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Our first child began quite unexpectedly, before we were even a 'We'. I'd certainly never expected to go on a date, as hideous as I was, and considering my 'Complete Outcast' status, grades 3-12.
But there I was, with this pitiful boy I'd teamed-up with, to attend the various free offerings on campus, during Preregistration and Week One, first semester, first year of college. Maybe what we were doing had turned into a quasi-date. Anyway, I accidentally brushed against him, and thus accidentally found something unexpected - and on a scale nobody would have guessed, considering the substandard nature of the rest of his physical presence.
I think that this manifestation had everything to do with his 17-year-old hormones, and nothing to do with me - not that I didn't seize the opportunity when it presented itself. I certainly never expected to get another one.
By the time I realized I was pregnant, we'd both been lifting weights, and having sex as many times as two college freshmen CAN - which is basically nonstop - even while I was teaching him English and History, and he was teaching me Algebra. We also were taking vitamins, and eating well, for the first time in our lives (both from extremely deprived backgrounds). Too, forgetting to eat, because we were so "busy", we were practicing what I now understand to be Intermittent Fasting - a huge hormone booster. The combination of all these things, sent him into a late-onset growth spurt, made him muscle-up faster than one would have expected, and began to clear-up his severe acne. His buzzed hair was growing out, and so his ringworm scars were becoming invisible.
I still wouldn't have kept the baby, except that he and I were both rolling in money, suddenly (by our standards). We both had Work-Study, and both were picking up odd jobs around campus. I liked the way he handled money (He kept it.). I was impressed with myself, too. When I talked "Trust Fund", he actually listened. Neither of us knew, really, what one was. But when I said there would be no baby without one, he agreed. I was more worried about the baby's financial prospects, than about getting a wedding ring. But both happened. Had my future husband shown signs of being a loser, I would not have had the baby. Not only did I have a better understanding of finances than did most kids my age, but I understood the importance of genes. His genes were looking better all the time.
Babies two and three happened a few years later. Again, nothing was going to happen, unless there were trust funds. By then, we, and our mentors, knew how to set this up prior to birth. By this time, my ability to use real estate as a vehicle for leveraging, had become apparent. And our futures as high-earners in our actual professions, had also become apparent. Too, we and our "pod" of friends were raising our children more-or-less communally, which made all the difference. Without a network of friends and mentors, having children would have been impossible. But again, there would have been no babies, had we not been pretty certain we had the money to ensure their futures. And had it not been apparent that we were maturing into a "power couple", we would not have considered our life together, to be something good enough to bring children into.
WHY did we have our children? It was part of our BUILDING process. And, being from nonexistent families, we wanted a family. We were entranced with the process of making something, where there had been nothing. We'd never considered it possible, until the first one came along. But once we'd pulled off that first chain of feats, we did it two more times.
I'm sure I'll have kids eventually. You got to pass your legacy on.
A ridiculous reason to tie your relationship and resources and life for 18+ years to a person who has no need to be born except your desire for a "legacy." We are just little dots in the universe with a very short time span. A sea slug can reproduce. I have never understood this legacy thing. If you want to spend your time and resource and relationship with a child or children, then fine, do so. We are not English lords and frankly, I doubt they left much of a legacy either. When we're gone, we're gone. Spreading some DNA doesn't make you immortal.
I'm sure I'll have kids eventually. You got to pass your legacy on.
Hopefully you won't have them eventually, if this is all you got as a reason. Kids should be wanted/loved for the best kick-start; else, it's absurd to complicate their life (or yours) for any other reason.
I'm sure I'll have kids eventually. You got to pass your legacy on.
You can do that through actual achievement, you realize that right? You leave a much better legacy through great work than you do just popping out a brat.
I don't know why people talk about how they didn't play with dolls or coo and aw at babies as a reason they knew they weren't child-oriented.
I hated dolls. Never played house or imagined my perfect wedding. No princess nonsense. As a kid, did not like other kids. As an adult never wanted to hold anyone's baby (*snore*). Still don't.
Despite this, ADORE my kids, love every day and moment with them, and kinda wish I had more than 2.
The only thing I don't like about having kids is the anxiety. Worrying about someone else so hard for the rest of my life. I hate this feeling.
Yep.
Not into babies, never was, but love the heck out of and genuinely enjoy my kids.
I also get the anxiety thing, but for me, before I had kids, it was already there...just focused on my spouse, my parents, etc.
Father passed away suddenly and unexpectedly years ago. I helped take over property management business and live below my means on subsistence wages as well as care giving for my elderly mother and special needs brother. Don't think most women would like to live that way. Would be a great Dad, but probably won't happen since I'm now middle aged (look younger, fit in good shape) and most women without kids want younger guys. Still keeping the faith though...may head overseas to find a younger woman of childbearing age. A risky proposition...let me know guys if you had success doing this!
Father passed away suddenly and unexpectedly years ago. I helped take over property management business and live below my means on subsistence wages as well as care giving for my elderly mother and special needs brother. Don't think most women would like to live that way. Would be a great Dad, but probably won't happen since I'm now middle aged (look younger, fit in good shape) and most women without kids want younger guys. Still keeping the faith though...may head overseas to find a younger woman of childbearing age. A risky proposition...let me know guys if you had success doing this!
Yeah, facing the same issue (middle age, I mean). About 15-20 years late for me. Highly doubtful at this point, but saddens me. Huge regret.
Yeah, facing the same issue (middle age, I mean). About 15-20 years late for me. Highly doubtful at this point, but saddens me. Huge regret.
You can still do it if you really want it...just look in other area, places (or countries) outside of America although that can be risky...my elderly mother says they may just be "green card chasers" which does give me second thoughts.
You can still do it if you really want it...just look in other area, places (or countries) outside of America although that can be risky...my elderly mother says they may just be "green card chasers" which does give me second thoughts.
I'm doing that. I leave for Ukraine in 2 weeks
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