When Your Inner Child Feels Unloved (psychologist, aunt, relationship, feelings)
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I am very much in touch with my inner child and I think, part of why I'm such a kid magnate. My childhood was horrible and I guess the inner child needs to be fulfilled? Inner child felt unloved as a child, but not as an adult, so that feeling you're having is unfamiliar to me nobodysbusiness. One question I can ask you is do you have any children in your life now and how much time do you spend with them? The 7 and 8 year old girls I see once a week keep inner child alive and happy. I see the 7 year old the most and we are inseparable. She prefers our one on one time together and loves our adventure walks. We talk about everything. If you can find a child that you connect with like that, I think that might help you. Between the shorties and all of the animals in my life, inner child is alive and happy and very much loved. All of those kids in my life have never seen me as an adult, but as an equal.
My favorite book for this is Alice Miller's "The Drama of the Gifted Child." It's full of wisdom for healing. No matter how many times I've read it I nearly always find something new.
Another method I use is paying very close attention to my self talk. Do I, by habit, tell myself negative things without even recognizing that it's a pattern? Learning to think of yourself and talk to yourself in gentle ways is important.
As someone who suffered emotional abuse and physical neglect as a child, I know what it is like to be thrust without warning back into a helpless, terrified state, feeling both agitated and helpless at the same time.
I've done a lot of work to recover from my past, and I continue to be greatly helped by the book Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma by Pete Walker. It has a really useful section at the back for managing what he calls flashbacks. If you read it, you will find the items on the list that work best for you. For me at this point, it's to say aloud, "I feel afraid but I am not in danger. I am safe now, here in the present," and reminding myself that I am in an adult body with allies, skills and resources to protect me that I never had as a child. Also, identifying what triggered the flashback can be very helpful.
Doing that, plus if possible going to one of my happy places (outside or the local library) help me a lot.
Thanks for this suggestion (and all of the other people who have suggested things). I recently received this book, but have not read it yet!!!! I will check out the "flashback" section asap.
I know what triggers me but I have no control over the trigger. I just have to work on healing the wound that keeps getting activated.
See if you have a professional cuddling service in your location. They will hold you and you can talk or not, cry or not. It will really help.
OMG. I have a FB friend who does this - I could NEVER do this . . . but I think it's hilarious and am glad it helps others.
P.S. I think it would help me too - I would just be too embarrassed to do this. Was not nurtured as a child (which is part of the problem), so it would be very foreign to me.
OMG. I have a FB friend who does this - I could NEVER do this . . . but I think it's hilarious and am glad it helps others.
P.S. I think it would help me too - I would just be too embarrassed to do this. Was not nurtured as a child (which is part of the problem), so it would be very foreign to me.
Why embarrassed? Have you ever cuddled someone? If not, now's the time! You cuddle any way you want. If you just want to hold hands they will do that. Tell then you feltl unnurtured as a child, let it out. They will listen. They will hug or hold you. It will feel good. Human touch is healthy.
Why embarrassed? Have you ever cuddled someone? If not, now's the time! You cuddle any way you want. If you just want to hold hands they will do that. Tell then you feltl unnurtured as a child, let it out. They will listen. They will hug or hold you. It will feel good. Human touch is healthy.
I think I would have to know and trust the person. Having a stranger "cuddle" you seems extra weird to me (unless it was in a psychology class or something). I would question their motives - like why would they want to cuddle someone and why me (besides the fact I would be paying them to do this).
It reminds me of my old therapist - she often told me she "loved" me (strictly platonic - not weird) - but when I disappeared from her practice, she never even called to inquire as to why, or to find out how I was doing (and I get it - we were sick of each other, probably, by that time, as I had been in therapy with her on and off for years).
I think I would have to know and trust the person. Having a stranger "cuddle" you seems extra weird to me (unless it was in a psychology class or something). I would question their motives - like why would they want to cuddle someone and why me (besides the fact I would be paying them to do this).
It reminds me of my old therapist - she often told me she "loved" me (strictly platonic - not weird) - but when I disappeared from her practice, she never even called to inquire as to why, or to find out how I was doing (and I get it - we were sick of each other, probably, by that time, as I had been in therapy with her on and off for years).
The purpose of professional cuddling is to offer safe human touch (non-sexual). Professional cuddlers will not do anything inappropriate (or they would be out of business). It's not to form a bond with you. They will not tell you things like they love you. They will not check up on you later. You pay for their service.
One of the things children often don't get enough of when growing up is touch (hugs etc). And then as adults many still don't get enough. Ever seen children with parents in public places hug/cuddle their parents like they do it all the time? It's normal. A child desires hugs/cuddles from parents and those they love. Touch helps heal emotional wounds, even from a kind stranger it helps. A hurt child needs it even more. As well as adults that feel emotional hurt inside.
After some professional cuddling you'll feel better. But you have to pick a cuddler that you feel ok with (male/female/age/etc). It's unusual at first to cuddle a stranger, but then it feels ok quickly. It's safe with professional cuddlers as they know not to cross boundaries.
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