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Ask your boyfriend who the most reserved and shy person in the group is, and make it a point to talk to them. Get his personal info. How many of the women have been his girlfriend? Is this going to be a drink and shout event or more like a collegiate cocktail party? At the very least, learn who is playing, read a couple of sports articles on the matchup, and find out which team your boyfriend is backing. Is there money on the game? With a little background, you may sit there quietly, but you won't miss so much of the conversation.
Circulate. Talk to multiple people. Be willing to give them your attention. If your boyfriend wants to include you, there's a reason. Laugh at their jokes and be friendly. Act like you are glad to meet them. If it works out like it seems your boyfriend wants it to work out, they may be your friends for years. It will also tell you a lot about the people he picks for friends.
Ask your boyfriend who the most reserved and shy person in the group is, and make it a point to talk to them. Get his personal info. How many of the women have been his girlfriend? Is this going to be a drink and shout event or more like a collegiate cocktail party? At the very least, learn who is playing, read a couple of sports articles on the matchup, and find out which team your boyfriend is backing. Is there money on the game? With a little background, you may sit there quietly, but you won't miss so much of the conversation.
Circulate. Talk to multiple people. Be willing to give them your attention. If your boyfriend wants to include you, there's a reason. Laugh at their jokes and be friendly. Act like you are glad to meet them. If it works out like it seems your boyfriend wants it to work out, they may be your friends for years. It will also tell you a lot about the people he picks for friends.
You sound like me. I would feel the same in your situation with being shy about meeting friends.
AND I've been miserable at football parties. I don't watch football, so I'm bored by the activity,
So in your shoes I'd be bored by the football AND I'm stuck hanging out with people I don't know who are following a script i'm not familiar with.
I would politely decline and meet the friends for the first time on more familiar/comfortable territory.
But i do also see the merit in just sucking it up and going and getting it over with. I realize I"m not much help, but I just want to offer my sympathy and tell you that you are not alone.
And you sound just like me. There are lots of us out there who don't like loud, rowdy parties and don't enjoy sports.
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OP, I say to tell your boyfriend how you are feeling about all this and see what he has to say. Take it from there.
One more thing you might want to do: if you really like this guy and he is really into sports, you might want to ask him to teach you the rules of the game even if it bores you to tears. At least you'll know why the room full of sports fans erupt into cheers or groans lol.
Be yourself. Admit you know little about football.
Talk more to the women than the men, say nice things about the food, their haircut, their clothes.
When I was dating my husband he had a big social group, I had none being an introvert who moved to town. One by one they got married and the social group dwindled. The Super Bowl was always a big, boring party for us to go to since he didn't like sports and it always lasted waaay too long. Once a year I could do that.
If there aren't many women at the party they obviously had more interesting plans so maybe you won't have to attend future sports parties (something you can discuss if you 2 keep dating).
A lot of these football centric parties aren't really anything special and aren't really even about football. It's really no different than an Oscar/Emmy award party.
I have had years where the only football I watched all season was the Super Bowl. Playing sports benefits me more than watching them. Anyway, there were a couple of Super Bowl parties in past years where I was not part of a couple and the rest of the members of my main social circle were part of long term established couples. Those were miserable events for me as a single, probably worse than anything OP would have felt yesterday if she went to it. Fortunately, I coupled, and that social circle sort of disintegrated due to some people moving to other cities.
If OP attended that party, it probably would have been an all couples event, and she would have interacted with other girlfriends/wives. She would have had less feelings of isolation and non-belonging than I had at the aforementioned Super Bowl party.
Hi everyone, need some advice if I should go through with attending a football watch party tomorrow with the guy I'm dating and a bunch of his former fraternity brothers and their wives.
The back story -- we've been dating about 1.5 months. I feel very comfortable and confident with this guy one-on-one but I'm definitely reserved and more introverted whereas he's an extrovert and very socially savvy. He has previously invited me to social gatherings with friends and co-workers and I always declined, but I feel like since we've been dating a few weeks now, I need to meet his friends at some point. The thing is, they're all kind of "cool" people who were in fraternities/sororities in college, attractive loud people, etc. I'm really different -- I rushed a sorority in college but I didn't get into any (despite being blonde and made up I'm kind of shy and awkward around new people, especially if they're loud and extroverted).
Anyway, he really wants me to go to his football watch party tomorrow with a bunch of his friends and I'm worried about looking really stupid (for example, if they're all really animated and loud and I'm just sitting there). I know this may sound dumb but I've just never been good with these types of people. I know that eventually he has to see who I am -- and that includes my reserved side. I guess I kind of would ideally like to meet these people in a different setting, like getting dinner or something with one or two, rather than a big group of strangers who are all loud and drinking. Do you think I should go this football party? Or decline the offer but try to meet his friends at a different time where I'm more comfortable? The other thing is, he has sort of talked me up to them and I feel like there's an "expectation" or something now that I'm going to be a certain way and then I'll disappoint everyone -- my date when he realizes I'm actually kind of awkward and the friends who realize I'm not as cool as they thought. What do you think?
You are cool in your own way. Cool enough for your boyfriend, and at the end of the day, he's the one that matters. As a matter of fact, your boyfriend thinks you're so cool, he wants to show you off to his friends. HE thinks he's lucky to have you in his life.
So you go to this thing, and you smile, you stick your hand out to shake hands, you keep smiling, you ask polite questions, compliment the hostess on the beautiful spread, etc.
Remember! You are as valid as you are, as anyone else at this grouping.
Hi, yes I went to the party. I appreciate the advice from everyone here here, I ended up going and just stuck with advice from some posters there to just keep it simple -- be polite and smile. The friends at this party were pretty similar to how I thought they'd be -- very loud and outgoing -- but they were very nice to me, I think obviously they are happy that their friend has found someone he likes. I can't say I enjoyed the party but I'm glad I got through it and it was good to meet the friends of this person I'm dating. I think the only thing that was a little "off" was the guy I'm dating didn't really "stick" with me I guess. He kind of left me to fend for myself with all his friends, almost ignoring me a little at points and only coming over and being visibly affectionate when it was during certain socially opportune times (other couples were being affectionate too). I don't know if I was reading into that too much but that was definitely a turn off--he's clearly influenced a lot by what his friends think and such. Either way, I'm glad I went to this party to see this side of him and also challenge myself a little socially. Thank you everyone!
Glad it worked out. Stuff like this shouldn't seem so daunting next time.
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