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I am a 22 year old male. I just started therapy to treat my Social Anxiety problem that I have dealt with all of my life. I just finished the third session with the therapist I am currently seeing. I told my therapist that I get worried that people notice that I am nervous or uncomfortable and judge me for it. She told me anxiety is not very noticeable unless you are shaking or your voice is shaking.
I haven't told her this, but that's not true in my experience. There have been times when I was anxious that people have told me that I look nervous and uncomfortable.
I would just like to know how accurate is my therapists' comment?
I am a 22 year old male. I just started therapy to treat my Social Anxiety problem that I have dealt with all of my life. I just finished the third session with the therapist I am currently seeing. I told my therapist that I get worried that people notice that I am nervous or uncomfortable. She told me anxiety is not very noticeable unless you are shaking or your voice is shaking.
I haven't told her this, but that's not true in my experience. There have been times when I was anxious that people have told me that I look nervous and uncomfortable.
I would just like to know how accurate is my therapists' comment?
You must be acting the part. Otherwise, many anxious people disguise how they feel.
Did you have traumatic issues growing up?
Have you accomplished what would be expected for your level of intelligence?
Did you have helicopter parents?
Are there many anxious people in the family? Your problem may be genetic.
I think anxiety involves a group of feelings and behaviors and not just one, which is why your therapist might say that. When people tell me I look nervous and uncomfortable and I don't really feel that is the case, it could be that the discussion is a stressful one where I voice my opinion.
If I am indeed feeling nervous and uncomfortable, I won't immediately blame it on anxiety. Anxiety doesn't allow me to respond to the concern in an adaptive way. Instead, I will respond to the concern and share what is actually making me uncomfortable.
"I would just like to know how accurate is my therapists' comment?"
essentially, we have no idea.
my wife's face flushes noticeably (multiple shades) during public speaking.
i have my "head on a swivel" during required-attendance parties, so i look "jumpy".
bottom line:
you have Paid Money to Buy your therapist's opinion.
it is now yours to do with as you wish.
I know there can be physical manifestations. When I was anxious over our overseas move, doing it alone since DH was in another state repairing our flooded house, I lost a bunch of hair, got hives, soaked the bed with nighttime sweats, went to the hospital 3 times for uncontrolled vomiting...got rosacea...
So yeah, I believe anxiety is visual, in a lot of cases. I still get a flushed face in social settings often. Hate that.
But what helped me in just normal social situations was remembering "No one cares", like that famous Roosevelt quote.
It can be but it's not always noticeable. It's unlikely people are noticing your anxiety all the time. Occasionally, yes but probably not in every situation.
I am a 22 year old male. I just started therapy to treat my Social Anxiety problem that I have dealt with all of my life. I just finished the third session with the therapist I am currently seeing. I told my therapist that I get worried that people notice that I am nervous or uncomfortable and judge me for it. She told me anxiety is not very noticeable unless you are shaking or your voice is shaking.
I haven't told her this, but that's not true in my experience. There have been times when I was anxious that people have told me that I look nervous and uncomfortable.
I would just like to know how accurate is my therapists' comment?
OP, it varies according to situation, level of anxiety at any given moment, and the individual. I think your therapist is trying to reassure you, that people can't read your mind; her intention is to convey the idea, that you shouldn't stress yourself out even more, by thinking people are scrutinizing and judging you. OTOH, there will be times when you look uncomfortable. Don't worry about that, and focus on following your therapist's recommendations. Things will improve; just be patient. Congrats on getting help! Many in your position don't.
When I was in my early twenties and younger, my anxiety or nervousness did show through but only at times.
It affected my life quite a bit. Thinking back, I shudder! I used to be nervous of women. I didn't know how to approach a girl or what to say. It took a huge effort to make a try - usually unsuccessful. Even approaching guys was scary. Once I got to know them of course it was no problem although I'm sure my anxiety showed through but I doubt anyone knew or recognized it as being anxiety. I wouldn't be surprised if I was seen as being a bit weird or something.
Of course it's noticeable.
Never forget, before we even judge a person mentally, we already judged him or her with our sight. Facial expression, posture, general way person moves... It's called a hunch, and hunch always gives the first impression over following mental logical conclusions.
So one can learn how to fake all that. Control hands that always grasp to something or fingers that always find something to do. Control eye contact. Control posture. Speech. Clothes. Gestures. Control many things.
No one can control inner core. Inner core develops with self confidence development. Lack of inner core WILL ooze out through every outer fake presentations.
As we FEEL such things, especially women. Empathic perception. So the only true way of not showing inner anxiety is to become inner confident.
Do what they do in Japan. Stand on a street corner in a crowded downtown and give a loud speech, you memorized. 100 times. Until it becomes easy to do. Becomes natural. Then fear goes away.....
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