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Birth control pills were developed in the late 1950s. Basically that was yesterday. Up until the birth control the reproductive lives of women were often filled with one pregnancy after another. Huge families were quite common.
The effects of birth control has had a monumental effect on the entire planet. The fertility rates 1st plummeted in developed nations and now they are also coming down in most 3rd world countries with the exception of Sub Sahara Africa. Sooner or later this will cause the world human population to go down. The question is: Will it cause an unbalance between old and young. Old people are living longer and longer. Even the Chinese noted this and eliminated the one child per couple law. However, eventually al the old people have to die. Imagine a world where everybody is old.
What if the world fertility rate falls to less than 2.0. Then what?
We have a long long long ways to go before we have to worry about humans going extinct from a low birth rate.
And the Chinese eliminated the one child law because there were no women for the favored boy child to marry.
I agree that most women who don't have children will have some regrets later on. Many men, too. But that doesn't mean they can't have fufilling lives.
There is nothing more important to me than my son. (I'm a dad). But if I never had him, I probably wouldn't know what I was missing. Now that I know, yes it would be devastating to have never had him.
Well, hmmm. At 63, no regrets yet.
You can't speak for "most women". So far, all of us child-free women here are rejoicing in our decision.
You can't speak for "most women". So far, all of us child-free women here are rejoicing in our decision.
We even OMG, have "fulfilling lives"----unreal!
Regret is a fact of life in one aspect or another. That's why I keep saying we (as people) have to OWN our decisions.
Its not JUST about having children or not having children. It's almost every aspect of life. If you choose (for example) to live in New Orleans, for all the wonderful reasons to live in NO, then KNOW that you are ALSO choosing to live in a place vulnerable to flooding and hurricanes. It's part and parcel, and we need to own our decisions.
Society has never been kind to women. Women have had to hard scrabble for everything.
I agree, sexual dimorphism with larger taller stronger more aggressive males has been a problem for thousands of years and explain male hegemony. Women were saddled with pregnancy after pregnancy during their reproductive years. Nature and evolution have been extremely unfair to women. Thank God for birth control, that was a game changer.
Do I have to have children? This is something that I think about very often. I just turned 40 years old this year, and needless to say I do not have any children. I thought I was very comfortable with that and felt that I really didn’t want to have children. But recently I have felt a little conflicted, almost like I should want to have children because I’m a woman, and it’s not “normal “ to not want children
So my question is is it truly OK if I don’t have a desire to have children ?
And another thought I have had is that if I was meant to be a mother, it would have happened by now and because it hasn’t it’s probably meant to be, thoughts?
Even though Kids are wonderful and now blessed with my 5th grandchild with another on the way, no I don’t believe one should have a child if they don’t want one. No reason to feel guilty or ashamed. You have just as much right to decide to be child free as one who wants to have a big family.
Do I have to have children? This is something that I think about very often. I just turned 40 years old this year, and needless to say I do not have any children. I thought I was very comfortable with that and felt that I really didn’t want to have children. But recently I have felt a little conflicted, almost like I should want to have children because I’m a woman, and it’s not “normal “ to not want children
So my question is is it truly OK if I don’t have a desire to have children ?
And another thought I have had is that if I was meant to be a mother, it would have happened by now and because it hasn’t it’s probably meant to be, thoughts?
Anyone who says that it's not "normal" is not one you need to be listening to.
If you don't want them, you shouldn't have them.
There is nothing wrong or "abnormal" about not wanting to tie yourself down to a lifestyle with children. That's not to say that having a kid is a bad thing, it's to say that if it's not how you want to live, then your choice is the correct one.
No one should have a kid just because society tells them that they "should". Based on what? Being a female? Well, that's a dumb reason to have a kid.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MelandBelle
You’re absolutely right I would never wanna have a child because I feel like pressured by society or friends that’s why I’m struggling with my own judgments because I want to be at peace with my decision and not be wavered by other peoples beliefs It’s like I don’t even know what I want anymore, what if I am wrong and what I desire and I miss out on an amazing experience in life? I mean we only get to live this life one time. But in actuality I really have absolutely no control over what happens in my life, if it was meant to be and I was meant to be a mother it would’ve happened by now or it will happen But if it doesn’t I want to be OK with that too Make sense?
Ok, I understand this. Maybe not quite at your level, but I do understand it. Eeeevery once in a blue moon, I will think about what it would have been like, and wonder if it would have been a good idea to have a kid.
It's easily rectified by going to Wal Mart or Target at about 3pm on a Sunday when it's filled with parents and their kids. So many kids having melt downs right there in the store. Or even at the grocery store - go where you know you will see lots of parents and their kids but not in a fun setting, in a normal, every day setting. If, after you listen to one kid after another crying and/or screaming at the top of their lungs because they aren't getting their way, you still have doubts, then maybe sign up to become a Big Brother/Big Sister. If, after that, you decide you really did want to be a mom, even part time, you can foster. You can leave foster at any time you want, you are not obligated to stay with it. If, after you foster, and you've done it a few times, and you think, "Dang! I really DO want a kid!" Then you can adopt.
But the first test is to be around areas where you know there's going to be kids and you know they're going to lose their ish over the littlest of things. Yes, I'm sure having a kid has many rewards, but those who like to push others to have kids fail to mention all the down sides.
If you don't have the patience - I'm going to say you shouldn't have any.
Last edited by Three Wolves In Snow; 10-03-2019 at 04:15 PM..
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