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TMy suffering comes from my dislike for how I innately feel about things combined with the feeling that I am powerless to change how I feel. I'm not ashamed of it so much as I feel that it is objectively "bad": and the reason for that is because it keeps me from having something I want (social connections, friendships, relationships, etc).
Let me ask you this: Why do you want social connections, friendships, relationships? Additionally, as you are thinking of why you want these things, what feelings are arising?
Might be a few years ahead of the 8-Ball. I grew up an only child, with semi-stable parents: dad always provided, mom was a 1950s-style basket case: pilled-up, smoking, drinking, and eating to excess while claiming to be "unhappy." I got out at 17 to college, and permanently at 20. My primary takeaway was that I could "mostly" rely on my dad, not one bit on mom, there were no siblings, nearest relatives were pothead idiot zombies, next bunch of relatives 1,100 miles away.
In other words: on my own mostly.
“Farther away, better you feel:” amen to that, brother. I put 2,250 miles between me and that drama the MINUTE I had a professional-level job offer in front of me. That happened fast, back in the day w/STEM degree.
I've had few friends in life, now at 52 with four I actually trust. If we weren't in a pandemic, I'd see one four times/year, another every few (lives 1K miles away), a third erratically, and the fourth I'd say every other month. That's plenty. They are involved with wives, husbands, brats, and most importantly: their own problems. Who cares? I have their respective backs, on-occasion when called upon.
No one cares about your problems. Or mine. Seek a little simpatico, then learn to deal with your own garbage or pay a therapist to listen. S/he may or may not have solutions. I own my drama, so own yours, and rejoice you've got that much less to worry about.
Breaking down responses and responding the way you do represents resistance to change. You have "all the answers" despite the fact that they don't result in any movement or improvement in your sense of well being. Instead of thinking of a response, ponder what people are saying to you. I'm guessing when someone is trying to help you or make helpful suggestions, instead of listening, considering and pondering, you're busy coming up with a defended response.
You're making assumptions. OP is just trying to give more information about their situation. Breaking down responses is a great way to cover what they want to say.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MPowering1
This isn't a debate team forum. Please don't waste posters time to amuse yourself.
You don't even know what you're talking about. You are making no effort to understand what OP is trying to say. They are definitely NOT trying to waste time or do this for amusement. OP is a genuine person seeking help from the community.
Well I don’t really love people or miss people. I have issues feeling close emotional connections. It’s just how I was born. I’ve experience no trauma in life, it’s not something from fear, and it’s not anything that a therapist can fix.
I forgot to add that in many ways, how I am/we are is better off than the opposite spectrum of people who are needy and need other people to be happy. Whether its romantic or platonic relationships. The positive are I am totally fine on my own without other people. If I don't love, I can't really get hurt that bad compared to others. But thats not a subconscious reason for why I am how I am.
OP: Reframe it. Read Buddhist psychology - no attachment to others is a great start. Focus on your gifts. You are lucky you don't feel for others. It makes life a lot less complicated and miserable.
OP: Reframe it. Read Buddhist psychology - no attachment to others is a great start. Focus on your gifts. You are lucky you don't feel for others. It makes life a lot less complicated and miserable.
Nice twist! I have recently been enjoying Buddhist teachings.
You can do a lot of things in life if you're not that emotionally attached to other people. For example, you can work long hours and make a lot of money. Or you can have different hobbies like reading books, playing musical instruments or playing sports. Not everybody is meant to be a social butterfly. Also, maybe you prefer pets or animals over humans?
However, depression is not a normal or desirable thing. You have to address that issue.
You can do a lot of things in life if you're not that emotionally attached to other people. For example, you can work long hours and make a lot of money. Or you can have different hobbies like reading books, playing musical instruments or playing sports. Not everybody is meant to be a social butterfly. Also, maybe you prefer pets or animals over humans?
However, depression is not a normal or desirable thing. You have to address that issue.
You know, you have a point. Plenty of people who tend to despise other humans, are animal people. It might behoove the OP to see if he likes animals. A pet he could feel a connection to, might help him with his attachment problems. I am not saying OP despises other humans. But I know there are people who feel stronger attachments to their animals than they do to other humans. It might be something to explore.
And while I was keying in the above paragraph, I had another thought. OP, was there some problem in your infancy that hindered your attachment to your mother or father? A separation, or long illness?
I'm pretty much the way you are; I think it's because of my emotionally unavailable parents.
Sometimes I feel like I'm outside looking in, and I do feel sad.
On the other hand, I'm pretty much free to do what I want, and don't worry about what others think. FWIW, I've been married to the same guy for over 30 years, and I care for him deeply.
I think you need to accept that this is the way you are, and forgive yourself for not fitting some imaginary "normal". I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of people are similarly disassociated, but spend a lot of energy pretending to be something they aren't. Aww, poor them
I think I'm like this too. I can sympathize with the OP. I too think I "should " feel more than I do for others. It often seems like I'm just mouthing platitudes instead of feeling them deeply.
Part of is being hurt and betrayed over and over by friends . Romance has been good, but not friendships. So I don't care much anymore. I have my husband, that's enough.
OP, I'm not sure you can change this wiring in your brain. So much of happiness has to do with acceptance and what a struggle that is.
If you want to test your empathy, watch "Shindlers List" or Sophie's Choice " and see how emotional you get. They hit me pretty hard. I agree that therapy is often a big waste of time and money.
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