Contrarian stance on everything? (feelings, relationship)
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Like some posters have said, people like us can be seen as intentionally going against the grain just for the sake of being able to call ourselves different, when at least in my case I have always wanted to fit in with the rest, especially when I was young. As you said, we can never fit in and are not the type to be in denial of our true selves just for the sake of congruity which makes people like us to be constantly at odds with others (not necessarily in an argumentative manner).
Regarding the point someone made about calling people sheep as being derogatory - its their mob mentality that want people to constantly tow the line that many of us have to call them out for their lack of independent thinking - especially when their outlook or perspective is impacting the quality of everyone's life.
You are saying that most people have mob mentality. C'mon. I've been reading posters here for seven years. Opinions on everything are all over the place. If you tend to think differently than most of the people you know, that doesn't mean much. I promise you, you are not that special except to your loved ones
I do think all points of view should be valued, assuming they are not destructive. But looking at others as unenlightened or mindless allows you to place yourself above them. You are among other people who have the same needs as you, and probably have some pretty unorthodox ideas about things you have never considered.
What I am getting at is that your attitude about others being part of a mob mentality says more about you than about others.
Lol, yes I know some people like that who start almost every sentence with a "no" and then basically repeat everything you said but in their own words. Some of it can be attributed to personality tick and the rest to the illusion of having the final say.
Yes, exactly! Maybe those folks just don't have an original thought so they have to piggyback onto everyone else's and somehow "make it their own".
I'm not sure you want your perspective to be widely accepted. Being oppositional to be oppositional is to be a "know it all", one who knows best, one who's been there, done that, only better, bigger, farther, etc. Do you find yourself needing to always correct people? Even with the slightest detail? When others figure out you're oppositional and start agreeing with you to avoid conflict, do you bait them by drawing them in to agree with you, only to disagree in the end? Do you have a hard time listening and pondering what others say? If any of this rings true, this is your personality and it is very isolating because people like I've described are difficult if not annoying to be around and to attempt conversation with. People learn very quickly to avoid you. It's a form of control, of exerting power over another, but the downside is that you find yourself alone in the world. If you want to change, recognizing what your interpersonal habits are, is the first step. Then you practice pulling yourself back in order to listen, resisting the temptation to state an alternative point of view.
There is a saying that comes to mind: "He who goes against the fashion is himself its slave." You're just reacting in a opposite way solely to BE opposite.
If you are being contrarian just to be contrarian, it seems that there is no more thought behind one's outlook beyond, "Look at me. I'm special, I'm DIFFERENT".
Well...no, you're not. If the mindset is to fancy oneself as different from everybody else, you're pretty much the same.
I'm not sure you want your perspective to be widely accepted. Being oppositional to be oppositional is to be a "know it all", one who knows best, one who's been there, done that, only better, bigger, farther, etc. Do you find yourself needing to always correct people? Even with the slightest detail? When others figure out you're oppositional and start agreeing with you to avoid conflict, do you bait them by drawing them in to agree with you, only to disagree in the end? Do you have a hard time listening and pondering what others say? If any of this rings true, this is your personality and it is very isolating because people like I've described are difficult if not annoying to be around and to attempt conversation with. People learn very quickly to avoid you. It's a form of control, of exerting power over another, but the downside is that you find yourself alone in the world. If you want to change, recognizing what your interpersonal habits are, is the first step. Then you practice pulling yourself back in order to listen, resisting the temptation to state an alternative point of view.
The funny thing is that all my life I have always thought I am the oddball, the silly one for having a different opinion compared to the majority, so I rarely corrected people for their majority-approved perspective. To me, I felt I needed to change or understand what is wrong with me for not thinking like the rest. This is where feeling isolated part comes from - always wondering why I don't think like others, why I am not like others?
I may have a contrarian view to some audience while they would see me fitting right in with the crowd I might be defending. My issue is with herd mentality and I can't get behind something overhyped or overly demonized simply because everyone else is doing so - which for sure makes me come across as 'know it all' or critical for the sake or being critical in almost every crowd I am in.
The funny thing is that all my life I have always thought I am the oddball, the silly one for having a different opinion compared to the majority, so I rarely corrected people for their majority-approved perspective. To me, I felt I needed to change or understand what is wrong with me for not thinking like the rest. This is where feeling isolated part comes from - always wondering why I don't think like others, why I am not like others?
I may have a contrarian view to some audience while they would see me fitting right in with the crowd I might be defending. My issue is with herd mentality and I can't get behind something overhyped or overly demonized simply because everyone else is doing so - which for sure makes me come across as 'know it all' or critical for the sake or being critical in almost every crowd I am in.
I don't think you are a contrarian...well, that is, unless I am one too!
I feel I am always different from everyone, except in rare instance when I get to be among certain groups of people, but different from all my family, close friends, etc, yes.
The thing is, that I am just sure I am correct, and I have no thoughts ever of "maybe they are right and I am wrong", or "why can't I just be like everyone else". Mine are more like " Can they not see how wrong they are?"- LOL
Would make more sense if anyone cared to actually read examples, but I will give just one over-arching example:
I feel that people around me talk a LOT about how to control others: spouses, kids, people you are trying to influence in other ways, like sales, etc. I do not believe one person can control another. What they do is their karma, how I react to it is mine.
I get a "deer in headlights" look when I say these things
And there's contrarians...and then there's uber-contrarians. A standard contrarian doesn't go along with the majority. But an uber-contrarian doesn't go along with the niche groups or few selected individuals with whom they have something(s) in common or think the same way about at least one thing...but they just can't subscribe to the entire program.
I'm an uber-contrarian. But since I'm not deliberately trying to be one (it would be so much easier if I wasn't, but it would compromise my soul and brain and possibly even my body) perhaps it's more accurate to say uber-nonconformist since my goal isn't to be contrary/opposite---it's just that I can't get totally on board with anyone (except my husband for about 95%, which is amazing---and the 5% makes life more interesting) and, especially, any group/category of people.
I have so many examples. I tried atheist groups since I am not religious, but I hated how they were so intolerant of people who believed, to the point of making fun of them. Now Buddhism speaks to me for the most part---but most Buddhist groups do stuff like chanting, which I dislike. I'm a vegan, but I don't want to look at photos of animals being tortured/killed since it doesn't help them and saddens me...and so many vegans focus on this (and they think it's awful to do it for health reasons as well--that it should just be about animals). I'm childfree, but I like kids and have no regrets about not having them, so I don't mesh with most childfree people. I love yoga---but my fellow practitioners in yoga classes at the gym are just doing it for a workout and don't get the deeper meaning/purpose of yoga.
The latest contrarian thing is happening just this week. As a woman, I'm supposed to be in allegiance with any woman who claims she was sexually assaulted---and I just can't. Women lie, just like men. And with the Matt Lauer thing, who's to say the women didn't consent (at least one admits she did)---but then viewed it a different way when their career didn't take off as they hoped or he didn't leave his wife.
And something that really sets me apart from almost any other woman is that I don't think men should pay for women on dates---but even purported feminists think they should, even in 2019. And I think fancy weddings are ridiculous, including the conformity of almost every bride wearing a strapless gown and wearing a veil as if they are some vestal virgin. To top it off, I think it's outrageous that the attendees stand when the bride comes in but not the groom. Why does someone deserve more respect just because she has two X chromosomes? Marsha, if you think you get deer in the headlights looks when you say your thing, just imagine what I get (from women---guys usually agree with me, although with the dating thing they are willing to pay to play---if paying for dates leads to sex by the third date, they are willing to suck it up and not try to buck the system).
So---contrarian? Nonconformist? Alien from another planet who hasn't been fully indoctrinated into Earthly ways? Don't know. But my goal is to accept and be happy with who I am...and finally, at age 65, I'm usually there. Aging does have its benefits, at least in this regard. You realize the futility of trying to conform/go along/change to fit in and embrace who you are. I try to adhere to nonviolence and striving to change the authentic you is actually a form of violence to yourself. And this quote reminds me why it's good to adhere to my path, singular though it may be:
"It is no measure of good health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." J krishnamurti
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