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I'll try to keep it short; we broke up in June after dating for a handful of months. Over the summer, both of us were messaging via social media a bit -- things like "Hey how are things going?" but never anything beyond that.
In August, he re-added me on Facebook and started "liking" and commenting on things I posted. He started reaching out and asking me to get a drink or coffee. Naturally, I assumed he was interested in getting back together. When I asked him if this was true, he said "Let's get a coffee and talk."
So we met up for beers and that "relationship conversation" never happened. However after drinking and such, we ended up spending the night together. At that point I thought we were dating again. However, I called him after he left to clarify this and he explained that "No, he wasn't looking for anything serious."
I was pretty upset that he had strung me along the whole time. I told him that I never would have slept with him had I known that and I felt tricked. I asked him to stop contacting me so I could move on and he agreed and said he felt really bad.
Well, yesterday was my birthday and I see a message from him in my Facebook. Something like "I know I'm the last person you want to hear from but happy birthday."
I'm just getting really frustrated; he doesn't want date so why won't he let me be? I could block him, block his number, etc., but he knows where I live -- if he really wanted to show up randomly to wish me a happy birthday or something, he could, so I'd rather it be through Facebook if it's going to be there.
Is he just feeling guilty and wanted to say something nice? Is he trying to mess with me and remain this constant bird on my shoulder? Is he just still emotionally attached despite not wanting to actually be together?
I understand that you find him irresistible (and he knows it). I've been there. There's also this thing that some guys do...they draw you in with one arm, while pushing you away with the other. When they draw you in, and you assume it means something...they can act like, "What? I didn't say anything about that. Why would you think that?" He wants you to think that it's you who is misinterpreting things, not him who deliberately sent fraudulent signals. It feeds his ego, plus he gets sex. So it's a win-win for him.
Don't fall for the "Oh, I know I've been bad. You're right to be angry at me." He doesn't really feel bad. And he will do a repeat performance, if you let him. (Feeling bad doesn't excuse his behavior, anyway.)
He seems to have an interest in keeping you available (not getting involved w/anyone else), but not such that he feels any obligation to you. Just in case he wants to see you some more. Is that what you want?
You could get bounced around by someone like him for years, if you don't learn how to extricate yourself from this sort of unhealthy relationship.
You need to drop him like a hot potato. No contact. Move on. (I personally don't think men and women can be friends, anyway.)
What's ironic is that the more you break off contact and move on, the more he may feel attracted to you. You will become the unattainable. He'll wonder if you've met someone else...someone taller, better looking, better body, better future. But it doesn't matter what he thinks or feels. He's the past. He doesn't love you.
Another guy will come along, but you will have to be mentally free of this guy, or it won't happen for you.
Just block him on FB and be done with it. If you want, you can text him that you'll be doing that, so it won't surprise him. He'll know why. And don't sound like, "Oh, I'm trying to move on, but I can't if you still contact me." That's only halfway telling him not to contact you, while sounding like you're weak and really want him to contact you. Take control. Just end it. You deserve better and can do better.
As for your question of whether he intends to play you for the fool, or whether it's an accident....yes, his actions are intentional. It makes him feel like hot stuff to have some girl mooning over him. And he knew very well that you and he were supposed to discuss your relationship that night. Doesn't seem like that was very important to him, was it? Because he knew by then he didn't have to do that to get sex. (If I had to guess, I'd bet money that he came running back to you because some other girl rejected him.)
As for your question of whether he intends to play you for the fool, or whether it's an accident....yes, his actions are intentional. It makes him feel like hot stuff to have some girl mooning over him. And he knew very well that you and he were supposed to discuss your relationship that night. Doesn't seem like that was very important to him, was it? Because he knew by then he didn't have to do that to get sex. (If I had to guess, I'd bet money that he came running back to you because some other girl rejected him.)
1.who doesn't like it when other people like them?
2.The conversation didn't start even though there were TWO people there. She could have also started it but didn't. It doesn't mean that it's not important. It's just difficult to start this discussion.
3.maybe he came back because he rejected some other girl. These assumptions don't help anywhere.
4.the OP is an adult woman. She wasn't tricked into having sex. She assumed that they were gonna get together again. She was wrong about that part. That's all.
And I'm generally so tired of people having to block and stop every type of contact.
In retrospect isn't that exactly as shallow as what he did?
I don't know who and why wanted to break up, but if the break up was civilized and no one was left with negative feelings I don't understand why someone wouldn't at least stay friends.
Anyway, don't think too badly about people. including yourself. Just make a decision and stick with it. And if you don't want to stick with it that's also okay. But try to accept and learn from your "mistakes".
1.who doesn't like it when other people like them?
2.The conversation didn't start even though there were TWO people there. She could have also started it but didn't. It doesn't mean that it's not important. It's just difficult to start this discussion.
3.maybe he came back because he rejected some other girl. These assumptions don't help anywhere.
4.the OP is an adult woman. She wasn't tricked into having sex. She assumed that they were gonna get together again. She was wrong about that part. That's all.
And I'm generally so tired of people having to block and stop every type of contact.
In retrospect isn't that exactly as shallow as what he did?
I don't know who and why wanted to break up, but if the break up was civilized and no one was left with negative feelings I don't understand why someone wouldn't at least stay friends.
Anyway, don't think too badly about people. including yourself. Just make a decision and stick with it. And if you don't want to stick with it that's also okay. But try to accept and learn from your "mistakes".
Here's an example of the sort of stuff the player tells his friends. Read it, learn from it, and don't have anything to do with people like this. They're users.
Look, you hopped back in the sack with him at the first opportunity. Take responsibility for what YOU did.
Make up YOUR mind what's up.
OP, I hope you see a pattern here by some males. It's really your fault. Did you know that? Don't discuss with men like this. It's pointless. Drop him like a hot potato & run for the hills the next time you run across a user.
There are good guys out there. Including cute ones with a bright future. Spend your precious time and attention on one of them. Someone who appreciates your love.
OK, my advice to the OP. Respond to the Happy Birthday by "Are you ready for a committed relationship yet?" If you are not up for a series of one night stands, make it clear.
It also might be best if you refrain from alcohol while you are with him.
Or you could block his email address and delete it. Your choice. You can also block phone numbers and facebook users.
I have certainly blacklisted people in my life, most often for being manipulative and exploitive. You know the guy, I don't. It's your call. I think you will feel better if you make it.
OP, I hope you see a pattern here by some males. It's really your fault. Did you know that? Don't discuss with men like this. It's pointless. Drop him like a hot potato & run for the hills the next time you run across a user.
There are good guys out there. Including cute ones with a bright future. Spend your precious time and attention on one of them. Someone who appreciates your love.
I agree with the last four sentences. I disagree with the first part of this answer. I don’t think your confusion is exactly your fault. But I suspect you really want a relationship with him. You have to be realistic here. He has used you. If has done this once, he will do this again. If you are OK with this—that is the sex you share is recreational, then that is one thing. But If you want a real relationship, then I don’t think this is what he has in mind.
You seem to question his intentions. You wonder if they are that bad, and you say he is great guy. But his actions do not show this. You are setting yourself up for heartbreak is you allow yourself to be used, hoping for more from him.
But I am guessing you will do that, because you want a relationship with him.
Don't you think that's a little rigid? Women enjoy sex too, and often have sex with guys they would never live with. It's a matter of personal choice, not rules and regulations. The world is full of women who would love to have a personable guy available for a booty call, then show him out after the second cup of coffee in the morning.
And the guy who wants a relationship is happy with that?
Try this: “you need to know that I am serious about not wanting any further contact from you. I am going to block you on my phone and on social media and will consider any further attempts at contacting me to be harassment”. See, wasn’t that easy?
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