You don't have to divulge all of your activities when people ask, and you can say that you're busy, even if you're just busy being at home watching Netflix. When people start learning that you're not always available, you'll have all the time you need.
I've been starting to do that actually. What I have been doing is limiting myself to only three social outings per week. Once I have three things set for the week, if someone wants to hang or see me they have to wait until next week, or when I have an opening.
I also have been starting to work from home more. TBH I think the problem right now is that I am burnt out and need to recharge, even when I have set my boundaries, I am not feeling better. I can't wait until that trip I am going to disconnect completely from everything here at home.
Part of my problem is I enjoy too many activities be it alone or with others. Going to art events, rock climbing, exploring the city, hiking, etc. People love joining me for that stuff, but now I am finding that I don't want people joining me any more.
Well, you're right. It does seem like a humble brag. LOL
You need to make some conscious choices to carve out alone time, just for yourself to recoup.
1. Don't go out to lunch with friends. Tell said friends you have phone calls to make or errands to run, or whatever. Read a book instead, or go for a walk...less social, more solitary
2. stay off your phone for awhile. If you want, you can make a general announcement to the effect that you'll be out of communication for awhile, so you won't be responding to calls, texts, etc. At least so your friends don't worry about you.
3. Spend time going for solitary walks, drives, etc. Get to know the quiet you. You need to find ways to extricate yourself.
Has anyone ever felt like this? Just burnt out and exhausted, because you are getting so much attention from everyone around you? Almost like it's too much love?
Everyone talks about "setting healthy boundaries" with the other people in our lives. Well, part of that equation is setting boundaries for ourselves. Sounds like you're there. A favorite book character once said:
"I feel like too little butter being scraped over too much bread."
I've been starting to do that actually. What I have been doing is limiting myself to only three social outings per week. Once I have three things set for the week, if someone wants to hang or see me they have to wait until next week, or when I have an opening.
I also have been starting to work from home more. TBH I think the problem right now is that I am burnt out and need to recharge, even when I have set my boundaries, I am not feeling better. I can't wait until that trip I am going to disconnect completely from everything here at home.
Part of my problem is I enjoy too many activities be it alone or with others. Going to art events, rock climbing, exploring the city, hiking, etc. People love joining me for that stuff, but now I am finding that I don't want people joining me any more.
What is it about being alone that you want so much?
Well, I never had the "problem" of too many friends or too many people wanting to go to lunch with me or too many social events. LOL But, I can relate to part of your situation.
I have had the problem of too many co-workers (and friends & acquaintances) asking me for advice, too many co-workers (and friends & acquaintances) asking me to mediate problems and too many co-workers asking me to represent fellow employees in discussions with the bosses. It got to be far too time consuming and far too exhausting. It was truly interfering with the work that I was actually responsible to do. I often had to work late (unpaid, of course) to get my work done because I was advising/helping/negotiating/mediating for others at work when I could have been doing things directly related to my job. For many years I worked until or 8 PM or 9 PM (sometimes even 10 PM) every Friday night because all my co-workers left at 4 PM and I could work in peace and quiet without anyone bugging me. I was in the first office for about eight or nine years and then I transferred to a new place.
In the new office, I deliberately "hid my excellent communication skills" (I'm not sure how to describe it) from co-workers so a lot fewer people asked for advice, help, mediation, etc. But, it was still exhausting.
So when I moved to a third office, again after about eight or nine years, I really, really "hid my excellent communication skills" and went out of the way not to be the "go to person" for help, mediation, working with bosses (on everyone's needs/common problems). I continued to help out only my closest co-workers and closest friends and that worked out very well.
I am now retired so I do not have co-workers. I am very happy to help relatives or close friends and the amount of work, demands on my time & emotions is much more manageable.
Last edited by germaine2626; 09-19-2019 at 05:38 PM..
You're suffering from an embarrassment of riches! Lucky you! There's someone in my life who has the same problem and from time to time goes incommunicado. I always know when that is because I start getting phone calls asking where So-and-So is.
I think the lack of giving people advance notice creates some drama which could be avoided if it were explained to people ahead of time. I know it could free me up from having to take those phone calls.
Glad to hear you are prepared to handle this situation in a thoughtful way letting people know that you need to take a break from socialization. Good communication is the key to many relationship issues.
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