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Old 04-08-2020, 12:55 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovemyfl View Post
In my opinion, from what I have seen and experienced Aspergers is psychological, not a physical or genetic cause.

I think the jury is still out on that. Asperger's effects the pre-frontal lobe of the brain. There is SOME physical component involved.
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Old 04-08-2020, 01:24 PM
 
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sundestroyer View Post
I've wondered how some people can be so socially awkward yet so cognizant of it. I know many people who have Aspergers and know they're weird but are not knowledgeable enough to not know the right thing to say/do. Many though who are high functioning talk about growing up in dysfunctional households or being bullied in school that led to a low self esteem.

This kind of makes sense because if a person is aware they're awkward but can't function normally then there must have been something external rather than internal to embed the awkwardness.

The only case I've seen where socially fluent people produce crazy kids is where the kid is completely mentally insane to the point of derangement and not aware of what they're doing wrong like Elliot Rodger. His father was a successful, attractive Hollywood film maker and probably not on the spectrum yet he was the antithesis of his father.
I'm on the spectrum as are most of my family members. My son was worse than I was and so is my great nephew. My son struggled socially but found himself, once out of school. He became socially popular. He was a master socialite.

Unfortunately he was damaged by his upbringing circumstances plus his vulnerability and also the situation he got himself into (due to his lack of social skills and mood swings) and succumbed to anxiety and depression. He suffered great pain.

My great nephew was heading down the same path but intervention by his step-dad, his mother and myself turned him around. He was a socially awkward kid. Quirky and different. He is now a tree activist - no surprize. Talk about a young genius! Dr Asperger would have been proud of him. My son had a high IQ too.

As for myself, I suffered low self esteem, lack of confidence, anxiety and depression. For some reason I developed a chronic headache which did not help my social life. This went on for more than ten years. Later in life I found myself being known as a charmer. It's a skill I learned. And the ladies love my quirkiness! As an adult I was never considered socially awkward but I sure felt it. I would seldom fit in to a group conversation, even now. I eventually learned not to try. I do well in one on one though.

By the way, Asperger's is essentially high functioning autism and is associated with above average IQ. Dr Asperger called his young 'patients' his little professors. Young kids who talk like professors! My great nephew very much. Myself to a lesser degree. He and I have a very special relationship, probably due to our similarities and I see my son in him.
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Old 04-08-2020, 01:36 PM
 
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
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Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63 View Post
There's definitely a genetic/dispositional level of how social someone is. But, if your parents aren't social - if you never see them around other people or having friends over to your home that has a huge impact. You don't see them modeling social behavior and you don't get the idea that socializing is important - so you could very well be less experienced and less comfortable socializing.

That said, many kids are in daycare now so that could help if it starts young enough getting exposed to other kids.
Not only that but kids go to school.

I think a lot of social awkwardness stems from how we feel. Sure, have a tendency to say the wrong things or the right things in the wrong way. We may also be poor at social nuances and misinterpret what is being said - like taking something said jokingly as being serious. Or making a joke that sounds serious to the recipient. Using appropriate facial expressions or harboring too long on a point of interest to ourselves - ie, not detecting that the listener wants to move on. Even being unable to switch topics.
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Old 04-08-2020, 02:21 PM
 
Location: Central IL
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Originally Posted by 303Guy View Post
Not only that but kids go to school.

I think a lot of social awkwardness stems from how we feel. Sure, have a tendency to say the wrong things or the right things in the wrong way. We may also be poor at social nuances and misinterpret what is being said - like taking something said jokingly as being serious. Or making a joke that sounds serious to the recipient. Using appropriate facial expressions or harboring too long on a point of interest to ourselves - ie, not detecting that the listener wants to move on. Even being unable to switch topics.
By the time I got to school I was already way behind socially...those "cliques" get set up overnight and if you hold back at all rather than jump in it can be really hard to make a place for yourself. Especially if you're starting from a disadvantage. Very social kids, even when they move to another school have better chances.
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Old 04-08-2020, 02:27 PM
 
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One of our vendors at work has a rep that comes out once in awhile. I've known him for years now. He's on the scale, and his son is as well.


I enjoy his company very much. He's fun and funny, and I like talking to him. Before he told me that he was on the scale, I had noticed that when I thought a conversation had come to a natural conclusion, he would say something else, and then we'd be talking for another 5 or 10 minutes. Until he had told me, I didn't think too much about it. Just kind of thought "Oh...we're not finished here." And like I said, I enjoyed talking with him so no big thing.


Then one day, I was saying something about my son, and he says "I'm on the autism scale too. It can be hard sometimes." And he told me how sometimes he doesn't know when it's time to move on. And I thought "Oh THAT'S it! OK, that explains that!


He also said how sometimes, he'll be going on about his life...driving or whatever, feeling on top of the world, and someone will yell at him, or flip him off in traffic, and he'll think "Oh. I messed up again." But he doesn't know what it was that was offensive. That's sad.
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Old 04-08-2020, 02:27 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
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If one’s parents are abusive, if they don’t model good social skills themselves, if they put the kid down habitually, if they show no insight or interest, then IMO, a kid might have poor social skills until he or she learns how to navigate various relationships.

There is nothing wrong with the kid, in this case. He or she has not had a chance to learn these skills.
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Old 04-08-2020, 02:31 PM
 
13,262 posts, read 7,971,371 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63 View Post
By the time I got to school I was already way behind socially...those "cliques" get set up overnight and if you hold back at all rather than jump in it can be really hard to make a place for yourself. Especially if you're starting from a disadvantage. Very social kids, even when they move to another school have better chances.
They DO have a better chance, but I've found (or so it seems to me) that sometimes, these kids have grown up in the same neighborhoods, and gone through all the same grades together, and they don't see or feel the need to be inclusive. I'm not sure they're TRYING to be cool or cliquey...they've just always been their own social scene, and they go WAYYY back...and just don't see the need for others. Unless the other is someone super cool, and stands out in a positive way.


It's why it's hard to be the "new person" in school, at work, etc.
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Old 04-08-2020, 02:32 PM
 
Location: Flippin AR
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Some people are socially awkward because their parents were social butterflies, and they grew up afraid that they couldn't meet that high standard - or they simply wanted their own identities that were distinctly different from their parents.
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Old 04-08-2020, 07:24 PM
 
Location: Middle America
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Not always, but behavior largely environmentally acquired and there is a genetic component as well.
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Old 04-08-2020, 11:29 PM
 
Location: Ohio
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sundestroyer View Post
This kind of makes sense because if a person is aware they're awkward but can't function normally then there must have been something external rather than internal to embed the awkwardness.
No way. Do people with speech impediments not know that they talk funny? Do people with anxiety not know that there's no reason for a high heart rate? Can't dyslexics just look at numbers and letters the right way? Awareness doesn't cure everything.

The real-time emotional, verbal, and contextual processing etc. required to be social is an extremely complex feat performed by the human brain. To those of us whom it comes as second nature to, we take it for granted.
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