U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Covid-19 Information Page
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Psychology
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 11-04-2019, 08:40 AM
 
572 posts, read 202,772 times
Reputation: 960

Advertisements

Notwithstanding actual narcissists, I see a common trend in society where people tend to give themselves far more leniency and tolerance than they would anyone else. I think many of us also tend to view ourselves as more flawless than we actually are. However, when we find flaws or erroneous behaviors by our cohorts, we tend to be far more judgmental and less tolerant towards them. I think this drives a lot of unwarranted negative judgment towards others, while whenever we make a mistake, we're hoping that people will be lenient with us.

How can we introduce more leniency and tolerance towards our cohorts, and recognize that to err is human? Is it by developing more empathy? Is it be recognizing our own flaws better, which will give way for more tolerance towards others when they don't live up to perfection?
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 11-04-2019, 12:39 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,990 posts, read 49,613,851 times
Reputation: 98359
I firmly believe that the least judgmental people are those who have been through some ****, because they really KNOW that "there but for the grace of God go I."

You see the kind of behavior you're describing all the time on this forum, where people, in describing a problem, will lay out their partner's transgressions in full detail, while when describing their own behavior will couch it in phrases that temper its effect, such as, "I will admit that I can have a temper sometimes ..." when they actually have serious rage issues etc .

A very common exercise to see if you are guilty of this is to keep a food journal.

A lot of people tend to underestimate how much they eat, (i.e. "I really don't eat THAT much, but I can't lose weight!"), but when you keep a food journal, the facts are right there.

It's silly, but that's the first thing that came to my mind when I read the post.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-04-2019, 12:44 PM
 
572 posts, read 202,772 times
Reputation: 960
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
A very common exercise to see if you are guilty of this is to keep a food journal.

A lot of people tend to underestimate how much they eat, but when you keep a food journal, the facts are right there.

It's silly, but that's the first thing that came to my mind when I read the post.
That's actually pretty brilliant!

Definitely a good illustration of what we think we're doing not aligning with the reality of what we are actually doing.

Whenever I'm feeling bad about my diet, my spouse always tells me I should use something like MyFitnessPal to track what I am eating so that I am more aware of the calories I'm putting into my body. Many of us would probably be quite surprised by how often we're underestimating our bad habits.

Last edited by iSudo; 11-04-2019 at 01:05 PM..
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-04-2019, 03:19 PM
 
Location: on the wind
13,034 posts, read 6,559,574 times
Reputation: 42931
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
I firmly believe that the least judgmental people are those who have been through some ****, because they really KNOW that "there but for the grace of God go I."
This times 100. They are more likely to cut themselves more slack partly because they know more of the backstory and can dredge up mitigating circumstances. However, one reason I think people tend to be more judgmental about others is because they have a secret wish to be better versions of themselves. Change is hard...let someone ELSE do the changing.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-04-2019, 03:22 PM
 
3,460 posts, read 2,447,273 times
Reputation: 7167
Quote:
Originally Posted by iSudo View Post
Notwithstanding actual narcissists, I see a common trend in society where people tend to give themselves far more leniency and tolerance than they would anyone else. I think many of us also tend to view ourselves as more flawless than we actually are. However, when we find flaws or erroneous behaviors by our cohorts, we tend to be far more judgmental and less tolerant towards them. I think this drives a lot of unwarranted negative judgment towards others, while whenever we make a mistake, we're hoping that people will be lenient with us.

How can we introduce more leniency and tolerance towards our cohorts, and recognize that to err is human? Is it by developing more empathy? Is it be recognizing our own flaws better, which will give way for more tolerance towards others when they don't live up to perfection?

I'm the opposite: tougher on myself than anyone else.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-04-2019, 03:33 PM
 
9,122 posts, read 6,929,672 times
Reputation: 7009
Quote:
Originally Posted by iSudo View Post
Notwithstanding actual narcissists, I see a common trend in society where people tend to give themselves far more leniency and tolerance than they would anyone else. I think many of us also tend to view ourselves as more flawless than we actually are. However, when we find flaws or erroneous behaviors by our cohorts, we tend to be far more judgmental and less tolerant towards them. I think this drives a lot of unwarranted negative judgment towards others, while whenever we make a mistake, we're hoping that people will be lenient with us.

How can we introduce more leniency and tolerance towards our cohorts, and recognize that to err is human? Is it by developing more empathy? Is it be recognizing our own flaws better, which will give way for more tolerance towards others when they don't live up to perfection?
It's basically human nature what you've described. I have seen this type of trend all my life.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-04-2019, 03:34 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
28,211 posts, read 18,601,481 times
Reputation: 44082
For most of us, it is easier to forgive ourselves than it it is to forgive others. Of course, some might forgive themselves of some stuff, and be terribly hard on themselves about other stuff.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-04-2019, 03:35 PM
 
9,122 posts, read 6,929,672 times
Reputation: 7009
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
I firmly believe that the least judgmental people are those who have been through some ****, because they really KNOW that "there but for the grace of God go I."

You see the kind of behavior you're describing all the time on this forum, where people, in describing a problem, will lay out their partner's transgressions in full detail, while when describing their own behavior will couch it in phrases that temper its effect, such as, "I will admit that I can have a temper sometimes ..." when they actually have serious rage issues etc .

A very common exercise to see if you are guilty of this is to keep a food journal.

A lot of people tend to underestimate how much they eat, (i.e. "I really don't eat THAT much, but I can't lose weight!"), but when you keep a food journal, the facts are right there.

It's silly, but that's the first thing that came to my mind when I read the post.
I'm believing that more and more by the day. I even see it on the forum.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-04-2019, 03:45 PM
 
11,678 posts, read 4,610,969 times
Reputation: 26757
I used to know a guy who had a lot of deep and disturbing issues, and sometimes, would freely talk about them. Seemed like, to me, that he couldn't perceive how creepy and icky he could be.


But he was very quick to blame anyone and everyone else for why he was what he was. It was other people's fault that he was the way he was. It seemed like, to me, that he could never shine the light on himself in a purposeful way...for like self enlightenment, but when he WOULD get going...blaming others for why he did stuff that he did, he didn't seem to realize he was shining a light FOR US TO SEE what an 'icky' person he actually was.


In a way, he was a pitiful soul...and he LIKED to play that up when it suited him.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-04-2019, 03:52 PM
 
Location: Germany
523 posts, read 155,358 times
Reputation: 1278
The people who are judgmental of others may seem sometimes to be more lenient of themselves but the self-hatred is well hidden. Low self esteem.
People treat others the way they treat themselves. If a person is harsh on you, they are probably harsh on themselves as well. It just doesn't show as much - in their rage fits and attention seeking drama, the hidden judgment of oneself is obvious.

These people most likely were judged a lot, or by important people, and they have made it their instinct that people are never giving it their best, or that people are always thinking badly of others. Most likely the same people who are overly judgmental are also people with image self-confidence issues (im too fat, im too thin, too ugly and so on).

I don't blame them. It's difficult to accept that everyone is doing the best they can with the hand they were dealt with.
Hopefully someday in their life they learn to be more accepting, cause that is the way to real happiness.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Psychology

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2021, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top