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Character is there before everything. Adversity as well as relaxed periods, don't exactly build character - they outline specific areas of your character more.
Your character is the part of you that stays the same regardless of adversity or peaceful relaxed times.
It is all your experiences together. It is you.
How one reacts to the negative not the successes in life is the true test. How one reacts includes moving forward and not just avoiding drug or alcohol because of undesired or negative outcome. Can't always get what you want. But that also means your disappointments are yours, not your family's, spouses or friends. I didn't get what I wanted or expected is not an excuse.
Age old saying it's if and how one gets up after getting knocked down.
Adversity can help to brain to remain relaxed under pressure, to accept circumstances as they happen, rather than resisting everything and trying to control everything. All these defenses a person puts up burns them out and makes them neurotic. You have to have the right mindset during the adversity though. If you go in with a more willing attitude the results are better. If you resist what is going on, it can cause needless suffering.
A person who is pampered in life is often much more neurotic because they are so used to being spoiled that if they don't get their way they throw a tantrum. This is not healthy. The whole goal of mindfulness, meditation, and other practices of personal development and self discipline is to cultivate radical acceptance, to be able to deal with whatever life throws at you without resistance. It's the ability to feel the sensations of discomfort, of boredom, but do the task anyways and let the sensations be without trying to change them. It's hard to put into words, you just have to do it enough times and it starts to click.
Stress is resisting what is. Stress stimulates the sympathetic nervous system. Too much sympathetic activation can lead to burnout. We also have a society that has an arousal addiction. Too much screen time, too much easy pleasure in the form of fapping, food, pot, video games, facebook, screens, all this stuff can wear a person out and make them feel like a walking zombie, or stimulate their sympathetic so they get burnt out and have trouble sleeping and feel anxious all the time. Many times people aren't really "relaxed" during their time off.. they feel this need to constantly be doing stuff, namely stare at a screen. This is not really relaxing.
Meditation is about sensory deprivation and resetting the dopamine receptors, it's about relaxation and self mastery, to be able to look at emotions, cravings, and sensations without letting oneself be defined by them or controlled by them. It's about being master of your emotions instead of emotions being master over you. It's about setting healthy habits so your brain expects them like clockwork, such as sleep schedule and diet. Often things that bring the most long term rewards require a degree of short term discomfort, because the human brain doesn't care about your enlightenment, it cares about immediate gratification and survival. We are still wired as though we are roaming the African jungles...
For people who have anxiety disorders, this means you go into a situation that makes you anxious and allow the sensations to arise, even welcome them and wish them to be stronger. Running away from fear creates a self fulfilling negative feedback loop. Reacting to any situation ensures your brain will throw up the same feelings in the future. On the other hand being able to mindfully observe reactions, to see that they are not really the real you, just programmed responses in the limbic brain, is very liberating. One can then learn to be comfortable with the discomfort and in time the uncomfortable feelings kind of fade away. Enlightenment is merely a state of profound parasympathetic activation from a state of radical acceptance.
I hope you found this post useful. I write these to reinforce what I'm trying to internalize as much as I do for you guys. Thus they often get edited the first 10 minutes or so as my mind sorts through all the information.
The goal of adversity is to train the brain to remain relaxed under pressure, to accept circumstances as they happen, rather than resisting everything and trying to control everything. All these defenses a person puts up burns them out and makes them neurotic.
Adversity doesn't have a 'goal'; it simply is. Our goal, however, is to psychologically adjust to/prevent it (as many, if not the majority, of life's calamities are self-inflicted).
Same for me. I think adversity can help “build character†but it also can break someone down with overload.
The poll needs at least one more option reflecting this view.
Agreed. There are some things that are excessive. Like those who survive trauma like war, combat, rape, abuse, loss of family, very large financial ruin, etc.
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I've heard plenty of stories where people grew up in poverty, managed to make it to middle-class status. They get complimented by others saying "that's the way to go/do it!". However, they retort that despite genuinely and completely making it on their own, they STILL approve of having safety nets like welfare, food stamps, UBI, universal health insurance, etc. They don't wish that level of hardship on anybody else. It's one thing to have to exercise, study hard, etc. It's another thing to be homeless, wondering when your next meal will be, or seeing roaches crawl over your food, but still eating it anyways because you're so hungry, you just don't care.
Others have used safety nets to get back on their feet, like those who had to leave an abusive spouse with their child(ren), lost a spouse, some other catastrophic event (and yes, that's despite knowing there are some who have exploited the system).
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In the US, many get wiped out by medical bills. They managed to pay it off, but it was at the cost of other things like being able to buy a car, get married, have kids, buy a house, move, etc. They're jealous because some of the "socialist" countries would've had that covered. Maybe not completely, but they would've been far better off.
Quote:
Originally Posted by irootoo
I resonate more with the saying "Adversity doesn't build character, it reveals it."
"May you live in interesting times..." is indeed a curse. I prefer boring times with rocking chair next to a warm fire and a full belly. But nobody asked me what I prefer. You either make best of what life offers or you die.
It is BS, pat on the back, make you feel good garbage.
People spout this nonsense in hopes to ease someone over, or people believe this nonsense in hopes to feel better. Reality is, no one needs the adversity of say going through several chemo treatments, to "reveal character" or "what does not kill you makes you stronger".
Some dude be all like "I feel so much stronger due to (insert your adversity)", yea dude, I assure you that you would have been just fine without such thing in life.
It is BS, pat on the back, make you feel good garbage.
People spout this nonsense in hopes to ease someone over, or people believe this nonsense in hopes to feel better. Reality is, no one needs the adversity of say going through several chemo treatments, to "reveal character" or "what does not kill you makes you stronger".
Some dude be all like "I feel so much stronger due to (insert your adversity)", yea dude, I assure you that you would have been just fine without such thing in life.
You miss the point; it's not to 'pat you on the back'. You're the one who has to figure it out and adapt to whatever life throws your way (as we all do). Illness, death, loss, whatever the case may be. What's the alternative? There isn't one.
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