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I'm guessing you don't do that with just anyone and everyone though, right? You have a relationship with someone who gets it. They, too, enjoy snark so you try and outsnark one another.
That's fine. When people are sarcastic with anyone because it's 'who they are' and feel the need to put it in their dating profile - it's a problem and takes it to a whole other level.
That's true. Kind of making it their whole identity.
(I hope everyone realizes the last sentence in my previous post was a pretend sarcastic comment. Maybe I should have put a smiley. lol)
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00
I think teasing or "good natured ribbing" is fun and can be a sign of a close and strong friendship. My friends in school used to do that all the time to each other.
I was teased for being an airhead and we teased our friend for being so flat chested her cup size was negative.
But you have to know if/when you cross a line. It can happen by mistake and someone really gets their feelings hurt.
I actually think that the reason that a finely honed sense of humor is very attractive, is that it's a display of social savvy. To be successfully funny, you've got to be able to read your audience and have a good handle on what will be well accepted, what's appropriate, what takes things right up to the line without crossing over it. It's a way to display social and emotional intelligence, when it is done right.
In contrast, if you're the kind of person who makes what you think are funny comments, and no one laughs, or people look uncomfortable or offended, and then you try to explain the joke or worse, demand that they recognize that it was only a joke or something...or worst of all, insist that they are too sensitive, and they're the ones with the problem, not you... You're displaying a clear LACK of social savvy and emotional intelligence.
Anybody ever have a mean type of sarcastic partner? Ever feel humiliated by them in front of friends? Ever feel embarrassment when they said completely tone-deaf or cruel things to someone in public, and you either felt you had to apologize for them, or you wanted to? Yeah...I've been there. I do know what nasty sarcasm is, now that I think of it, because yup...ye olde Ex-erooni. For sure.
For whatever it is worth though... I would read, "fluent in sarcasm" on its own, on a dating profile, to mean, "I think I have a clever sense of humor." I would not assume that they're saying that they're a mean person. The ones on the other hand, who say that they need you to "not be easily offended" or that they are unapologetically who they are and don't care what anybody thinks and such... Well, when somebody tells you who they are, I guess listen to them. I don't recommend dating anyone who is essentially advertising that they might be a jerk to you now or later, and they'll expect you to laugh at your own abuse or just take it.
OP, wouldn't it depend on how the sarcasm is used? None of these indications that you're getting from people's OLD pages are saying, "must be ok with sarcasm used against you". They seem to be saying only that the posters enjoy sarcastic humor in general.
There's political sarcasm, there's all kinds of sarcasm. Only when it's directed at one's immediate company, whether friend, partner, relative, whoever, is it passive-aggressive, and so--potentially offensive to someone. Are these people saying, that their prospective dating partners need to be ok with offensive humor aimed at them? That doesn't really make sense, does it?
I find it annoying. I have a supervisor that is constantly sarcastic, can't have a normal conversation with him.
My husband, as he gets older, gets more and more sarcastic. It is annoying.
Once in awhile it is fine. Every conversation--annoying.
(I think having a sense of humor is very different than sarcasm.)
I actually think that the reason that a finely honed sense of humor is very attractive, is that it's a display of social savvy. To be successfully funny, you've got to be able to read your audience and have a good handle on what will be well accepted, what's appropriate, what takes things right up to the line without crossing over it. It's a way to display social and emotional intelligence, when it is done right.
In contrast, if you're the kind of person who makes what you think are funny comments, and no one laughs, or people look uncomfortable or offended, and then you try to explain the joke or worse, demand that they recognize that it was only a joke or something...or worst of all, insist that they are too sensitive, and they're the ones with the problem, not you... You're displaying a clear LACK of social savvy and emotional intelligence.
Anybody ever have a mean type of sarcastic partner? Ever feel humiliated by them in front of friends? Ever feel embarrassment when they said completely tone-deaf or cruel things to someone in public, and you either felt you had to apologize for them, or you wanted to? Yeah...I've been there. I do know what nasty sarcasm is, now that I think of it, because yup...ye olde Ex-erooni. For sure.
For whatever it is worth though... I would read, "fluent in sarcasm" on its own, on a dating profile, to mean, "I think I have a clever sense of humor." I would not assume that they're saying that they're a mean person. The ones on the other hand, who say that they need you to "not be easily offended" or that they are unapologetically who they are and don't care what anybody thinks and such... Well, when somebody tells you who they are, I guess listen to them. I don't recommend dating anyone who is essentially advertising that they might be a jerk to you now or later, and they'll expect you to laugh at your own abuse or just take it.
I havent written nor read any OLD profiles in a very long time, but to me it doesnt seem socially savvy to write "I'm sarcastic" on an OLD profile. To say "I love to laugh," would make more sense, sounds more natural.
The even better thing might be to write a funny/sarcastic/humorous profile so the reader can determine for themselves if they like this persons humor style or not.
I think teasing or "good natured ribbing" is fun and can be a sign of a close and strong friendship. My friends in school used to do that all the time to each other.
I was teased for being an airhead and we teased our friend for being so flat chested her cup size was negative.
But you have to know if/when you cross a line. It can happen by mistake and someone really gets their feelings hurt.
It can be a fine line.
Going back to "my snark friend"...there have been times where buttons got pushed, and when we realized it had happened, we apologized. It was a risk that was out there.
One time, he told our H.R. lady that he thought I should do a desk drop of a whole pile of phone books that got delivered. He did it for my benefit...knowing that I heard him.
So the next day, I piled all the phone books around his desk and in his chair. So much for desk drop. There were probably 50 phone books. lol
He was MAD. Like REALLY mad. Didn't talk to me for like 9 months. I can't really remember who said what first, but we eventually resumed our friendship. Turned out he had forgotten the conversation with HR, so he thought I'd just plain gone too far.
So anyway...yeah...it's a fine line, and feelings CAN be hurt. But with real friends, you should be able to say "Ouch, that stung a little" and make apologies if needed, and move on.
It's worth the risk to me. Having a sarcasm friend is a lot of fun.
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