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OP, you have to know that women are naturally hypergamous - they always seek the best they can get, with respect to defined standards and qualities. The internet has pretty much made the market global, and as media advances, it will get to the point that only the top 5% of men could ever have a chance.
Right.
It's just that for some of us, those "defined standards and qualities" might include mad flogger skills, ability to accurately quote Douglas Adams, and a collection of McFarlane Dragons that can compete with my own.
OP, you have to know that women are naturally hypergamous - they always seek the best they can get, with respect to defined standards and qualities. The internet has pretty much made the market global, and as media advances, it will get to the point that only the top 5% of men could ever have a chance.
Show me a person who doesn't always seek out the best he can get and I will show you a person who is lazy, unambitious, defeatist or all three. Of course, what is "best" is subjective and differs by individual. There are no universal "defined standards and qualities" for what someone finds attractive.
It's just that for some of us, those "defined standards and qualities" might include mad flogger skills, ability to accurately quote Douglas Adams, and a collection of McFarlane Dragons that can compete with my own.
Yes. This.
This is the part that these type of guys seemingly never understand. What MY standards are will not necessarily be what someone else's standards are. (However, my husband has a couple of McFarlane Dragons. But you can't have him. ;-) ) He collects dragons (some of them are gifts from me) and I collect penguins (some of them, gifts from him.) He wrote me a love story once, about a penguin and a dragon that fell in love. That scored about a million points with me.
This is the part that these type of guys seemingly never understand. What MY standards are will not necessarily be what someone else's standards are. (However, my husband has a couple of McFarlane Dragons. But you can't have him. ;-) ) He collects dragons (some of them are gifts from me) and I collect penguins (some of them, gifts from him.) He wrote me a love story once, about a penguin and a dragon that fell in love. That scored about a million points with me.
I've lost count...we have lots of the dragons, the difference is that mine were removed from the boxes to display because I bought them for my own joy and some of his are still boxed for their collectible value, as that's the mindset behind a lot of his collecting. A more fun version of attempted investing...though honestly given how much the value HAS increased on some of his stuff, he's not wrong.
Now the Furby, though... We have a joke, we were talking about our collections and he mentioned that the Furby was a loser, it was a first edition and he kept it in the box and in storage hoping it would become valuable and it never did. So now, I joke that I only really want him for his Furby, or that "one day I'll get my hands on that Furby." I've never seen it, actually, it's buried in a box somewhere, so it's become a mythical creature.
But yeah, the advice I've given a thousand times to guys who struggle to connect with women, is just to find something that can be their thing. Being really good at X. Whether that is being good looking, cracking funny jokes, having excellent taste, a musical talent, you name it. Anything. Something. Just be really into it and make it your thing. (Probably best if it isn't Fortnite or Magic: The Gathering, but you never know. It should definitely not be complaining.) And then find groups of humans that include women and go there and do your thing there and try to connect with women who are into that. Somewhere, whatever it is you're all about, there's somebody else who is all about it, too. You don't have to be ALL the things. Just be SOMETHING.
My fiance did not make me feel all starry eyed the moment we met, he made me feel curious. That was great! Because then I wanted to know more! But if you're absolutely bland and mediocre in every way and blend into the wallpaper and the only thing anyone feels around you is bored out of their minds, how are you gonna seriously expect women to notice, let alone compliment, let alone pursue you?? I don't compliment boring women, either! Nor, for that matter, women who seem to have nasty attitudes. If I meet a woman anywhere and she seems like a person I don't want to know, she's always mad about stuff and she blames others for her problems and she's kind of a pain, then I'm not going out of my way to compliment her and I don't care what she looks like.
I've lost count...we have lots of the dragons, the difference is that mine were removed from the boxes to display because I bought them for my own joy and some of his are still boxed for their collectible value, as that's the mindset behind a lot of his collecting. A more fun version of attempted investing...though honestly given how much the value HAS increased on some of his stuff, he's not wrong.
Now the Furby, though... We have a joke, we were talking about our collections and he mentioned that the Furby was a loser, it was a first edition and he kept it in the box and in storage hoping it would become valuable and it never did. So now, I joke that I only really want him for his Furby, or that "one day I'll get my hands on that Furby." I've never seen it, actually, it's buried in a box somewhere, so it's become a mythical creature.
But yeah, the advice I've given a thousand times to guys who struggle to connect with women, is just to find something that can be their thing. Being really good at X. Whether that is being good looking, cracking funny jokes, having excellent taste, a musical talent, you name it. Anything. Something. Just be really into it and make it your thing. (Probably best if it isn't Fortnite or Magic: The Gathering, but you never know. It should definitely not be complaining.) And then find groups of humans that include women and go there and do your thing there and try to connect with women who are into that. Somewhere, whatever it is you're all about, there's somebody else who is all about it, too. You don't have to be ALL the things. Just be SOMETHING.
My fiance did not make me feel all starry eyed the moment we met, he made me feel curious. That was great! Because then I wanted to know more! But if you're absolutely bland and mediocre in every way and blend into the wallpaper and the only thing anyone feels around you is bored out of their minds, how are you gonna seriously expect women to notice, let alone compliment, let alone pursue you?? I don't compliment boring women, either! Nor, for that matter, women who seem to have nasty attitudes. If I meet a woman anywhere and she seems like a person I don't want to know, she's always mad about stuff and she blames others for her problems and she's kind of a pain, then I'm not going out of my way to compliment her and I don't care what she looks like.
I had to bold this last paragraph for emphasis. This is 100%.
Especially the part about being bland and nothing about a person standing out.
Anyone that wants to be noticed, complimented, etc. is going to have to stand out in some way. This often involves taking risks and stepping out of convention. I did it and I got more attention from the opposite sex.
I just wanted to add to all that has been already said that women learn from a very young age to keep their guard up with men. An astoundingly large number of men take any kindness as an open invitation to harass a woman or worse. Frankly, it can be dangerous for women to say certain things for fear that men will take it the wrong way.
I just wanted to add to all that has been already said that women learn from a very young age to keep their guard up with men. An astoundingly large number of men take any kindness as an open invitation to harass a woman or worse. Frankly, it can be dangerous for women to say certain things for fear that men will take it the wrong way.
I just wanted to add to all that has been already said that women learn from a very young age to keep their guard up with men. An astoundingly large number of men take any kindness as an open invitation to harass a woman or worse. Frankly, it can be dangerous for women to say certain things for fear that men will take it the wrong way.
I've heard some disturbing stories about counselors/therapists asking harassment and rape victims what they did to get the perpetrator's attention; how did they get on his radar, as if accusing the victim of provoking the inappropriate behavior.
This implies, that no women should smile at, or compliment, or casually chat with (like in a cashier line or ticket line, or whatever) any unknown men, ever, because you never know if one of the random guys that crosses your path might be some kind of nut case, who reads too much into a friendly "hello" and has serious boundary issues or worse.
That's too disturbing a picture of the world, or of our society, for me to handle. I don't know how to live in a world like that.
I've heard some disturbing stories about counselors/therapists asking harassment and rape victims what they did to get the perpetrator's attention; how did they get on his radar, as if accusing the victim of provoking the inappropriate behavior.
.
Counseling and therapists (and this is pretty standard) will tell the person they attract a certain kind of person, even if it's subconscious. I've never believed much in this theory, though, and even if it's true, it doesn't guarantee that a person won't be victimized. These counselors are billing $100 an hour or more to blame the victims.
And see, it's often impossible to know if someone's a nut case.
Even as a victim of theft, I've been asked constantly what I did to cause it. When I told people my purse was stolen, the first thing they would say was, "Why weren't you more careful?" But when I take extra measures to ensure my stuff is locked up, people will tell me 'Your paranoid." A person really can't win either way because our society is so judgmental.
Last edited by PriscillaVanilla; 01-23-2020 at 12:08 PM..
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