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If I use the Myers Brigg sampling of personality as the barometer for myself, I have become slightly more introverted over my life from being an 'ambivert'.
I'd be honest with your friends and family and just tell them you appreciate the attention but you're going through a phase where you would like more alone time for self-reflection and things like that and it's nothing to do with them personally. If they can't respect that then get firm and tell them to go find another friend to bother.
- "thank you, but I'm not available."
- "thank you, but no."
- "no can do."
Learn to
- Turn off your phone or put it on mute.
- Have at least a few hours in your day where you do not check email, or texts, or be on any social media.
- Leave your phone at home and go for a 45 min walk.
- Return calls or messages at a designated time of your choosing (speaking only of personal calls & messages).
- Block out specific evenings in your calendar where you do whatever you want...alone!
- Not explain to people where you are or why you're not available. Just go and do whatever, you don't need to get permission.
Ultimately you are in control of the "attention" you allow into your life.
- "thank you, but I'm not available."
- "thank you, but no."
- "no can do."
Learn to
- Turn off your phone or put it on mute.
- Have at least a few hours in your day where you do not check email, or texts, or be on any social media.
- Leave your phone at home and go for a 45 min walk.
- Return calls or messages at a designated time of your choosing (speaking only of personal calls & messages).
- Block out specific evenings in your calendar where you do whatever you want...alone!
- Not explain to people where you are or why you're not available. Just go and do whatever, you don't need to get permission.
Ultimately you are in control of the "attention" you allow into your life.
Great points.
When we were newlyweds Hubby and I just wanted to enjoy a quiet Thanksgiving alone, but everyone was bugging us to spend the holiday with them. We let my brother assume that we were spending the holiday with Hubby's relatives and we let Hubby's aunt assume that we were spending the holiday with my relatives. We had a wonderful, peaceful, quiet holiday with just the two of us.
People will take as much of you as you will give them.
It is your responsibility to take care of yourself, mentally and physically, and others must come second or third or last.
It seems you never had a role model for learning how to gracefully decline invitations. You don't need to lie, you just need to fill in your appointment book with time you need for yourself, then you can say "I'm sorry I can't, I have something already scheduled then."
The invitations will slow down once you begin declining them, people will get the idea you are less available.
I would not make any excuses or explain anything or be sorry.
BTW the correct quote from Greta Garbo is "I want to be left alone." She was apparently an introvert who was a movie star. many actors are introverts, a curious combination of career and personality.
My husband is just like you. Wherever he goes people love him and want to become his friend. He’s very outgoing and friendly and people just seem to want to glom onto him. He said actually in grade school he was very shy and introverted and he basically taught himself to be outgoing and overcome his shyness. In his younger years he was very attractive, but I don’t think it’s really about looks; it’s his personality.
He does get frustrated when he gets constant calls and texts and often just turns the ringer off on his phone if he doesn’t want to be bothered. Some weekends he will just sleep and veg in front of the TV and shut out the outside world. But for the most part he loves to be around people and likes the attention. He wouldn’t want to work from home or vacation alone. He’s a people person.
Your post may reflect your life, i.e., one of self absorption. Your post is frankly, outlandish. I highly doubt anyone can boast that they are as popular, constantly sought out, dying to be by your side, etc. Aside from being a world renowned rock star, it doesn't sound believable. It sounds like you define yourself through the eyes of others but lack any sense of self. I would work on that.
Perhaps one reason you are so popular is that you are a "pleaser", and feel compelled to accommodate others? Sometimes it's ok to tell people you want to be alone, or you have other plans. Or just don't tell them what your plans are to begin with. If you use social media a lot, and post a lot of photos of your travels, it's only natural people will want to join you if you are portraying a life of leisure, adventure and free-spirited fun. People who get a lot of attention often seek this attention, either purposely or by reciprocation. Something tells me you would be absolutely miserable if this attention came to a sudden halt and your phone stopped buzzing.
What is it about being alone that you want so much?
That I can spend time with myself. I can work on my short stories, cook, relax, and just spend time with myself. I think spending time with oneself is very healthy thing to do. I think being bombarded constantly from different people distracts from that.
You're suffering from an embarrassment of riches! Lucky you! There's someone in my life who has the same problem and from time to time goes incommunicado. I always know when that is because I start getting phone calls asking where So-and-So is.
I think the lack of giving people advance notice creates some drama which could be avoided if it were explained to people ahead of time. I know it could free me up from having to take those phone calls.
Glad to hear you are prepared to handle this situation in a thoughtful way letting people know that you need to take a break from socialization. Good communication is the key to many relationship issues.
Actually I have done that before. TBH this isn't the first time this has happened. It always happens around this time of year, especially because August/September, between friends and family I have about 15 birthdays in a 5-week period. Then where I live it gets cold in the winter, so everyone is trying to enjoy the last bits of summer left. Hence why last Saturday I was invited to 6 different outings, all outdoor related.
Usually by October I feel at peace. But I feel like this happens every year where in June/July I take on too much but keep rolling with it and then August and September hit and I am just brunt out. I think it's just a matter of managing things a little better from the get go.
Now that I see it's a pattern, that it's this time of the year that has an impact on me, I need to make sure next year I am more careful. As much as I love being alone I also love being around people, and in the summer everything just cranks up.
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