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Old 05-10-2020, 06:59 PM
 
2,872 posts, read 1,578,055 times
Reputation: 7031

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Quote:
Originally Posted by thinkertinker View Post
Hey all I need some more advice. It's taken a very strange turn. So she started sending me messages on social media (we are still connected but I have ignored). What's weird about it is that she is now starting to hang out around my neighborhood on a regular basis. She lives approximately 20-25 minutes (driving) from me. About a 3-minute drive from me is this riverwalk that I frequent daily. When we had our chat several weeks ago I had mentioned to her that I have been going to the riverwalk almost every day for walks and runs. So in her most recent message she told me she is now going to the riverwalk that's by me on a regular basis too.

It's odd because there are two other river walks much much closer to her and other recreational areas too, even a forest preserve. The riverwalk by me is out of her way and with so many parks in our city (literally like 100s live in one of the largest cities) why pick the riverwalk by me? I could understand coming to the riverwalk by me once to check it out, but looks like she is frequenting it all the time. So I thought maybe she is done visiting it. Nope. Today I saw she posted all over social media pictures of herself a few hours ago on the riverwalk at lunch time (which is when I go to the riverwalk...) taking selfies and showing that she's at the riverwalk. I now go at 1PM instead of 12PM to avoid lunch crowds, so missed her by an hour.

Ugh. Now I don't even want to go there anymore as I am afraid to bump into her. Is it me or this strange? I think in the meantime I will avoid going to the riverwalk, but it also will work out. I have been running on it during lunch because that's when it's warm enough. But now that it's warming up more and more I am going to start running on it at 6am which I know for sure she won't be there at that time.

Is this typical behavior of a narcissist?
Sheesh, sounds like this is going into stalking.

She knows how you feel about the friendship, not interested in her photos, nor her personality and yet she keeps sending pics and trying to stay in touch.

And now she's physically in your neighborhood?

Red flag
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Old 05-11-2020, 10:54 AM
 
Location: Hallandale Beach, FL
1,260 posts, read 931,489 times
Reputation: 2029
Quote:
Originally Posted by RubyandPearl View Post
Sheesh, sounds like this is going into stalking.

She knows how you feel about the friendship, not interested in her photos, nor her personality and yet she keeps sending pics and trying to stay in touch.

And now she's physically in your neighborhood?

Red flag
Is this normal of narcissists?
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Old 05-11-2020, 04:22 PM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
28,840 posts, read 30,079,335 times
Reputation: 19026
Quote:
Originally Posted by thinkertinker View Post
Is this normal of narcissists?
I could be wrong, but believe it is....they won't end the relationship, b/c there is always a chance she will need something from her....you don't hear from them for a long time, and then, poof, all of a sudden they are back in your life, bleeding you dry if you allow them to....it's kind of like they haunt you...? For lack of a better explanation?
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Old 05-11-2020, 04:33 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,066 posts, read 106,917,029 times
Reputation: 115819
Quote:
Originally Posted by thinkertinker View Post
Is this normal of narcissists?
I didn't see that update about the riverwalk, until now. Is that normal for narcissists? Well, maybe. Narcissists tend to be about control. So this may be her attempt to control the friendship, or control you. They can get a "you can't tell me what I can or can't do" type of attitude.

It's too bad your convenient location for a riverwalk is temporarily usurped. And I somewhat agree with the poster, who said this is starting to take on stalking characteristics. As much as you may be reluctant to give up your favorite route, I'd recommend you start going to one of the other riverwalks in town for awhile. Or if you know the time of day she's out there, switch your schedule, if possible. She can't stake it out all day, lol. If she does, that would be worrisome. Does she have your home address?

Don't hit the panic button yet, just quietly take evasive action.
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Old 05-11-2020, 06:51 PM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
28,840 posts, read 30,079,335 times
Reputation: 19026
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
I didn't see that update about the riverwalk, until now. Is that normal for narcissists? Well, maybe. Narcissists tend to be about control. So this may be her attempt to control the friendship, or control you. They can get a "you can't tell me what I can or can't do" type of attitude.

It's too bad your convenient location for a riverwalk is temporarily usurped. And I somewhat agree with the poster, who said this is starting to take on stalking characteristics. As much as you may be reluctant to give up your favorite route, I'd recommend you start going to one of the other riverwalks in town for awhile. Or if you know the time of day she's out there, switch your schedule, if possible. She can't stake it out all day, lol. If she does, that would be worrisome. Does she have your home address?

Don't hit the panic button yet, just quietly take evasive action.
Totally agree. Good Luck.
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Old 05-11-2020, 07:14 PM
 
Location: Sydney Australia
2,147 posts, read 1,417,883 times
Reputation: 4446
Really interesting thread. I have a cousin that is a narcissist and I am sad that she is becoming worse as she gets older. She lives overseas and used to come home several times a year, as long as her parents were alive. We have stayed with her briefly several times overseas as our husbands used to have a lot in common. We would have to accept that she would organise and facilitate everything we did when there, as well as pick up all the bills in restaurants, tip her maids and so on.

I never expected much of her but our kids used to get on so I would have some sort of relationship with her. But I now feel the need to fairly much block her from my life. She has tried to take over organising Christmas these past few years as that is one time she is always back. This year her travel plans are disrupted as our borders are shut. She would be able to come in but would have to quarantine for two weeks in a hotel chosen by the government and take a long route to get here. I am guilty of wishing the borders will stay shut until after Christmas to make it simple! I do not like face to face conflict but otherwise I think it will be a matter of lying about our plans. She has lied to me many times so I am prepared to go that far.
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Old 05-12-2020, 01:59 AM
 
Location: Australia
8,392 posts, read 3,471,042 times
Reputation: 40353
Quote:
Originally Posted by thinkertinker View Post
Hey all I need some more advice. It's taken a very strange turn. So she started sending me messages on social media (we are still connected but I have ignored). What's weird about it is that she is now starting to hang out around my neighborhood on a regular basis. She lives approximately 20-25 minutes (driving) from me. About a 3-minute drive from me is this riverwalk that I frequent daily. When we had our chat several weeks ago I had mentioned to her that I have been going to the riverwalk almost every day for walks and runs. So in her most recent message she told me she is now going to the riverwalk that's by me on a regular basis too.

It's odd because there are two other river walks much much closer to her and other recreational areas too, even a forest preserve. The riverwalk by me is out of her way and with so many parks in our city (literally like 100s live in one of the largest cities) why pick the riverwalk by me? I could understand coming to the riverwalk by me once to check it out, but looks like she is frequenting it all the time. So I thought maybe she is done visiting it. Nope. Today I saw she posted all over social media pictures of herself a few hours ago on the riverwalk at lunch time (which is when I go to the riverwalk...) taking selfies and showing that she's at the riverwalk. I now go at 1PM instead of 12PM to avoid lunch crowds, so missed her by an hour.

Ugh. Now I don't even want to go there anymore as I am afraid to bump into her. Is it me or this strange? I think in the meantime I will avoid going to the riverwalk, but it also will work out. I have been running on it during lunch because that's when it's warm enough. But now that it's warming up more and more I am going to start running on it at 6am which I know for sure she won't be there at that time.

Is this typical behavior of a narcissist?

Yes, entirely normal for them. It's called 'Hoovering" (as in the vacuum cleaner - sucking you back in). If it works, they'll go right back to their previous behaviour. Everything with narcissists is about control. She will Hoover you until she feels she is back in control of you.
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Old 05-12-2020, 04:13 PM
 
Location: Hallandale Beach, FL
1,260 posts, read 931,489 times
Reputation: 2029
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kobber View Post
Yes, entirely normal for them. It's called 'Hoovering" (as in the vacuum cleaner - sucking you back in). If it works, they'll go right back to their previous behaviour. Everything with narcissists is about control. She will Hoover you until she feels she is back in control of you.
That's what I learned yesterday when I was watching videos on narcissism. She sent me another message out of the blue saying "Thinking of you. I hope you are enjoying spending time with your family." I just ignored it.
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Old 05-12-2020, 05:46 PM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
28,840 posts, read 30,079,335 times
Reputation: 19026
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarisaAnna View Post
Really interesting thread. I have a cousin that is a narcissist and I am sad that she is becoming worse as she gets older. She lives overseas and used to come home several times a year, as long as her parents were alive. We have stayed with her briefly several times overseas as our husbands used to have a lot in common. We would have to accept that she would organise and facilitate everything we did when there, as well as pick up all the bills in restaurants, tip her maids and so on.

I never expected much of her but our kids used to get on so I would have some sort of relationship with her. But I now feel the need to fairly much block her from my life. She has tried to take over organising Christmas these past few years as that is one time she is always back. This year her travel plans are disrupted as our borders are shut. She would be able to come in but would have to quarantine for two weeks in a hotel chosen by the government and take a long route to get here. I am guilty of wishing the borders will stay shut until after Christmas to make it simple! I do not like face to face conflict but otherwise I think it will be a matter of lying about our plans. She has lied to me many times so I am prepared to go that far.
wishing you the best with this issue....
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Old 05-12-2020, 05:53 PM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
28,840 posts, read 30,079,335 times
Reputation: 19026
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kobber View Post
Yes, entirely normal for them. It's called 'Hoovering" (as in the vacuum cleaner - sucking you back in). If it works, they'll go right back to their previous behaviour. Everything with narcissists is about control. She will Hoover you until she feels she is back in control of you.
my cousin is so bad, I mean, my son doesn't even know her, and she not only friended him on FB, but she comments on some of his posts, (to this day) and I believe it is simply to let me know she is still around and trying to get a rise out of me....I will never respond to her, b/c I know they will try and get attention any way they can, even if it's negative.

Once she contacted my ex DIL and asked her if she could post a picture of my grand daughter on her FB and my ex Dil, said she was hesitant, but said yes, b/c she is my cousin, now mind you, those two women never met.

So she contacts my DIL a second time, and asked her again if she could post another picture, I guess b/c I didn't respond...and my ex DIL said she felt the woman was trying to hurt me, so she didn't respond. I mean they own not one bit of humbleness...it's all about them....

and she lied so much...it got so, I wouldn't repeat stories about current events or anything, b/c she always lied.
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