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But in the examples you provided, you say WERE asked for help, so this strategy doesn't really apply.
You seem to be ignoring the actual problem here, which is that you can't help yourself from doing it. It's a compulsion, and the reason you have this compulsion is a problem.
I also agree that you do come across as feeling superior to most everyone around you, and you need to feel good about yourself by proving that you know more.
The info you're providing isn't rocket science. And getting modern stuff accomplished (like a whole house surge protector) doesn't require advanced or in depth knowledge.
It sounds like you need smarter friends.
But then they won't need YOU, so that may not work either..
Yes, with all the talk of reading up and having all this knowledge, I thought the OP was talking about highly complex topics.
But in the examples you provided, you say WERE asked for help, so this strategy doesn't really apply.
You seem to be ignoring the actual problem here, which is that you can't help yourself from doing it. It's a compulsion, and the reason you have this compulsion is a problem.
I also agree that you do come across as feeling superior to most everyone around you, and you need to feel good about yourself by proving that you know more.
Can you see that?
I agree there is ego gratification involved but I don't see anything wrong with that. I view it as the OP is proud of her self-sufficiency in learning new things and helping people allows her to (hopefully) get recognition. It's no different from an athlete who is proud of his abilities and enjoys recognition. The issue is many people want the advice, knowledge or expertise but don't want to feel intellectually inferior to someone they consider a peer. So, yes, you don't want to come across as superior so the other person feels inferior but sometimes you have no control over how the other person feels. It's a competitive thing.
I am not saying you are necessarily wrong about whether the OP is coming across as too strong or overbearing but I've also seen it where it is a function of the other person's insecurities in feeling inferior.
Last edited by Maddie104; 05-08-2020 at 08:46 AM..
Exactly so I don't understand why people can't just google their way through life because it really isn't that difficult. One friend asked me the home buying process and to me it was like hey there are 10 different articles listed in steps on how to buy a house. But they rather ask me. Maybe its the lack of their intelligence or they just rather ask me because I'm so willing.
Do you just turn them to the article because that would be speaking the obvious for them or do you help them define each step?
Ummmm....You spell "a lot", "allot". Stop insulting others on their intelligence.
Ummmm....You spell "a lot", "allot". Stop insulting others on their intelligence.
Just yesterday my friend asked if he should buy a foreclosure and I gave him my full on opinion. I went on and on about foreclosure homes can have issues and if the inspectors are not competitive enough they can miss great details in the house and you can end up getting screwed at the end. He did not like that answer because for him as long as he got an inspector. It was job done well. He didn't want to hear even after inspectors things can go wrong. He ended up switching the topic and I felt like another advice wasted because only if he knew how these homes get approved for sale.
Just yesterday my friend asked if he should buy a foreclosure and I gave him my full on opinion. I went on and on about foreclosure homes can have issues and if the inspectors are not competitive enough they can miss great details in the house and you can end up getting screwed at the end. He did not like that answer because for him as long as he got an inspector. It was job done well. He didn't want to hear even after inspectors things can go wrong. He ended up switching the topic and I felt like another advice wasted because only if he knew how these homes get approved for sale.
OK so you aren't interested in changing, or in how this behavior can be destructive to relationships, or in figuring out why you have this unhealthy compulsion...
I'm starting to understand how the people in your examples feel.
Some people are takers; you need to avoid the takers. Mirror what a person gives you.
Also learn the value of what you provide. For example, I am a researcher like you. I enjoy it. But I have noticed some people don't understand the value of intellectual assistance. I have spent hours learning things or invested in formal education and yet they want to pick my brain for solutions to spare themselves the time, effort or expense. I used to be more willing to provide assistance until I saw how little appreciation there was. So, yes, I now suggest google searches, U tube videos, etc. I can tell they don't like those suggestions but I have learned not to give away my expertise.
On the other hand if there is a reciprocal relationship, I am more than happy to share my knowledge.
Wow, someone is there who understands. Thank you. That is exactly how I felt and please read my previous comment about foreclosure question a friend asked. People only research up to the point of but don't go researching the what ifs and back up plans just incase things don't go as planned. I even help with that based on my experience but they only want to know up to the point of and are happy with it.
OK so you aren't interested in changing, or in how this behavior can be destructive to relationships, or in figuring out why you have this unhealthy compulsion...
I'm starting to understand how the people in your examples feel.
What are you feeling? Maybe that can help me understand.
Just yesterday my friend asked if he should buy a foreclosure and I gave him my full on opinion. I went on and on about foreclosure homes can have issues and if the inspectors are not competitive enough they can miss great details in the house and you can end up getting screwed at the end. He did not like that answer because for him as long as he got an inspector. It was job done well. He didn't want to hear even after inspectors things can go wrong. He ended up switching the topic and I felt like another advice wasted because only if he knew how these homes get approved for sale.
Ummmm....You spell "a lot", "allot". Stop insulting others on their intelligence.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Capitalprophets
Just yesterday my friend asked if he should buy a foreclosure and I gave him my full on opinion. I went on and on about foreclosure homes can have issues and if the inspectors are not competitive enough they can miss great details in the house and you can end up getting screwed at the end. He did not like that answer because for him as long as he got an inspector. It was job done well. He didn't want to hear even after inspectors things can go wrong. He ended up switching the topic and I felt like another advice wasted because only if he knew how these homes get approved for sale.
Just like you just completely switched topics?
Maybe he switches topics because youre either wrong or just going on & on.
Why are you insulting others' intelligence when you spell "a lot" "allot"?
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