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I married a strong, independent woman. She’s never been subtle about her being able to go it alone or support our kids. But she’s interested, I’m interested, and we make it work.
The bedroom part it what kindle clicks it in. *ahem*
I don’t see how housework is not a man thing? I change oil, change tires, take out trash, cut the yard, fix the toilet and sinks, and pay every bill.
I think men doing nothing is a complaint of the young, apartment dwelling contingent. Lots of young guys have gone from mom folding their laundry to shacking up with their girlfriend, and have no idea how to change oil, or even that it's necessary.
My wife and I share cooking, which we both like to do. We also share washing dishes, which neither of us likes to do. I mop the floors, dust the furniture, split kindling, bring in the firewood, she runs the vacuum and does the laundry. I spread two cubic yards of bark dust last week. She is has been busier than me, but just resigned from two nonprofit boards, so may take over more cooking.
When she was working, she was gone a lot, to late night meetings and business trips. I'm pretty independent, so didn't mind. I think her business associates would be surprised at how often I acted as her consultant. Our days together were nonstop conversation, after she woke up. I always encouraged her to rest. Top executives have to be "on" all the time, and it's stressful.
We have been together 33 years and still haven't had our first fight.
Now I better go change the furnace filters before I forget.
It's not that many men are cleaning avoidant, it's more that they either consciously or unconsciously defer to their female partners for instruction aboutchores, as if it's her job to maintain the mental calendar of what needs to be done and when. So, he's thinking, "I would have unloaded the dishwasher if she'd asked," and she's thinking, "why do I have to tell a grown man to do something that obvioulsy needs to be done." There's a good comic about the subject: https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05...houldve-asked/
Yeah, and I don't know about other women's husbands, but if I do not ask him at the right time (in others words, do it immediately), then it gets on the mound of stuff he "forgot." What tires me, is mentally having to keep track of everything. And when I get tired... I get cranky. Jus' sayin'.
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"I've got a fightin' side a mile wide but I pray for peace"
(set 26 days ago)
Location: Florida
14,632 posts, read 9,617,984 times
Reputation: 11689
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43
Yeah, and I don't know about other women's husbands, but if I do not ask him at the right time (in others words, do it immediately), then it gets on the mound of stuff he "forgot." What tires me, is mentally having to keep track of everything. And when I get tired... I get cranky. Jus' sayin'.
Yeah, and I don't know about other women's husbands, but if I do not ask him at the right time (in others words, do it immediately), then it gets on the mound of stuff he "forgot." What tires me, is mentally having to keep track of everything. And when I get tired... I get cranky. Jus' sayin'.
I think this is something that most men don't realize. A lot will say, "Just ask me to..." or "Just tell me to..." But that is still putting the burden of keeping track of everything that needs to be done and making sure everything gets done on her. She's still the one making sure everything gets done. You are an adult. If you see laundry that needs to be done, or whatever, just do it. I think this just breeds resentment and little by little causes women to lose respect for their partners because it's makes men out to be like children instead of an equal. Refer to the study I posted earlier that says husbands actually INCREASE the amount of work women do every week by 7 hours. However, having a wife decreases the amount of time spent on chores for men.
My neighbors are a good example. They both work. She was constantly asking him to help more. He would when she asked, but she shouldn't have to ask him when he's staring right at a sink full of dishes. They had a cleaning person come in every couple of weeks, but they weren't there every day to do the daily tasks. One particular source of contention was laundry. He always pulled the, "Well, I mow the lawn all the time (once every 2 weeks)." So he thought he shouldn't have to do laundry, which is a heck of a lot more than every 2 weeks. She suggested hiring someone to mow the lawn. Got quotes and it was $150 a month. He thought that was ridiculous because he could just do it himself. He suggested using a laundry service. That was $600 a month, which he was totally fine with. It made no sense. Anyway, they are divorced now. She moved out and he is still distraught over it. He still doesn't understand why she left, because "he's a nice guy" (which he is), and he helped out around the house (not nearly as much as he thought he did).
I've noticed a lot of guys here saying "I change the oil in the cars." Well, how often do you have to do that? I'm guess it's not as often as bathrooms need to be cleaned, clothes need to be washed, etc. And you know you can have someone else do that for a whole heck of a lot less than it costs someone to clean your house, right?
Hmmm, where else are you getting that from? Or is that just a random, missed-the-mark, dig?
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Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
I think this is something that most men don't realize. A lot will say, "Just ask me to..." or "Just tell me to..." But that is still putting the burden of keeping track of everything that needs to be done and making sure everything gets done on her. She's still the one making sure everything gets done. You are an adult. If you see laundry that needs to be done, or whatever, just do it. I think this just breeds resentment and little by little causes women to lose respect for their partners because it's makes men out to be like children instead of an equal. Refer to the study I posted earlier that says husbands actually INCREASE the amount of work women do every week by 7 hours. However, having a wife decreases the amount of time spent on chores for men.
My neighbors are a good example. They both work. She was constantly asking him to help more. He would when she asked, but she shouldn't have to ask him when he's staring right at a sink full of dishes. They had a cleaning person come in every couple of weeks, but they weren't there every day to do the daily tasks. One particular source of contention was laundry. He always pulled the, "Well, I mow the lawn all the time (once every 2 weeks)." So he thought he shouldn't have to do laundry, which is a heck of a lot more than every 2 weeks. She suggested hiring someone to mow the lawn. Got quotes and it was $150 a month. He thought that was ridiculous because he could just do it himself. He suggested using a laundry service. That was $600 a month, which he was totally fine with. It made no sense. Anyway, they are divorced now. She moved out and he is still distraught over it. He still doesn't understand why she left, because "he's a nice guy" (which he is), and he helped out around the house (not nearly as much as he thought he did).
I've noticed a lot of guys here saying "I change the oil in the cars." Well, how often do you have to do that? I'm guess it's not as often as bathrooms need to be cleaned, clothes need to be washed, etc. And you know you can have someone else do that for a whole heck of a lot less than it costs someone to clean your house, right?
There is a lot of truth in this. ^^^^
__________________ ____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
__________________ ____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
Status:
"I've got a fightin' side a mile wide but I pray for peace"
(set 26 days ago)
Location: Florida
14,632 posts, read 9,617,984 times
Reputation: 11689
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43
You failed.
No... you passed
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