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great and informative posts. I actually was thinking about getting a dog too, but feel like it would cause a lot of headaches down the line since I plan to be pretty busy, but I figure getting a dog makes it much easier to find someone. Will probably help with my loneliness too.
great and informative posts. I actually was thinking about getting a dog too, but feel like it would cause a lot of headaches down the line since I plan to be pretty busy, but I figure getting a dog makes it much easier to find someone. Will probably help with my loneliness too.
Good idea. Good for mental and physical health and well-being. Two things: 1) Get health insurance for the dog. Vet bills are astronomical. 2) Go out with your dog to make friends, don’t be lazy and let the dog actually be your only friend.
Side note: I’ve been out in Manhattan with my nephew who has the cutest dog you’ll ever imagine. Whenever he brings the dog, we literally can’t go 2 blocks without conversations starting.
I realized this morning when I woke up that I haven't spoken to another person since my brief chiropractic visit on Monday and here it is Thursday. Not even a phone call, just a text from my sister. It's really my own fault that I feel lonely. I haven't made any efforts to cultivate new friendships when I stopped working or when I was widowed. Most of the time I enjoy being alone but sometimes I feel so insignificant.
Good idea. Good for mental and physical health and well-being. Two things: 1) Get health insurance for the dog. Vet bills are astronomical. 2) Go out with your dog to make friends, don’t be lazy and let the dog actually be your only friend.
Side note: I’ve been out in Manhattan with my nephew who has the cutest dog you’ll ever imagine. Whenever he brings the dog, we literally can’t go 2 blocks without conversations starting.
I think that is the biggest part of my depression right now. Before it used to be not having a career and not being stable. Now its being lonely. Not having a spouse, having friends drift apart due to adulting in their lives. I am 28 years old so a lot of my friends are working professionals or in long term relationships. Makes me feel that I am not good enough. I have been in relationships and when they don't work out it sucks since relationships for me is few in between with long periods of being by myself. The only thing that keeps me going is I tell myself to focus on my education and trying to be the best version that I can be. Hopefully when I get to where I want in my life then it would be easier to date. I also plan to find some hobbies or something I am passionate about which would ease my loneliness. I feel that friends drifting apart is inevitable part.
Quote:
Originally Posted by friesbruh
34 year old guy checking in. A lot of people I know - the majority - have longterm SO's or have kids/are married. I honestly don't know how they've pulled it off. Ive been perpetually single for almost five years and have gone through absolute hell in the dating market, to the point I have gotten the distinct feeling it's being done on purpose (due to being on dating apps, being recognized in public).
Sometimes I wonder if Im in some alternate universe, if this is real life & how did I go so wrong as to end up 34, starting a new career, no wife, no kids, renting with absolutely no prospects in terms of a relationship or even dating in general.
People always spew all kinds of garbage but they completely miss underlying issues leading to life of a lack of accomplishment and satisfaction.
Ive tried expanding my social circle, which I sort of have, to find dates and new people with things in common but even then, literally none of them reach out to me to hang out. Not one actually tries. I'm the one doing this or doing that.
All that to say I get it. It's a lonely a** road as an aging guy. You realize society doesnt give much of a damn about you, but would if you were some girl with a facebook full of orbiters & friends.
This is part of the reason I just want to go somewhere and live off grid and why I like road tripping so much - its much more normal to be alone on the road so, then, I dont feel so alone.
Godspeed.
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Originally Posted by FeistyCar7
I totally understand where you are coming from. Why do you think you have a lack of success do you think? For me I do get matches and have potential to date however its usually girls who are not very attractive. Girls have told me I am good looking, I have a decent job now (registered nurse) so I can support myself, I work out regularly, I dress decently, I have had girlfriends (maybe out of luck) in the past but it seems the girls that show me interest are usually really overweight, not college educated, not attractive looking and work a dead end job/have kids. I don't think I am that picky, but man the pickings are not really good.
I think part my problem is I don't go on dates a lot nor do I ask girls out on dates. I am introverted person. People told me that I can come across as cold and not friendly which I believe is true. I think I just need to put myself out there more and just date for fun. I always think that if you got a good job and are a comfortable place in life then it would be much easier to date especially as a man. They say men age like wine.
Gonna tell you the truth as a 35 year old man. This is a really cold world, especially for men. What we typically have to look forward to is being alone...at best. Then there are people out there who will pretend to be your friend, but are actually just wanting to use you and hurt you in some way. Then eventually, you realize through observation that most of the world is fake anyway, and even the people who have an "entourage" do not really have it better. The people surrounding them are mostly pretending and either using that person for part of the glory, or are secretly plotting something on that person to tear him down...or both. The worst part is that you always find out even if you don't want to. At least being alone, you have a chance at peace.
FeistyCar, you seem to get interest from women. So you can actually put yourself out there more and find ways to come across warmer. And actually make the effort to ask women out. As you said, you work out and dress decently, so that is pretty much all you need. You'll still get rejections, but you'll also have women that will go out with you. I myself get interest from women, but I don't like where I am. And my condition and position will bring a lot of harm to any potential relationships so I am working on that first.
I totally understand where you are coming from. Why do you think you have a lack of success do you think? For me I do get matches and have potential to date however its usually girls who are not very attractive. Girls have told me I am good looking, I have a decent job now (registered nurse) so I can support myself, I work out regularly, I dress decently, I have had girlfriends (maybe out of luck) in the past but it seems the girls that show me interest are usually really overweight, not college educated, not attractive looking and work a dead end job/have kids. I don't think I am that picky, but man the pickings are not really good.
I think part my problem is I don't go on dates a lot nor do I ask girls out on dates. I am introverted person. People told me that I can come across as cold and not friendly which I believe is true. I think I just need to put myself out there more and just date for fun. I always think that if you got a good job and are a comfortable place in life then it would be much easier to date especially as a man. They say men age like wine.
Think of it this way. In the same way that you find overweight girls unattractive, the girls you are interested in may find your personality unattractive.
I totally understand where you are coming from. Why do you think you have a lack of success do you think? For me I do get matches and have potential to date however its usually girls who are not very attractive. Girls have told me I am good looking, I have a decent job now (registered nurse) so I can support myself, I work out regularly, I dress decently, I have had girlfriends (maybe out of luck) in the past but it seems the girls that show me interest are usually really overweight, not college educated, not attractive looking and work a dead end job/have kids. I don't think I am that picky, but man the pickings are not really good.
I think part my problem is I don't go on dates a lot nor do I ask girls out on dates. I am introverted person. People told me that I can come across as cold and not friendly which I believe is true. I think I just need to put myself out there more and just date for fun. I always think that if you got a good job and are a comfortable place in life then it would be much easier to date especially as a man. They say men age like wine.
We as men are raised to believe this....get good job and get established, stay in shape, and women will flock to you. Totally wrong. Its a complete myth. The rules change daily it seems. I have my stuff together and it just doesn't happen. I'm also an introvert (and shy) like you, so I don't approach a woman cold.
I have similar issues in that its almost always uneducated and/or overweight women who are interested in me. Nope, I'd rather be alone than be mismatched, as lonely as it is.
We as men are raised to believe this....get good job and get established, stay in shape, and women will flock to you. Totally wrong. Its a complete myth. The rules change daily it seems. I have my stuff together and it just doesn't happen. I'm also an introvert (and shy) like you, so I don't approach a woman cold.
I have similar issues in that its almost always uneducated and/or overweight women who are interested in me. Nope, I'd rather be alone than be mismatched, as lonely as it is.
Being alone is not bad. Just need to learn to enjoy your company.
And it is definitely a myth when it is used as a guarantee. Too many factors to think about. I know of and hear about and from a lot of guys who do "all the right things" only to walk away empty handed. Meanwhile, you got people who dress like...or better yet, you dress like you stepped out of some freakish alien world and women seem to dig that.
Oh you didn't like me in my suit and tie? Tuxedo, but you like me now, huh?
I realized this morning when I woke up that I haven't spoken to another person since my brief chiropractic visit on Monday and here it is Thursday. Not even a phone call, just a text from my sister. It's really my own fault that I feel lonely. I haven't made any efforts to cultivate new friendships when I stopped working or when I was widowed. Most of the time I enjoy being alone but sometimes I feel so insignificant.
This interests me, chiluvr, because I see this as what my experience will be in the near future since my husband just got diagnosed with terminal cancer. I don't even have a sister to text me! (Actually I don't even text.) Technically I will probably speak to people briefly almost every day going to the gym, but I still can forsee a time when a doctor's appointment will be my social outlet for the week. I even wonder if I'll have to go to a massage therapist just to have some human touch every now and then (I've always been to cheap to pay for massages).
As an introvert, I love my alone time. What I long for and will probably even long for even more is deep friendship/connection with one or a few quality people, but so difficult to make that happen. Just being with other people can make me feel lonelier when they are more interested in their phones (there's actually a new word for it---phubbing---snubbing someone in favor of a cell phone) or show no interest in me, like asking any questions or even responding. Talk about feeling insignificant!
So for the main part, I will concentrate on the activities that are most nourishing for me: reading, exercise and mindful movement, studying/practicing stoicism and Buddhism. I'll be the best, most compassionate friend to myself. My mind and heart will always be open if the right person comes along who is interested in and capable of friendship rather than just being an activity partner, but I'm not counting on it. I put in many years of effort after retirement to meet and befriend, even running multiple Meetup groups, but hard to find compatible folks who really want to connect. I think I'm a rare bird (and will undoubtedly really let me freak flag fly when I no longer have my husband to keep me straight---I could easily become a crazy cat lady) but I do think there are a few people who could add quality (instead of just zap time and energy) to my life and for me to reciprocate, but how to meet? There could very well be someone right here in this forum who meets that criteria, but unlikely that they would be local.
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