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About ten years ago, my University opened a new library with designated "Quiet Study Floors". I arrived to one such floor and there was this couple there right by the sign making LOTS of noise, shrieking with laughter, chatting VERY loudly, etc.
I was as naïve and unfamiliar with the real world as you'd expect Ned Flander's kids to be at 18-19, so I assumed that they just needed a friendly reminder of the rules and all would be well. So, I walked over to them so that I could mumble quietly and not break the rules myself, and politely explained to them that they were in a designated quiet study area, it was supposed to be quiet here, etc.
The woman's response was to cut me off and shout full in my face at the top of her lungs while I was standing a couple of feet away from her. I don't remember exactly but it was something like:
"YOU JUST GOT HERE!!! WITH YOUR HEADPHONES IN!!! WE HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN HERE FOR TWO MINUTES"
At this point I literally jumped back in shock, her response was to shout in my new direction even louder:
"SO THERE'S NO NEED TO GET ALL FUSSY!!!"
I was so shocked and scared by this response that I didn't know what to do and sat back down in my carrel.
After the man (who hadn't said a word since) packed up and left, the woman bothered me some more, trying to dress me down about what the rules actually were:
"F - Y - I, if you really needed it quiet, there's a room over there" (gestures to another room in the library in the same quiet floor), "it's not supposed to be *that* quiet over here, because this is where people get off the elevators", stuff like that, just drivel which is obviously wrong because the entire floor is designated for quiet study.
I was so taken aback by how aggressively and loudly the woman responded that I didn't know what to say back and she just walked away.
This was ten years ago and now with the boredom of the coronavirus lockdown this thought has come back into my mind and I'm finding it hard *not* to dwell on it.
About ten years ago, my University opened a new library with designated "Quiet Study Floors". I arrived to one such floor and there was this couple there right by the sign making LOTS of noise, shrieking with laughter, chatting VERY loudly, etc.
I was as naïve and unfamiliar with the real world as you'd expect Ned Flander's kids to be at 18-19, so I assumed that they just needed a friendly reminder of the rules and all would be well. So, I walked over to them so that I could mumble quietly and not break the rules myself, and politely explained to them that they were in a designated quiet study area, it was supposed to be quiet here, etc.
The woman's response was to cut me off and shout full in my face at the top of her lungs while I was standing a couple of feet away from her. I don't remember exactly but it was something like:
"YOU JUST GOT HERE!!! WITH YOUR HEADPHONES IN!!! WE HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN HERE FOR TWO MINUTES"
At this point I literally jumped back in shock, her response was to shout in my new direction even louder:
"SO THERE'S NO NEED TO GET ALL FUSSY!!!"
I was so shocked and scared by this response that I didn't know what to do and sat back down in my carrel.
After the man (who hadn't said a word since) packed up and left, the woman bothered me some more, trying to dress me down about what the rules actually were:
"F - Y - I, if you really needed it quiet, there's a room over there" (gestures to another room in the library in the same quiet floor), "it's not supposed to be *that* quiet over here, because this is where people get off the elevators", stuff like that, just drivel which is obviously wrong because the entire floor is designated for quiet study.
I was so taken aback by how aggressively and loudly the woman responded that I didn't know what to say back and she just walked away.
This was ten years ago and now with the boredom of the coronavirus lockdown this thought has come back into my mind and I'm finding it hard *not* to dwell on it.
What can I do to let this go?
Do you remember why you went to the library that day?
What is making you dwell on this incident now? Someone was obnoxious to you 10 years ago. They were wrong, and thinking about it won't change what happened.
If you haven't yet let go of a minor incident which occurred 10 years ago, I doubt you ever will. However, you can and should give it a try. I'd recommend you try to put it in perspective: it was one jerk who was out of line, and in the long run the incident is inconsequential. Surely, more significant things - good and bad - have happened in your life during the past 10 years. Find something positive to think about, rather than dwelling on this incident which occurred long ago.
.
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I noticed in myself I sometimes tie new incidents to older ones that were traumatic for me thereby intensifying the effect or adding something that isn't there. What feelings did that trigger in you? Was there an earlier time you felt that way?
Conversely, maybe the same thing happened in her mind. Maybe she had people telling her what to do all the time and she overreacted to your suggestion. Maybe she's just an ahole.
Edit: it's also entirely possible she came to regret acting that way. I don't do things like that but I do have a few moments in my life that are downright cringeworthy.
About ten years ago, my University opened a new library with designated "Quiet Study Floors". I arrived to one such floor and there was this couple there right by the sign making LOTS of noise, shrieking with laughter, chatting VERY loudly, etc.
I was as naïve and unfamiliar with the real world as you'd expect Ned Flander's kids to be at 18-19, so I assumed that they just needed a friendly reminder of the rules and all would be well. So, I walked over to them so that I could mumble quietly and not break the rules myself, and politely explained to them that they were in a designated quiet study area, it was supposed to be quiet here, etc.
The woman's response was to cut me off and shout full in my face at the top of her lungs while I was standing a couple of feet away from her. I don't remember exactly but it was something like:
"YOU JUST GOT HERE!!! WITH YOUR HEADPHONES IN!!! WE HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN HERE FOR TWO MINUTES"
At this point I literally jumped back in shock, her response was to shout in my new direction even louder:
"SO THERE'S NO NEED TO GET ALL FUSSY!!!"
I was so shocked and scared by this response that I didn't know what to do and sat back down in my carrel.
After the man (who hadn't said a word since) packed up and left, the woman bothered me some more, trying to dress me down about what the rules actually were:
"F - Y - I, if you really needed it quiet, there's a room over there" (gestures to another room in the library in the same quiet floor), "it's not supposed to be *that* quiet over here, because this is where people get off the elevators", stuff like that, just drivel which is obviously wrong because the entire floor is designated for quiet study.
I was so taken aback by how aggressively and loudly the woman responded that I didn't know what to say back and she just walked away.
This was ten years ago and now with the boredom of the coronavirus lockdown this thought has come back into my mind and I'm finding it hard *not* to dwell on it.
About ten years ago, my University opened a new library with designated "Quiet Study Floors". I arrived to one such floor and there was this couple there right by the sign making LOTS of noise, shrieking with laughter, chatting VERY loudly, etc.
I was as naïve and unfamiliar with the real world as you'd expect Ned Flander's kids to be at 18-19, so I assumed that they just needed a friendly reminder of the rules and all would be well. So, I walked over to them so that I could mumble quietly and not break the rules myself, and politely explained to them that they were in a designated quiet study area, it was supposed to be quiet here, etc.
The woman's response was to cut me off and shout full in my face at the top of her lungs while I was standing a couple of feet away from her. I don't remember exactly but it was something like:
"YOU JUST GOT HERE!!! WITH YOUR HEADPHONES IN!!! WE HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN HERE FOR TWO MINUTES"
At this point I literally jumped back in shock, her response was to shout in my new direction even louder:
"SO THERE'S NO NEED TO GET ALL FUSSY!!!"
I was so shocked and scared by this response that I didn't know what to do and sat back down in my carrel.
After the man (who hadn't said a word since) packed up and left, the woman bothered me some more, trying to dress me down about what the rules actually were:
"F - Y - I, if you really needed it quiet, there's a room over there" (gestures to another room in the library in the same quiet floor), "it's not supposed to be *that* quiet over here, because this is where people get off the elevators", stuff like that, just drivel which is obviously wrong because the entire floor is designated for quiet study.
I was so taken aback by how aggressively and loudly the woman responded that I didn't know what to say back and she just walked away.
This was ten years ago and now with the boredom of the coronavirus lockdown this thought has come back into my mind and I'm finding it hard *not* to dwell on it.
What can I do to let this go?
You don't have to do anything to let it go, you just have to stop suppressing it. It's like asking how do I get rid of steam in a hot pot? You just take off the lid and the steam arises by itself and just disappears eventually.
So just feel. What are the emotions you're feeling when the memory arises? Do you feel shame? Do you feel anger, or want revenge? Embarrassed that you didn't express yourself with more confidence or assertion? Whatever you're feeling, just allow it all to come up, no matter how uncomfortable, until you feel a sense of relief, even if it's tiny. Every time you do this you release a little bit more of it, and eventually the incident will have zero emotional charge if you happen to think about it.
I think every one of us, or at least nearly everyone, has experienced something like this where we wish we were more assertive. You just have to tell yourself there's nothing you can do about it now, but to just use this as a learning incident and be more assertive next time. These things happen, it's part of life.
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