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There are now more women than men in the workforce. The 1950s June Cleaver stay at home wife doesn’t align with the reality of 2020. Today, the way to long term economic stability is a dual income couple where both log their 35 years in the Social Security system with strong earnings while contributing heavily to their 401(k). I’m 61. My fiancé is 59. Delaying to age 70, our combined Social Security income will be almost $90k. That and our retirement portfolios will keep us comfortable forever. The retirement math is really challenging doing it on one income and a traditional barefoot and pregnant wife. A 1%er can pull it off but someone making 10th percentile income is likely facing a pretty lean retirement doing it on one income.
For all of human history until the Boomer generation, life was basically a two-person job (and usually more). It's basically been only the Boomer and X generations where either a man or a woman could get through a long life alone and end up well-prepared at the end.
It seems like Boomers and X-ers may be the last such generations.
I've heard people talking that way. Such people should not be in long relationships.
People in a deep relationship want to know that they fulfill a need in the other person.
I'm not talking about some kind of weird pathological co-dependency.
But that normal humans have a need for close relationships, and the people in those close relationships want to feel that they fulfill that need.
What does it mean to be only "wanted?" Like a pair of shoes? "Wants" change with the next television commercial or department store window.
That reminds me of the song lyric, "...she's sitting with you, but her eyes are on the door."
No man wants to be only "wanted." I don't think even women want to be only "wanted."
I think what people mean by "wanted" is not being someone's crutch or life support machine in life. You know being solely responsible for their well being. They expect to be a partner, not a parent or counselor. That's not to say abandon the ones you love when they are low. We do need support from others. It helps us get through tough times.
Honestly though if you love someone the line between want and need blur. It's hard, at least for me, to know where one ends and the other begins. Intellectually, I want to be wanted. Emotionally, however, I don't mind being needed by those I love.
Last edited by sweetdreams2013; 01-14-2020 at 07:33 PM..
And although she claims to be an independent woman, I'd bet anything she wouldn't want a man who didn't have a high income.
She wouldn't want a man who didn't have an income at least EQUAL to hers because then neither would be happy. He wouldn't because he would feel 'less than" and not the "provider" and she wouldn't because she wants an EQUAL, not someone to live off her. Been there, felt that. He drank beer and I drank good wine. He wanted ME to provide his beer -- sorry Charlie. If they wanted to go out to dinner and she wanted to go to a nice place but he didn't want to spend the money -- that wouldn't work either. And don't say, then have HER pay-- she has, without being asked. It gets old after awhile and you end up feeling like not trying anymore because you aren't on the same playing field.
Yes, there should be give and take in every relationship, in every aspect, but that is SO hard to find. Usually it's one or the other who gives in- all the time. That's what we are used to seeing. Very few couples where both are successful and give enough pieces of themselves to complete a WHOLE puzzle.
The women writing the blog doesn't necessarily hate men, she's just stating some points that men (and women) seem to forget, and have for years.
My girlfriends used to tell me to "act dumb" and I responded, why should I?
We had a small group of successful women where we would pretty much do whatever we wanted, go where we wanted etc. Date IF we wanted. We still would like to have a man, a boyfriend, a husband, a forever but that never made us stop and dwell on the subject while we were moving forward. We all worked hard and fought against the "mans world" the whole way no matter how good we were.
Yes, I've been called a ***** before, but it always seemed odd that I was STILL right (and honest about it or the situation) but because I was right..... that made me a *****. Go figure. Even my woman boss did that to me once. To me, that made HER a *****. Actually, that happens to me even here when I post something that is a quote from the news or an article or a fact that someone doesn't like. I get attacked for it. Why? Because I speak up? Maybe I should just change my name to Marysunshine and be a housewife and then post. Wonder if that would change things.
Once, one of my company bosses said this to me at a corporate cocktail party -- You are one of the best salespeople I have, but you can be a real *****! (said with a raised cocktail glass in his hand and a smile on his face).
oh... and I don't hate men either.....never did. Just way past the point the writer is trying to make when we were making the same points years ago.
It's STILL "The Good Ole Boys Club" even though women have made some headway. Just not enough. I see some minor cracks in the glass ceiling. Looks like there's some duct tape on them.
One hardly has to be affluent to be independent. There's a big space between struggling and affluence, where most people fit. And poorer women often have to be strong. They may have to work a few jobs.
In the numbered talking points in the blog, number 4 is:
“Are you comfortable with a woman earning more than you or being more successful than you?”
The author is talking about successful women, not wage slaves living hand to mouth working two jobs. The author is a PhD psychologist and you’re getting the point of view of a highly educated and engaged career track woman. The numbered questions at the end of the blog are all referencing this kind of woman.
My sister is a 1%er Vice President with a PhD from the Duke medical school. Our mother was an Ivy trained university prof. I grew up in a household of driven and successful women so this viewpoint isn’t exactly new to me. It creates some very unique relationship challenges.
It depends if someone always wants to be the alpha in the relationship. I think relationship issues arise when both want to be the alpha and/or one party thinks they can at least control or manage the other. I know guys who always wind up breaking up with strong independent woman in part because many strong/independent people are smart and/or call them out on their poop wether it's lifestyle, cheating, spending, career moves etc. But they want to be the alpha, they want a 'yes' woman and someone they think they can control.
It depends if someone always wants to be the alpha in the relationship. I think relationship issues arise when both want to be the alpha and/or one party thinks they can at least control or manage the other. I know guys who always wind up breaking up with strong independent woman in part because many strong/independent people are smart and/or call them out on their poop wether it's lifestyle, cheating, spending, career moves etc. But they want to be the alpha, they want a 'yes' woman and someone they think they can control.
Which, I think, is the entire point of the blog, and who she's addressing in her blog. She's not talking about all men. She's talking about a particular sub-set.
It depends if someone always wants to be the alpha in the relationship. I think relationship issues arise when both want to be the alpha and/or one party thinks they can at least control or manage the other. I know guys who always wind up breaking up with strong independent woman in part because many strong/independent people are smart and/or call them out on their poop wether it's lifestyle, cheating, spending, career moves etc. But they want to be the alpha, they want a 'yes' woman and someone they think they can control.
That isn't exclusive to the stereotypical "SIW." It's true of anyone that wants a reliable long term partner.
In the numbered talking points in the blog, number 4 is:
“Are you comfortable with a woman earning more than you or being more successful than you?”
The author is talking about successful women, not wage slaves living hand to mouth working two jobs. The author is a PhD psychologist and you’re getting the point of view of a highly educated and engaged career track woman. The numbered questions at the end of the blog are all referencing this kind of woman.
My sister is a 1%er Vice President with a PhD from the Duke medical school. Our mother was an Ivy trained university prof. I grew up in a household of driven and successful women so this viewpoint isn’t exactly new to me. It creates some very unique relationship challenges.
You were the one who brought up women living paycheck to paycheck in post 40.
This woman strikes me as ignorant, immature and indoctrinated. Perhaps she was raised in a sheltered environment with a lack of diverse role models. Like many SJWs she is angry that others may have a different viewpoint and feels entitled to scold and school them. She isn't unique nor special, neither are your household of women, they are just women who made certain choices. Their relationship challenges are not harder than others, we all have our crosses to bear.
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