Do socially awkward people almost always come from socially awkward parents? (sociopath, mentally)

[sundestroyer]

I've wondered how some people can be so socially awkward yet so cognizant of it. I know many people who have Aspergers and know they're weird but are not knowledgable enough to not know the right thing to say/do. Many though who are high functioning talk about growing up in dysfunctional households or being bullied in school that led to a low self esteem.

This kind of makes sense because if a person is aware they're awkward but can't function normally then there must have been something external rather than internal to embed the awkwardness.

The only case I've seen where socially fluent people produce crazy kids is where the kid is completely mentally insane to the point of derangement and not aware of what they're doing wrong like Elliot Rodger. His father was a successful, attractive Hollywood film maker and probably not on the spectrum yet he was the antithesis of his father.

[Parnassia]

Originally Posted by sundestroyer

I've wondered how some people can be so socially awkward yet so cognizant of it. I know many people who have Aspergers and know they're weird but are not knowledgable enough to not know the right thing to say/do. Many though who are high functioning talk about growing up in dysfunctional households or being bullied in school that led to a low self esteem.

This kind of makes sense because if a person is aware they're awkward but can't function normally then there must have been something external rather than internal to embed the awkwardness.

The only case I've seen where socially fluent people produce crazy kids is where the kid is completely mentally insane to the point of derangement and not aware of what they're doing wrong like Elliot Rodger. His father was a successful, attractive Hollywood film maker and probably not on the spectrum yet he was the antithesis of his father.

This post is all over the place. Doesn't make much sense. What does "crazy" and "mentally insane to the point of derangement" have to do with being socially awkward? What are you trying to suggest? That parents should automatically be blamed for a child's social awkwardness? Well, maybe they can and maybe they can't be.

My nephew has a spectrum disorder. His parents are both in fine arts/entertainment industry fields. Obviously they are both socially adept. Neither of them have spectrum disorders themselves. They realized early on that their son was struggling so they got help. They educated themselves about his disorder and learned how to help him master compensation techniques but they also enrolled him in programs outside the home. They didn't ignore it or blame anyone for anything which it sounds like you are trying to do. He is now a shy but socially confident, independent young adult who is a total pleasure to be around. Not all parents are good. Not all parents are bad. I'd suggest that until you've lived it you wouldn't know how to help a child cope without help.

[Blondebaerde]

Originally Posted by sundestroyer

I've wondered how some people can be so socially awkward yet so cognizant of it. I know many people who have Aspergers and know they're weird but are not knowledgeable enough to not know the right thing to say/do. Many though who are high functioning talk about growing up in dysfunctional households or being bullied in school that led to a low self esteem.

This kind of makes sense because if a person is aware they're awkward but can't function normally then there must have been something external rather than internal to embed the awkwardness.

The only case I've seen where socially fluent people produce crazy kids is where the kid is completely mentally insane to the point of derangement and not aware of what they're doing wrong like Elliot Rodger. His father was a successful, attractive Hollywood film maker and probably not on the spectrum yet he was the antithesis of his father.

Hmm, this is a bit hard to fathom.

I'm up there on the former Asperger's scale, per various tests. No formal diagnosis, but it fits the affliction. With effort, I can behave normally, and I've trained carefully to do that. I do believe your first question is, "If you know you're an Aspies type, learn to function normally." If correct, I assure you it is supremely difficult. Everyone around you speaks English, but with a heavy accent you can understand marginally. Nuance and subtlety are alien. Only experience and memorization of so-called "normie" behavior solve it for me, aping that which I saw others doing vs. fighting it. Fighting it can take years.

My parents were booming extroverts, and made little to know sense to me. They just kept using bigger hammers to make me confirm. That flew like a lead zeppelin, no one tells me what to do, so I went away (150 miles) to school at 17, then spent three summers at home (couple months), then fled for good at 21. Never looked back. Went back about three times, then one passed and the other twenty years later. I "forgave" them but never wanted anything to do with "a family." It's loathsome to me.

To answer your question: society hammers Aspie types. Parent, other kids, young adults, and later peers and supervisors. Some resist, most withdraw. I did both. Then I faced it head-on may years ago, and became truly successful if far, far, from "fully adjusted." That can never happen, nor would I want it to.

But that doesn't exactly fit your model as I understand it? My parents were normie as can-be. I assume, though cannot confirm, my brain is a little physically different from others. My parents got what they got, with me (only child) and I was a decent kid if obtuse in things like 'emotions' and 'empathy.' Not sociopathy, though.

[silibran]

Honestly, I think that how parents treat their kid is how some social awkwardness happens. If a child is securely sheltered away from other youngsters, he or she could become socially awkward, for instance. And there are other ways parents could help foster this characteristic.

I don’t have direct knowledge of high functioning autism. In those cases, the awkwardness could be inherent in the condition.

Otherwise, I would imagine that parental conduct would have effects on a child’s social awareness.

[mkpunk]

I'm socially awkward as a defense. I had delayed speech and still have some issues with certain words and sounds to this day. It is a defense. My parents don't have that problem, my brother is slightly but not as bad as me.

[silibran]

Originally Posted by mkpunk

I'm socially awkward as a defense. I had delayed speech and still have some issues with certain words and sounds to this day. It is a defense. My parents don't have that problem, my brother is slightly but not as bad as me.

Maybe you have a different definition of being “socially awkward” than I have. I don’t understand how having delayed speech and “issues with certain words and sounds” are part of social awkwardness. You might want to elaborate on this.

[Amelie90]

Originally Posted by sundestroyer

I've wondered how some people can be so socially awkward yet so cognizant of it. I know many people who have Aspergers and know they're weird but are not knowledgable enough to not know the right thing to say/do. Many though who are high functioning talk about growing up in dysfunctional households or being bullied in school that led to a low self esteem.

This kind of makes sense because if a person is aware they're awkward but can't function normally then there must have been something external rather than internal to embed the awkwardness.

The only case I've seen where socially fluent people produce crazy kids is where the kid is completely mentally insane to the point of derangement and not aware of what they're doing wrong like Elliot Rodger. His father was a successful, attractive Hollywood film maker and probably not on the spectrum yet he was the antithesis of his father.

I'm socially awkward. My mom definitely isn't. My dad is pretty quiet and not very sociable, but he might be a little bit better at socializing than I am.

[Sassybluesy]

One of my sons is on the autism scale. Aspergers. He seemed to struggle all through school, even in preschool and kindergarden... until high school. Some switch flipped...and life just wasn't as hard as it used to be. He made friends, and he even ended up on a Queen's court, for a Mardi Gras dance at his school. And he got on the honor roll twice.


Interestingly, I had mentioned to his psychiatrist that I was dreading high school for him (before high school started) and he told me that often times, life gets better for these kids in high school, because high school students are that much more mature, and more accepting of 'different'. Plus, they themselves are going through changes, physically, hormonally, etc. It certainly seemed to come true in his situation.


I've never thought of myself on the scale anywhere. But I suffered with self-esteem issues, felt 'weird' in junior high, etc....just like a LOT of kids do.


I never thought of my ex husband as being on the scale anywhere either, but he would often say that he was a non-conformist, and tended to go against the grain. I actually admired that about him, even though sometimes that streak in him was a pain in my butt.


So sometimes, I wonder if our son is like the essential, boiled down, concentrated version of both of us.

[lovemyfl]

Originally Posted by sundestroyer

I've wondered how some people can be so socially awkward yet so cognizant of it. I know many people who have Aspergers and know they're weird but are not knowledgable enough to not know the right thing to say/do. Many though who are high functioning talk about growing up in dysfunctional households or being bullied in school that led to a low self esteem.

This kind of makes sense because if a person is aware they're awkward but can't function normally then there must have been something external rather than internal to embed the awkwardness.

The only case I've seen where socially fluent people produce crazy kids is where the kid is completely mentally insane to the point of derangement and not aware of what they're doing wrong like Elliot Rodger. His father was a successful, attractive Hollywood film maker and probably not on the spectrum yet he was the antithesis of his father.

In my opinion, from what I have seen and experienced Aspergers is psychological, not a physical or genetic cause.

[reneeh63]

There's definitely a genetic/dispositional level of how social someone is. But, if your parents aren't social - if you never see them around other people or having friends over to your home that has a huge impact. You don't see them modeling social behavior and you don't get the idea that socializing is important - so you could very well be less experienced and less comfortable socializing.

That said, many kids are in daycare now so that could help if it starts young enough getting exposed to other kids.