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Okay. So the over riding theme is I need to speak to her.
It's sad it comes across like I used her. There are always 2 sides to every story and her behavior has been difficult and frustrating of late.
I did not intend to 'use' her. She is still looking after my child and I still ask how she is and support her through her illness when I see her in person. I don't see that as using someone.
But yes. I do need to let her know I won't be needing her help anymore going by the feedback here. I had my reasons for just wanting it to 'fizzle ' out but on reflection maybe this is the best way.
Also, to add, she does have another job in childcare so she is not just reliant on me for one afternoon a week's work. Clearly she does more otherwise she would not survive.
Okay. So the over riding theme is I need to speak to her.
It's sad it comes across like I used her. There are always 2 sides to every story and her behavior has been difficult and frustrating of late.
I did not intend to 'use' her. She is still looking after my child and I still ask how she is and support her through her illness when I see her in person. I don't see that as using someone.
But yes. I do need to let her know I won't be needing her help anymore going by the feedback here. I had my reasons for just wanting it to 'fizzle ' out but on reflection maybe this is the best way.
Also, to add, she does have another job in childcare so she is not just reliant on me for one afternoon a week's work. Clearly she does more otherwise she would not survive.
You don’t “fizzle out” a relationship with someone who is your 5-year employee and has a good relationship with your child. I don’t understand why you can’t get this. This isn’t just a friendship where you can ghost someone, although I would probably say the same thing for a 5-year friendship.
I just thought that may be an option as we aren't getting along so well. I have not contacted her since March when she last looked after my child and I have heard nothing from her so think she also feels this may be the best option.
Going by the feedback here though, I can see that may not be for the best.
I did not intend to 'use' her. She is still looking after my child and I still ask how she is and support her through her illness when I see her in person.
I cannot figure out the timeline here. Is she still looking after your child? Do you still see her?
If it was me, I'd write a letter using the example given previously. I'd add that I realized I never paid for some of those times I canceled when life was crazy and stressful so here is $XXX. And if I hear of anyone who needs childcare I'll pass your name along.
The other thing that came to mind was whether or not you filed and paid all the required taxes for her and if not, could that come back to bite you.
You mixed up being friendly with being friends, but the relationship is now at a natural break, so let it break. I think BirdieBell gave you a great suggestion on sending her a note. Others have suggested you pay her for her missed time, but I would do as another poster suggested and give her a severance gift card. So, note with severance gift card, and move on. And know better next time.
Well, I left it as in saying that I did not know if my situation would change because of the virus. I was told to stay at home and work and that was back in March. That was the last interaction we had. I did not tell her she was needed but also did not say she wouldn't be in the future. It wasn't really left on any note except an uncertain one.
Now, my boyfriend can live here for a good while until he is told to go back to work which will be for quite some time and I can also continue to work from home and if I have to attend the office, my boyfriend can help.
I agree, it has come to a natural end.
There are always 2 sides to every story and her behavior has been difficult and frustrating of late.
Of late?
You write as if you talked to her yesterday, when you really haven't spoken to her in two months. Her behavior was frustrating back then in response to YOUR actions.
That is why you need to stop making excuses like this is a mutual fight between friends.
It doesn't make you a bad person, but the fact is that you mismanaged this employee relationship, and you need to make it right before you end it. Like it or not.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rainbow123e
I did not intend to 'use' her.
We know that. And nobody here is saying you're a monster or anything. But you do need to understand that, from HER point of view, it does come across like you did use her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rainbow123e
She is still looking after my child and I still ask how she is and support her through her illness when I see her in person.
No, you aren't "still" doing that. She's not "still" looking after your child. You said you haven't seen her or even spoken to her since March.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rainbow123e
But yes. I do need to let her know I won't be needing her help anymore going by the feedback here. I had my reasons for just wanting it to 'fizzle ' out but on reflection maybe this is the best way.
March wasn't so long ago, it was only a month since I last saw her. Things were tense between us then.
Maybe I haven't spoken to her since March and obviously she hasn't seen my child. But that is down to the virus and the fact that I have been insanely busy with home schooling and my own very demanding job.
March wasn't so long ago, it was only a month since I last saw her. Things were tense between us then.
Maybe I haven't spoken to her since March and obviously she hasn't seen my child. But that is down to the virus and the fact that I have been insanely busy with home schooling and my own very demanding job.
I have a lot of compassion with your situation, but I'll be honest with you. I really don't think you're in the right head space to talk to her right now.
You keep making excuse after excuse for why you can't make this right with her. And it gets frustrating when your timelines keep changing and your math just doesn't add up.
Yes, March was two months ago, and you keep saying you haven't spoken to her since then, yet now you say you saw her a month ago??? April 3?
Did you see her in passing on the street? Did you hand your kid off to her without speaking? Surely you realize what it must be like to read all these changing storylines when you're trying to help someone.
I think you need to take a real hard and honest look at how this situation went down and what you would want HER to do about it if you were in HER shoes.
Right now, since you don't seem able to accept responsibility for your part in this, I worry that you could make things worse if you talk to her. (Unless you type out my suggested message word for word )
I meant March, I forget we are in May now.
Well that's the question. It may well be the case that due to her not speaking to me, she herself does not want me to contact her and wants to let it fizzle out. Everyone here has said it would be wrong for me to say nothing however.
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She's not "still" looking after your child. You said you haven't seen her or even spoken to her since March. 
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