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I grew up with a Mom who kept trying to make me an extrovert and I grew up thinking I always had to have more friends. Sad, when I look back on it.
Then in the early ‘90s. I did the Myers-Briggs thing and read that both introversion and extraversion were just different and more or less immutable ways of being. What a different that made. I accepted myself, was perfectly content to have a smaller, more intimate friend circle and felt much better.
Fast forward 25 years.
These last couple of weeks I have been at home recovering from cancer treatment (concurrent chemo and radiation). I can’t drive and am trying to avoid large groups anyway due to a compromised immune system. The recovery is going well, but one thing that has truly surprised me is how incredibly happy and content I have been to just be at home and avoid even the relatively pared-down life I thought I had optimally set up for myself. I have been seeing my husband every day, a good friend one to two times a week, keeping a health blog (I post about 2x/ week and have about 35 “followers” some of whom leave comments), texting with about 3 to 4 friends and speaking with geographically distant family members 1-2x a week. However, I have not been engaging in any group activities at all — no book clubs, no parties, no get togethers with more than one other person, no church services, etc. And I am finding that I actually really, really like it. It feels so peaceful.
In my mind, however, living like this (avoiding all group activities) goes beyond accepting one’s introversion and starts veering into “weird” territory.
What do you think?
[ETA, now that I have written this, I am wondering if I feel this way partly because I went deaf in one ear a few years ago and thus have a double energy hit in group situations. It takes energy dealing with a lot of people at once, plus it takes extra energy just trying to understand what people are saying in a noisy environment.]
I think if you are happy and peaceful ,and it sounds like you have a good support system with a core set of people then enjoy without question. I don’t see it as weird. This is your need right now, especially as you focus on your health and maintaining emotional equilibrium.
I always thought I was an extrovert but I am really an ambivert leaning towards introvert. I went from an extremely busy social life/ activities due to heavy involvement in community arts and being very active professional artist to the polar opposite after moving to Arizona. I do miss my core group of friends but I don’t miss or belong to any groups nor engage in group activities. My husband and I live a very quiet life much to the shock of all my friends.
All the best with your treatment . I went through just the radiation and that was hard enough.
"In my mind, however, living like this (avoiding all group activities) goes beyond accepting one’s introversion and starts veering into “weird” territory.
What do you think? "
I'm an extreme introvert. Your pared-down schedule would be a busy week for me. Please don't frame the unusual as "weird" to beat yourself up.
You're channeling your energy internally, which is soul-enriching, but also very important for your particular post-chemo/radiation journey. Enjoying your alone time, quiet, solitude, contacts with immediate family and the closest friend(s) on a more calibrated basis is IMO not weird, it's the gift of letting go of expectations, pressures, discarding the societal drumbeat of active and busy-busy-busy and being your authentic self in this season of healing. Consider it a path to becoming even more aware of yourself, your body's rhythms, and just being.
(Besides, it's not like you're a hermit, living in the woods, with no human interaction for years, writing manifestos -- that never seems to go well for those who do that).
(Besides, it's not like you're a hermit, living in the woods, with no human interaction for years, writing manifestos -- that never seems to go well for those who do that).
I've had a lot of trouble accepting my own introversion over the years, always trying to make myself socialize. Its exhausting. I really wish I was an extrovert, but being around a bunch of people just drains me, especially this time of the year. Where I live I feel like I always have to put myself "out there" because its not my home and I have almost no friends. I force myself to do meetups and other social events.
In my mind, however, living like this (avoiding all group activities) goes beyond accepting one’s introversion and starts veering into “weird” territory.
What do you think?
[ETA, now that I have written this, I am wondering if I feel this way partly because I went deaf in one ear a few years ago and thus have a double energy hit in group situations. It takes energy dealing with a lot of people at once, plus it takes extra energy just trying to understand what people are saying in a noisy environment.]
Why is it weird? Even if you were not partially deaf group activities are energy suckers for introverts. There's nothing wrong with being an introvert and avoiding group activities.
I am introverted and gave myself permission to limit socializing a long time ago. This is my life and if frequent socializing is exhausting and a detriment, why should I have to do it just to be "normal"? Husband is the same way which makes things a lot easier. We do occasionally have house guests and people over, but not very often. And that is perfect for us.
I've never considered myself an introvert but I probably am. I have never had a problem associating with others, had friends, participated in sports, had girlfriends, etc. However I never cared for group think so didn't want to join any fraternities, social clubs, cliques or organizations, was friendly but never made close friends with neighbors or all but very few co-workers or schoolmates. Now that I'm retired I realize many of my associations were the result of shared experiences, like school and work. I no longer have close friends nearby so I do have phone contact and email contact with a few friends and one relative. I do prefer doing my own thing rather than participate in groups, and always have. Maybe the OP was forcing herself to participate in groups to overcome an imaginary deficiency. Having a serious illness does sharpen the mind and bring into focus what is real and what is not.
"In my mind, however, living like this (avoiding all group activities) goes beyond accepting one’s introversion and starts veering into “weird” territory.
What do you think? "
I'm an extreme introvert. Your pared-down schedule would be a busy week for me. Please don't frame the unusual as "weird" to beat yourself up.
Same. I have a very hermit like life and your new pared down life is even busier than my typical one. I work full time and am "on" the entire day, so at home I really need to decompress, not have to speak or please anyone or run around too much. It's sometimes sad as I would like to do more things with people, but I know it would really stress me out to schedule too many activities. Some people can handle it, some can't. I can't.
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