Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
The way I see it if you are being mistreated, that person is basically your enemy. Doesn't mean you have to react right then, although you might. Sometimes acting scary or threatening is the best way to handle it if you can do it like Clint Eastwood, squinty eyes, talking low. Best way is to outsmart them. I'm not going to feel any empathy or sympathy for them, because they mistreated me. That was their choice, not some result of their upbringing or lack of knowledge. They did it to gain some advantage or enjoyment or because they saw me as weak and powerless. If it's important to me, I will change that impression they have of me. If it's some idiot flipping me the bird while we are driving, it's forgotten immediately.
The best way to handle being mistreated/someone talking crap is simply to remove yourself from the friendship (and not allow to be emotionally controlled by someone else). Of course, in some cases, this results in the person speaking even more crap, lol (as they are angry and want your attention, even if it's in a negative way). It's a matter of removing your own emotion from the equation, however, and looking at the situation logically in terms of problem solving and resolution. If you're worried about someone seeing you as 'weak and powerless'; then essentially, you're allowing someone else's opinion of you to define who you are. You can't control what anyone thinks (nor does it matter), but their behavior is sometimes actionable.
Are they simply talking crap - or has it spread to a pathological depth across 'multiple platforms' or in a libelous way? Action is going to resolve it, not emotions. OP - you're on the right track in terms of 'emotionally not caring'; yet, as other people have pointed out in the thread, starting a thread about it is the opposite.
There was a guy called the coward of the county for always turning the other cheek. His wife ended up getting raped before he did some ass kicking. I just heard this on the radio today.
I don’t understand this obsession with what other people think and do, with regards to what others say about them or behavior that doesn’t affect them. Some people are so quick to fight and turn things physically violent based upon something that someone said, and I frankly don’t have that in me in the vast majority of circumstances.
My response when someone is “talking crap” or whatever other thing people want to use as a euphemism for drama is to say to myself “This person is an idiot and what they think doesn’t matter.” Rather than some people’s reaction of “What’d you say? I’m going to beat your axx!”
Basically, I devalue people who cause drama and fights as low class, unintelligent people who are beneath me and write them off and dismiss them rather than getting angry and upset over it.
My response reminds me of Back to the Future Part 3 where Marty finally stops caring if other people call him “chicken” and basically says “I don’t care what Tannen says, and I don’t care what anybody else says, either.” And I find that to be a good approach to life.
My question is, is this a healthy response in your opinion, and if not, what’s wrong with my way of thinking?
I'm not sure why you're raising this topic. Do you have experience with people trying to undermine your reputation or credibility behind your back? It can be very insidious, and have career or relationship repercussions. It may seem like playground behavior to you, but it can be very damaging in some cases. This is why there are laws against defamation; people can sue, and win, if they can meet certain requirements.
Sometimes what people say DOES matter, and can result in damages to the victim (lost employment, or estrangement from family, perhaps exclusion from a family member's will, and so on).
OP, it sounds like you've been watching some scenarios from the sidelines, and are dismissing what you view as childish behavior. Is that why you posted this topic; because you find the squabbling annoying and petty? Sometimes it may be petty, but sometimes it can have quite serious effects on the one being slandered.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 02-08-2020 at 05:53 PM..
It's a little more nuanced than that. For instance, if someone is going around saying stuff about me that is turning the community against me and putting my job at risk, then it is something I have to address. Sure we can say, "Oh, it doesn't matter what they say or do." But you get fired because of a rumor, or you have to deal with cops and the possibility of arrest because of someone throwing dirt on your name, or you wake up to your tires being slashed (Happened to me).
I've had someone send someone after me to beat me possibly to... a permanent condition. Yeah, it's easy for you to say "Oh, that person is just ignorant and low class. Oh, he's nothing," but wait until you have to walk around with your head over your shoulder. People who cause drama and fights are actually dangerous in my experience. The best thing to do is get out. Get away and don't even associate with them.
But if it is petty stuff and people who are like "What you say? I'm gonna beat your axx." Then...those poor guys.
But don't underestimate those guys. You do have to watch your back around them. Definitely don't associate with them when you find out who they are.
Agree 100% with everything. The OP sounds like he lives in a bubble. Genghis Khan said, "Keep your allies close, and your enemies even closer". IOW, once you know someone may be creating obstacles for you, keep an eye on them. Keep track of them, so you know where they're positioned, and whether they still have the potential to undermine you or block you.
It's possible the OP was talking about petty things. But still, you never know when a petty thing can blow up into something bigger. And you never know when the people being petty might escalate their tactics.
Especially with malicious intent, though libel (with intent to provoke) can be easier to prove as one is essentially writing 'proof' rather than just 'talking crap' or expressing an opinion. So it depends entirely on what, specifically, OP is referring to.
I'm not sure why you're raising this topic. Do you have experience with people trying to undermine your reputation or credibility behind your back? It can be very insidious, and have career or relationship repercussions. It may seem like playground behavior to you, but it can be very damaging in some cases. This is why there are laws against defamation; people can sue, and win, if they can meet certain requirements.
Sometimes what people say DOES matter, and can result in damages to the victim (lost employment, or estrangement from family, perhaps exclusion from a family member's will, and so on).
OP, it sounds like you've been watching some scenarios from the sidelines, and are dismissing what you view as childish behavior. Is that why you posted this topic; because you find the squabbling annoying and petty? Sometimes it may be petty, but sometimes it can have quite serious effects on the one being slandered.
I not only find it annoying and petty, but an incredible waste of time, effort and resources.
It's not what you know or what you think, it's what can be proven. If all you've got against someone is rumor and speculation, you really haven't got anything.
People say that perception IS reality. WRONG WRONG WRONG. Perception is perception and reality is reality, not what someone PERCEIVES to be true, or CLAIMS to be true, but what is actually true.
Like I said, I rightly write these people off as childish, immature, low class dirtballs and crap stirrers with poor impulse control and empty lives they feel the need to fill with drama to give their lives "meaning". It's pathetic and obvious to those smart enough to see through it.
The world can think whatever it wants about me, who I really am will be shown through my actions, not the words of someone else.
Agree 100% with everything. The OP sounds like he lives in a bubble. Genghis Khan said, "Keep your allies close, and your enemies even closer". IOW, once you know someone may be creating obstacles for you, keep an eye on them. Keep track of them, so you know where they're positioned, and whether they still have the potential to undermine you or block you.
It's possible the OP was talking about petty things. But still, you never know when a petty thing can blow up into something bigger. And you never know when the people being petty might escalate their tactics.
I live in a bubble because I'm able to hastily write people off and call them out for trying to start drama. Because I see through the facade that most others can't I live in a bubble.
People put too much stock into emotions and how they FEEL about something, what their primitive human emotions are telling them to do, without stopping to actually THINK and realize that the other person talking crap is simply an idiot that they should pay no mind too.
Unfortunately most people in the world are driven by their base emotions and have no desire to see them for what they are. They like to think they're in touch with some hidden part of the human psyche, when in reality they're letting the "dumb" part of their brain override the "smart" part of their brains.
I don't see slander being any different than a little kid on the playground going "You're a poopyhead!", yet somehow we give it more weight because an adult is saying it. It needs to be seen for what it is, stupid, petty drama that doesn't deserve the time of day or the space in your mind.
I don't see slander being any different than a little kid on the playground going "You're a poopyhead!", yet somehow we give it more weight because an adult is saying it. It needs to be seen for what it is, stupid, petty drama that doesn't deserve the time of day or the space in your mind.
There's a difference between tort law vs. drama or harassment; people are speaking to the entire spectrum of 'talking crap' as if it's one and the same.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
