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This is very common. In fact, I've felt this way for a decade and I'm much older than you are. Sounds like you live in a less desirable place like I do. Its rough. I don't have specific advice other than what I'm sure others will say which isn't all that helpful such as find some hobbies, focus on your own personal growth, career, etc. Its not much help. Loneliness is an epidemic in this country and you're not the only one suffering from it. I guess there's a little bit of comfort in knowing that, though not much. Wish I could be more help, but its my struggle as well and I haven't been able to make much headway.
i just want that white picket fence with kids and a loving wife living in a decent house in a suburban area
i just want that white picket fence with kids and a loving wife living in a decent house in a suburban area
I don't think thats too much to ask for. It eluded me, that's for sure. But you still have time to have that family. 29 was one of the best years of my life, but times have changed and dating/finding a mate is more difficult these days.
I would be very careful about using the term "low quality" for other people. Those people weren't your type. It has nothing to do with the level of their quality, or at least with their general level of quality.
For example, judging solely by your words in this post, I could say that you are high quality in fitness, but low quality in maturity. I don't know if you can see the subtle difference, between my words and yours.
It's different judging a characteristic of a person, than judging a person as a whole.
(in order to avoid any misunderstandings: I just wanted to bring attention to your expression - your words - not your actual character)
I get your point, but it's disingenuous to deny that everyone has a "sexual marketplace value". I remember dating a 29 y/o (when I was 23) who was divorced with three kids, and one day she mentioned that having kids made her "much less desirable". Naturally, I told her that her kids were assets, not liabilities, but of course, knew where she was coming from, not too many guys want to walk into a ready-made family - I know I wasn't ready to do so myself at only 23.
But the bottom line is, at least half the folks out there are below average in "attractiveness" (even as defined by "the total package" of appearance, personality, genetics, intelligence, earning power, bad habits, compatibility, etc.). Yes, we all have value as people, but to be honest, Taylor Swift simply hasn't been ringing my phone off the hook for some unGodly reason.. I wonder why?
OP, I would say that you need to find some causes you feel passionate about, and volunteer to help them. Who knows, it may even lead to a paying position for a job you prefer, and even if it doesn't, you've helped your own interests and the world at large (unless of course, you're a Nazi sympathizer and join the local grupen). With respect to dogs, I would be MUCH more lonely without the two that let me share the house they run. Maybe you can fill that void by volunteering at an animal shelter. But, the bottom line is to stay busy, and help someone else at the same time, it will make you a better person and give you less time to feel sorry for yourself.
I get your point, but it's disingenuous to deny that everyone has a "sexual marketplace value". I remember dating a 29 y/o (when I was 23) who was divorced with three kids, and one day she mentioned that having kids made her "much less desirable". Naturally, I told her that her kids were assets, not liabilities, but of course, knew where she was coming from, not too many guys want to walk into a ready-made family - I know I wasn't ready to do so myself at only 23.
But the bottom line is, at least half the folks out there are below average in "attractiveness" (even as defined by "the total package" of appearance, personality, genetics, intelligence, earning power, bad habits, compatibility, etc.). Yes, we all have value as people, but to be honest, Taylor Swift simply hasn't been ringing my phone off the hook for some unGodly reason.. I wonder why?
OP, I would say that you need to find some causes you feel passionate about, and volunteer to help them. Who knows, it may even lead to a paying position for a job you prefer, and even if it doesn't, you've helped your own interests and the world at large (unless of course, you're a Nazi sympathizer and join the local grupen). With respect to dogs, I would be MUCH more lonely without the two that let me share the house they run. Maybe you can fill that void by volunteering at an animal shelter. But, the bottom line is to stay busy, and help someone else at the same time, it will make you a better person and give you less time to feel sorry for yourself.
its true can't always sugar coat stuff. I am not sure what i want out of life as I feel that I am a bit loss with no direction. Just kind of going with the flow with life. I figure what really makes me happy is having lots of close friends and relationship. I remember my most fun days was back in college when I was dorming with a bunch of friends and we were broke but always had stuff to do. Now a days everyone busy working, too busy to hang out, or live in different states.
My life isn't that bad atm. I moved to a different state, have a good career making middle class salary, I am 29 years old with minimal responsibilities, but I just feel unmotivated and depressed. One major reason for me is I just feel really lonely. I literally have 2 friends who I can talk to but they are in different states living their own lives. Its rare for us to even have the opportunity to chat online. Other than that I don't really have many friends to hang out if at all with where I am at so I usually just go to the gym or play video games.
Part of the reason I moved to a different state because I was getting depressed living with my parents. My brother and sisters all have spouses and in long term stable relationships. They moved out of parents house. Everyone is in a relationship or married around my age group except me. I think its natural as we get older to have less friends. People around my age group are in long term relationships or married and it makes me feel like something is wrong with me. When your friends find someone you guys can't hang out anymore like you used to. Single life is very lonely. People say work on yourself. I have been working on myself for many years. I lift weights, i dress appropriately, people say I am good looking, keep up with my hygiene.
I try to date but its tough. I barely match up with anyone and if I do they are usually "low quality." I don't think I am too picky but cmon its usually older divorced woman who is out of shape no career and multiple kids. I don't know I just feel like my life is stagnant where everyone else is enjoying theirs. I feel like I might end up settling with someone and being miserable or just continue to be single and lonely. I have been in 3 relationships so I am not a total noob. Finding someone who I can really build a life together would be great.
You may put physical effort into staying in shape and in style and smelling good, but vibrationally, you are really sloppy and lazy.
You're looking to the outside to make you feel good about yourself. In that sense, you can't help but objectify everything. Which is why it makes sense to you to refer to humans who don't make your genitals tingle as "low quality".
Your vibration has nothing to do with the shape of anyone, or how many kids are present, or if they were married previously. And also everything to do with it. This is literally you seeing your actual state of being projected outside yourself. When you recognize that, you will never again feel the need to tear other people down, in order to keep from owning your own part in your attraction level. And your part? It's the whole part.
If you feel lonely, you're going to see things that make you feel more lonely. Like women who aren't a match for what you feel like you're wanting. Your loneliness preceded your circumstances. Your circumstances are your loneliness revealed, manifested.
Turn around, if you don't like what you're finding, and go inward. You have miles of resistance. I can absolutely guarantee you that you have miles of "unworthiness" and "undesirable" going on vibrationally inside you, of which you may not even be aware. Or you might be a little bit aware, but stuff it down when it arises by doing something that makes you feel better. Like you might feel undesirable, and think it means you have to go work out, instead of working through that vibration internally and thus raising it. That's how stagnancy happens, because you meet negative vibration with action. And your life becomes a cycle that doesn't really go anywhere meaningful.
You think it's about women and how they look and if they are doing what it takes to make you excited about them. It's not. It never was and never will be about the women. You will be so much better served if you stop listening to the nonsense about "market value" and instead get to truly know yourself, even the really nasty bits you reject.
This is all about your own state of being. The journey towards what you want begins the moment you realize that.
Have to be honest and I was surprised after the title of your post "getting older" and you are only 29. My son is 31, unfortunately living back at home due to the Pandemic. I always encouraged him to get involved with "Meet Ups". It takes some effort as you grow older--out of school and such. It is an interesting "era" as everyone is busy. BUT there is an entire group just like you looking for people.
its true can't always sugar coat stuff. I am not sure what i want out of life as I feel that I am a bit loss with no direction. Just kind of going with the flow with life. I figure what really makes me happy is having lots of close friends and relationship. I remember my most fun days was back in college when I was dorming with a bunch of friends and we were broke but always had stuff to do. Now a days everyone busy working, too busy to hang out, or live in different states.
I know just where you're coming from - when I was in my late teens / early 20's, I ran with a Crew who shared many of the same interests, much of which centered around motorcycles, beer, poker and bar-hopping. All it took to start a game was three of us in the same room at the same time we all had more than ten bucks in our pockets. Most all of us had girlfriends, but our focus was on "hanging with the guys". As you can imagine, it didn't work out great for almost any us on the "marriage and family" front, but it was Great Fun while it lasted, and I miss the Hell out of those days. Probably saved me from paying alimony and child support in my thirties, who knows.
I guess you could always buy a vibrator, as another poster has suggested. All kidding aside, I believe they are stating that you need to work on making yourself a better person. Doing things that improve your self-esteem and confidence cannot be overrated. But the idea that people do not continually rate each other? Totally untrue - in the old days, they would say "She's a ten", or "he's a four". Still happens today, it's simply a reality of dating. Make yourself a ten if you're able, and as was stated, much of that occurs from having good self-esteem, which comes from accomplishing things that you deem esteemable, and then turning back and saying, "Hey, I did that!". It does NOT come from getting a Participation Trophy, it never did. Again, volunteering to do things that help other people will almost always make you feel better about yourself, but it has to come from a genuine concern for other people.
You may put physical effort into staying in shape and in style and smelling good, but vibrationally, you are really sloppy and lazy.
You're looking to the outside to make you feel good about yourself. In that sense, you can't help but objectify everything. Which is why it makes sense to you to refer to humans who don't make your genitals tingle as "low quality".
Your vibration has nothing to do with the shape of anyone, or how many kids are present, or if they were married previously. And also everything to do with it. This is literally you seeing your actual state of being projected outside yourself. When you recognize that, you will never again feel the need to tear other people down, in order to keep from owning your own part in your attraction level. And your part? It's the whole part.
If you feel lonely, you're going to see things that make you feel more lonely. Like women who aren't a match for what you feel like you're wanting. Your loneliness preceded your circumstances. Your circumstances are your loneliness revealed, manifested.
Turn around, if you don't like what you're finding, and go inward. You have miles of resistance. I can absolutely guarantee you that you have miles of "unworthiness" and "undesirable" going on vibrationally inside you, of which you may not even be aware. Or you might be a little bit aware, but stuff it down when it arises by doing something that makes you feel better. Like you might feel undesirable, and think it means you have to go work out, instead of working through that vibration internally and thus raising it. That's how stagnancy happens, because you meet negative vibration with action. And your life becomes a cycle that doesn't really go anywhere meaningful.
You think it's about women and how they look and if they are doing what it takes to make you excited about them. It's not. It never was and never will be about the women. You will be so much better served if you stop listening to the nonsense about "market value" and instead get to truly know yourself, even the really nasty bits you reject.
This is all about your own state of being. The journey towards what you want begins the moment you realize that.
Amazing wisdom that I never fully understood myself. Its true though and the sooner you see it, the more successful you'll be in your personal life. Its a gift to see it at 29 if you can. I couldn't at 29, but when I look at my life then, my personal life was great, it was my career that was a problem. I think the 2 are related though, meaning had I worked through my issues earlier in life, my career would have been so much better and it all "could" have fallen into place. Get to work on yourself and find a therapist who's a good match to help speed the process up.
My life isn't that bad atm. I moved to a different state, have a good career making middle class salary, I am 29 years old with minimal responsibilities, but I just feel unmotivated and depressed. One major reason for me is I just feel really lonely. I literally have 2 friends who I can talk to but they are in different states living their own lives. Its rare for us to even have the opportunity to chat online. Other than that I don't really have many friends to hang out if at all with where I am at so I usually just go to the gym or play video games.
Part of the reason I moved to a different state because I was getting depressed living with my parents. My brother and sisters all have spouses and in long term stable relationships. They moved out of parents house. Everyone is in a relationship or married around my age group except me. I think its natural as we get older to have less friends. People around my age group are in long term relationships or married and it makes me feel like something is wrong with me. When your friends find someone you guys can't hang out anymore like you used to. Single life is very lonely. People say work on yourself. I have been working on myself for many years. I lift weights, i dress appropriately, people say I am good looking, keep up with my hygiene.
I try to date but its tough. I barely match up with anyone and if I do they are usually "low quality." I don't think I am too picky but cmon its usually older divorced woman who is out of shape no career and multiple kids. I don't know I just feel like my life is stagnant where everyone else is enjoying theirs. I feel like I might end up settling with someone and being miserable or just continue to be single and lonely. I have been in 3 relationships so I am not a total noob. Finding someone who I can really build a life together would be great.
It sounds like your only attempts at dating are via online venues. Try meeting women in real life (once that becomes an option again, after Covid). You'll have much more choice, if you do a good job of circulating.
You're not "older", you're still in your 20's! Your depression will make you undateable. You need to turn that around. "Working on yourself" IMO doesn't mean getting in shape. It means--making something of yourself. Becoming an interesting person, a good conversationalist, developing broad interests and an attractive personality. Getting in shape is the easy part. Heck, if you do all the rest of it, you won't even need to be in shape, lol! Women will react to you positively just for you being you. It's interesting that you interpreted "working on yourself" in a superficial way. That's got to be a symptom of something...
P.S. TONS of people meet their special someone in their 30's and even their 40's. Funny, this is the 2nd time in the last few weeks I've typed that sentence here, to a 29-year-old. Have you posted this topic here before, or is there a sudden malaise sweeping through single 20-year-olds across the country?
You may put physical effort into staying in shape and in style and smelling good, but vibrationally, you are really sloppy and lazy.
You're looking to the outside to make you feel good about yourself. In that sense, you can't help but objectify everything. Which is why it makes sense to you to refer to humans who don't make your genitals tingle as "low quality".
Your vibration has nothing to do with the shape of anyone, or how many kids are present, or if they were married previously. And also everything to do with it. This is literally you seeing your actual state of being projected outside yourself. When you recognize that, you will never again feel the need to tear other people down, in order to keep from owning your own part in your attraction level. And your part? It's the whole part.
If you feel lonely, you're going to see things that make you feel more lonely. Like women who aren't a match for what you feel like you're wanting. Your loneliness preceded your circumstances. Your circumstances are your loneliness revealed, manifested.
Turn around, if you don't like what you're finding, and go inward. You have miles of resistance. I can absolutely guarantee you that you have miles of "unworthiness" and "undesirable" going on vibrationally inside you, of which you may not even be aware. Or you might be a little bit aware, but stuff it down when it arises by doing something that makes you feel better. Like you might feel undesirable, and think it means you have to go work out, instead of working through that vibration internally and thus raising it. That's how stagnancy happens, because you meet negative vibration with action. And your life becomes a cycle that doesn't really go anywhere meaningful.
You think it's about women and how they look and if they are doing what it takes to make you excited about them. It's not. It never was and never will be about the women. You will be so much better served if you stop listening to the nonsense about "market value" and instead get to truly know yourself, even the really nasty bits you reject.
This is all about your own state of being. The journey towards what you want begins the moment you realize that.
very insightful. this is a different level of thinking that I am not aware of. I think we live in a materialistic society and I am for sure a product of that. About your career, money you make, how you look etc.... I have noticed that a lot of religious people seems to have a lot of inner peace. This is something I lack.
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