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Patience is a virtue and I'm helping my friends increase their virtues! Ha! And not being expected to answer texts immediately is so much more restful. Wait a day or so and reply with 'oops, lost my phone' or 'the battery died' or some such. Don't answer immediately all the time or they will expect it.
Why say your battery died or that you lost your phone? Why not be honest and say you were busy doing other things? For example, I sent something ridiculous to my best friend yesterday and joked that she was ghosting me afterward when she did not reply. Her response was that she actually had to get back to work and real life. I am an adult and respect that we all have other things we need to do. I have other friends who just say “sorry, I didn’t see your last message” if I text them after not hearing for them for a week or two (I have some friends who have iPads and their messages might appear when the kids are using the iPad). I am not particularly offended.
The only time I get annoyed is when someone asks for advice and then doesn’t respond for several days or weeks. I think that is unacceptable. At least say thanks and that you’re considering it within a day or two, even if you don’t have a response at that moment. Generally though, it doesn’t bother me when real life gets in the way! Unlike the OP, I certainly don’t expect responses within minutes. That is insane!
I don't mean to stereotype or generalize, but I think the urgency or amount of time people expect a response to a text may be somewhat generational. I'm a Boomer and I'll admit that texting came about after many of my adult routines or habits were already formed. So yes, I have an iPhone and I do text, but it's not a priority to me. If I'm spending time with others, I don't access my phone; unless there is something urgent taking place, it stays in my handbag, as I consider it rude to the people I'm with to be reading and responding to other people by text unless it's an emergency or maybe someone joining us hasn't arrived and we need to see if the text is from them. Seeing groups of people together but all on their cell phones makes me think they don't live in the present - they're not connecting with the very people they're with if they're distracted with texts and calls from others. And there are times you simply can't be engaged in person and texting someone else, especially people who text and want to have an ongoing conversation where a phone call would make more sense at least to a lot of us older folk).
The simple fact is that there are times when I'm just not accessible by text and I offer no apologies. I don't feel responsible for being available 24/7 for everyone I know - I think that's unrealistic and exhausting. If you really need me and I don't respond to a text, then call me or e-mail me - you have much better changes with either of those two options.
The older generation lived in a time when you were out of touch with people when you left the house - as you left your landline home and cell phones weren't commonplace. Being accessible all the time is a blessing and a curse to me. There are times when it gives you freedom and there are times when it's an intrusion.
So if the OP is a younger person, then the rules of engagement or expectations of a response is likely to be different than a different generation. I think various generations place a different priority on texting.
Please don't get me wrong. When I'm super busy at work I even forget to eat at times with my hyper focus. But majority of the times, if I see a message on my phone, It must be checked and replied to. I can't just look at a message and be like "Oh I'll just reply back later because I'm too self observed to give someone time of the day." If I am asked a question even in person. I feel the need to reply back. If I don't know the answer, I'll go searching for it so I can get the answer and reply them back with.
For example I cannot leave an email unchecked. It must be checked, trashed, archived or something. I can't have outstanding notifications laying around on my phone but mainly emails and texts. Honestly, I hate phone calls unless its business. I don't like friendly calls to chit chat, I prefer text
What you wrote sounds awfully obsessive to me (OCD). You "must" reply back, you "can't" leave an email unchecked.
Do you really think you will lose friends if you don't text back right away? That's sad.
The point is to get the message across the most convenient way possible. The quickest way would be through texts not call. There are allot of situations when you cannot pick up calls. Isn't it better just to drop a text which takes 2 seconds?
Oh, sure! But what is convenient for them might be inconvenient for me. Everyone can send me a txt message but is VERY WRONG to expect or get mad if I don't reply right away. It obviously means that the message wasn't considered important or interesting or I was just out of reach, busy or in a situation where texting with someone was highly inappropriate.
What do you do with private txt messages sent to you while you're at work? Are you leaving a conference call, meeting or a client because you feel that you MUST respond immediately? what do you do when you drive? Take the next exit and text right away? Or in a restaurant? Or when actually talking to someone, or during a concert at the opera, etc?
What happens if you are in an area with poor reception - parking garage, elevator, a store or such?...
Or after you go to bed and are asleep?
Will all your friends have a nervous breakdown or unfriend you right away?
My phone is on do not disturb from 9 p.m.-7 a.m. except for family members who can reach me anytime. If I hear a text and the phone isn't on me, I will check it and depending on how important, I will respond then or when I get a free minute. People that have their phone in their hand 24/7 annoy the heck out of me. Really, unless you're in an occupation that requires you be available at all times, then you really just have a grandiose idea of who you really are.
A cell phone is for MY convenience, nobody else's.
So if the OP is a younger person, then the rules of engagement or expectations of a response is likely to be different than a different generation. I think various generations place a different priority on texting.
Probably so, but there is always a healthy way to do things, and that should be paramount. What the OP is doing is not realistic, sensible or healthy (for her). Hopefully the exchange here on this thread will provide a 'wake-up call' or at least a different way to look at the issue.....
I generally respond quickly, especially if it's something quick. If I think it will turn into a back-and-forth conversation, I'll respond quickly if it's someone I want to talk to. If not, I might leave it for later. Or if it's something I need to think about or it requires action on my part, I will often leave it for when I have time to deal with it. But that's if I'm available... if I'm cooking dinner, driving, working, etc., I am not available to respond immediately. (Okay, I will actually usually respond even if I'm working because I'm always looking for distractions. Not saying that's a good thing, but it's my honest response!)
Sometimes I respond quickly, a few days after, and sometimes I don't respond at all. I told my friends don't be offended, if I have a problem with you I'll let you know directly and if you NEED a response let me know in the text. Otherwise life happens and I'll get to it when I get to it. I apply the same rules to myself. And sometimes I get insecure and wonder what is going on and end up sending a text. "I sent a few messages and haven't heard from you, I hope everything is ok. Maybe your super busy or you hate me. "
That message always gets a response and any insecurity I might feel leaves.
Otherwise life happens and I'll get to it when I get to it.
Whether it's a phone call, an e-mail or a text, I always say "Life Comes First" to anyone who apologizes for a delay in a response. I don't think anyone should expect others to be accessible at all times - it's simply unreasonable and unrealistic. I really don't like texting other than for brief exchanges.
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