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Taking into account everything you've all said so far, the idea that I don't feel anything because I'm subconsciously closed off/isolated is accurate and feels like the truth. However I don't know how to have my body "unstick" from that position because I've lived like that automatically for so long. My mind and my body feel like two separate entities here because I know that my body is stuck in isolation mode but my mind doesn't feel like it can overpower or unlock it. So if you have any thoughts on how to make it so I see interacting with people as anything more than a chore/likely boring or negative event I would be interested in hearing it.
I don't know how old you are, but I am in my 50's now and, when I was younger, wrestled with being an introvert and disliking social interactions. I tried to force myself to be "normal" for years, I wanted to enjoy socializing and be a social butterfly. This caused me much misery because you can't force yourself to be something you are not. So the first (and maybe only) step is self-acceptance. Which is difficult because there is so much pressure to have a full social calendar and countless friends and a huge support system. That's wonderful for those who can realistically achieve it, but those of us who can't/don't want to should not allow ourselves to be made to feel inferior.
As for lack of attachment to most people, as long as there is no personality disorder it is probably, again, just the way you are wired and, again, self-acceptance will go a long way toward making you feel okay about this. You simply cannot force yourself to care deeply if you don't care deeply. We are all individuals and, unless it causes harm to others, entitled to accept our natures and live in a way that makes us happy.
Breaking down responses and responding the way you do represents resistance to change. You have "all the answers" despite the fact that they don't result in any movement or improvement in your sense of well being. Instead of thinking of a response, ponder what people are saying to you. I'm guessing when someone is trying to help you or make helpful suggestions, instead of listening, considering and pondering, you're busy coming up with a defended response. Your therapist should be banging you over the head with this. Years of talking to people means either you should be done talking and start doing, or if it was professional therapy, you weren't getting good therapy. Therapy isn't designed to last for a decade. You are well defended in your position and until you're ready for change and take action since you say you know what to do, you'll stay stuck right where you are. Good luck.
Schizoid Personality Disorder. I have a bit of this.
Quote:
Schizoid personality disorder is an uncommon condition in which people avoid social activities and consistently shy away from interaction with others. They also have a limited range of emotional expression.
If you have schizoid personality disorder, you may be seen as a loner or dismissive of others, and you may lack the desire or skill to form close personal relationships. Because you don't tend to show emotion, you may appear as though you don't care about others or what's going on around you.
The cause of schizoid personality disorder is unknown. Talk therapy, and in some cases medications, can help.
Symptoms
If you have schizoid personality disorder, it's likely that you:
Prefer being alone and choose to do activities alone
Don't want or enjoy close relationships
Feel little if any desire for sexual relationships
Feel like you can't experience pleasure
Have difficulty expressing emotions and reacting appropriately to situations
May seem humorless, indifferent or emotionally cold to others
May appear to lack motivation and goals
Don't react to praise or critical remarks from others
Breaking down responses and responding the way you do represents resistance to change. You have "all the answers" despite the fact that they don't result in any movement or improvement in your sense of well being. Instead of thinking of a response, ponder what people are saying to you. I'm guessing when someone is trying to help you or make helpful suggestions, instead of listening, considering and pondering, you're busy coming up with a defended response. Your therapist should be banging you over the head with this. Years of talking to people means either you should be done talking and start doing, or if it was professional therapy, you weren't getting good therapy. Therapy isn't designed to last for a decade. You are well defended in your position and until you're ready for change and take action since you say you know what to do, you'll stay stuck right where you are. Good luck.
I'm sorry if I gave that impression. I thought it would lead to interesting discussion to respond that way, I am keeping an open mind even if just responding to you like this makes it look as though I'm not.
Sometimes we feel closed off from people because we don't feel they understand what we are going through. You mention not feeling close to family members - it is possible that you just don't think they get what you are going through?, so in return, maybe you don't get their issues. Friends are the family you get to choose and you have made it clear that you want one but do not know how to go about getting one. Start with finding something that you do have in common with anyone. Join shared hobby clubs, and conversation groups. Learn how to be a friend to someone and make room for people that recognize you in your life. Work on connecting with people and try to connect to someone on a superficial level. We all fear rejection and that holds us back from living a more fuller life.
Sometimes taking action helps getting unstuck. We all live in our brains but sometimes that does not translate into real world aspirations.
I'm sorry if I gave that impression. I thought it would lead to interesting discussion to respond that way, I am keeping an open mind even if just responding to you like this makes it look as though I'm not.
This isn't a debate team forum. Please don't waste posters time to amuse yourself.
Thanks everyone for your responses. I will be shortening the quotes just to make my post more readable.
. . .
I agree that I may need to experience more things (the last few years of my life have been relatively isolated: besides university and now work I barely socialized except for the occasional attempt to do something new and exiting) but I disagree that I need to see more bad things specifically. Again it's not that I don't understand the suffering and pain that people go through as well as the horrible life situations for many many people... I just seriously don't care about it.
Well experiencing bad things yourself can possibly guide you to be able to be more emotional about them because you understand the pain. Not that you don't necessarily understand it.
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Originally Posted by doclord
I would say I am ashamed about it but I have a feeling that most people don't care too much about suffering or injustice outside of what affects them or their loved ones, so I don't feel too much shame. If anything I feel shame that I am bold enough to admit something like this at all (as it feels like a sign of someone who is too stupid or too socially suicidal, as I assume most people would just lie or not admit this at all).
Even though probably true, it doesn't mean that you shouldn't not care.
Quote:
Originally Posted by doclord
. . .. So if you have any thoughts on how to make it so I see interacting with people as anything more than a chore/likely boring or negative event I would be interested in hearing it.
What're some hobbies you like to do? Maybe you can find an appropriate way to do those activities in a place you could volunteer at [during this pandemic.]
Last edited by chessimprov; 05-17-2020 at 01:18 PM..
I dunno about most therapists, seems to me if you ask someone 'what's wrong with me', they will fill in with a list of answers. And that works for if you're asking yourself, too, for that matter. How about asking 'what's right with me?' instead? Everyone is different and the range of 'normal' is huge.
As far as 'connecting' with others, that generally takes time and shared experiences. If you join an interest group of some sort and spend time with them, you'll probably end up making connections like you're looking for. But, it's gonna take years, don't expect it to happen quickly. And, it may not happen at all with any specific group.
And, when making friends, make them with all sorts of people, not just folks in your own age group. Should you become the oldest one and all your friends were in the same age group, well, that's pretty much a guarantee for loneliness.
Well I do fear never falling in love and getting married, but I’ve always had these issues and just slowly came to realize it. I’ve always felt okay with it though. I still have empathy and compassion for people.
I'm pretty much the way you are; I think it's because of my emotionally unavailable parents.
Sometimes I feel like I'm outside looking in, and I do feel sad.
On the other hand, I'm pretty much free to do what I want, and don't worry about what others think. FWIW, I've been married to the same guy for over 30 years, and I care for him deeply.
I think you need to accept that this is the way you are, and forgive yourself for not fitting some imaginary "normal". I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of people are similarly disassociated, but spend a lot of energy pretending to be something they aren't. Aww, poor them
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