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very insightful. this is a different level of thinking that I am not aware of. I think we live in a materialistic society and I am for sure a product of that. About your career, money you make, how you look etc.... I have noticed that a lot of religious people seems to have a lot of inner peace. This is something I lack.
You don't need religion in order to have inner peace. And you don't need a partner in order to feel complete, and confident in yourself. You're looking for the solution to your problems externally, rather than internally.
It seems, actually, that you're doing pretty well; you have a good job, you say, you don't have a lot of debt (you're very fortunate to not have crushing debt after getting 2 BA's), and you have two close friends you can talk to, though they're not in your current location. Some people find it helpful to count their blessings; keep a gratitude journal. Thismeans, every day write down one thing you're grateful for. This will help you see the cup as half full, instead of. fixating on the half-empty part.
You can also start thinking about what kind of activities you'd get involved in, once the Covid restrictions lift, that would allow you to meet people doing things you enjoy, and make new friends. Neighborhood soccer league? Meetups or hobby groups? Volunteering? Photography classes or developing other creative skills? Dance classes: salsa, swing, folk, ballroom? Get yourself a life, OP, outside of work. You can do that, now that you're in a good job that you like and that supports you decently.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 08-12-2020 at 08:11 PM..
You don't need religion in order to have inner peace. And you don't need a partner in order to feel complete, and confident in yourself. You're looking for the solution to your problems externally, rather than internally.
It seems, actually, that you're doing pretty well; you have a good job, you say, you don't have a lot of debt (you're very fortunate to not have crushing debt after getting 2 BA's), and you have two close friends you can talk to, though they're not in your current location. Some people find it helpful to count their blessings; keep a gratitude journal. Thismeans, every day write down one thing you're grateful for. This will help you see the cup as half full, instead of. fixating on the half-empty part.
You can also start thinking about what kind of activities you'd get involved in, once the Covid restrictions lift, that would allow you to meet people doing things you enjoy, and make new friends. Neighborhood soccer league? Meetups or hobby groups? Volunteering? Photography classes or developing other creative skills? Dance classes: salsa, swing, folk, ballroom? Get yourself a life, OP, outside of work. You can do that, now that you're in a good job that you like and that supports you decently.
yeah I should start writing down of all the things I have and be grateful for. I do want to pursue more education to get where I want to be financially. But I think I have a pessimistic mindset and need to change that. A lot of people would love to be in the position that I am. I make about 80 grand per year as a single person. I moved to a different state and have my own apartment. I am free to do whatever I want, but all these things seem meaningless if I don't have anyone to share it with.
Its like what is the point of being a billionaire if I can't enjoy it with other people. I think thats the part of my life I am lacking the most. I was real happy when I was just a broke college student but surrounded by a lot of close friends. Now everyone has their own lives and live far away. I feel its kinda hard to make friends when you get older.
yeah I should start writing down of all the things I have and be grateful for. I do want to pursue more education to get where I want to be financially. But I think I have a pessimistic mindset and need to change that. A lot of people would love to be in the position that I am. I make about 80 grand per year as a single person. I moved to a different state and have my own apartment. I am free to do whatever I want, but all these things seem meaningless if I don't have anyone to share it with.
Its like what is the point of being a billionaire if I can't enjoy it with other people. I think thats the part of my life I am lacking the most. I was real happy when I was just a broke college student but surrounded by a lot of close friends. Now everyone has their own lives and live far away. I feel its kinda hard to make friends when you get older.
I have a clearer picture now. You sound like you're going through an extended withdrawal syndrome from the cocoon of college-era friendships to....nothing. Plus, your first job with your first BA put you on a path toward depression, because it was so tedious and dead-end. Then when you improved your situation, your spirits didn't lift, because you relocated to someplace where you didn't know anyone. And now there's Covid, which isn't helping anyone who already has depressive tendencies. At least you're still working! Congrats on that great salary with only a BA!
A good thing to keep in mind, as you get into a rut of thinking life isn't worth living without a companion to share it with, is that finding someone you get along well with is a challenge. What. if you found someone to share your life with, but ultimately, you two turned out to have some significant incompatibilities? What's worse than being alone is being stuck with someone you don't get along with. Bickering, or controlling or flirting with other guys, whatever the problem is, can really bring you down.
It's hard to make suggestions during this time of self-isolation, so my hands are kind of tied because of that. But since you're making good money, and you have nothing else to do, you might consider getting a few counseling sessions on how to break out of your depression, especially during this challenging Covid time. Some counselors/therapists are only taking clients via internet/zoom, but some are seeing people in person. Just being able to talk about your feelings about your situation could offer some relief. A professional counselor would be in a better position to help than we are.
I have a clearer picture now. You sound like you're going through an extended withdrawal syndrome from the cocoon of college-era friendships to....nothing. Plus, your first job with your first BA put you on a path toward depression, because it was so tedious and dead-end. Then when you improved your situation, your spirits didn't lift, because you relocated to someplace where you didn't know anyone. And now there's Covid, which isn't helping anyone who already has depressive tendencies. At least you're still working! Congrats on that great salary with only a BA!
A good thing to keep in mind, as you get into a rut of thinking life isn't worth living without a companion to share it with, is that finding someone you get along well with is a challenge. What. if you found someone to share your life with, but ultimately, you two turned out to have some significant incompatibilities? What's worse than being alone is being stuck with someone you don't get along with. Bickering, or controlling or flirting with other guys, whatever the problem is, can really bring you down.
It's hard to make suggestions during this time of self-isolation, so my hands are kind of tied because of that. But since you're making good money, and you have nothing else to do, you might consider getting a few counseling sessions on how to break out of your depression, especially during this challenging Covid time. Some counselors/therapists are only taking clients via internet/zoom, but some are seeing people in person. Just being able to talk about your feelings about your situation could offer some relief. A professional counselor would be in a better position to help than we are.
yeah you may have a point. first job straight out of school definitely made me more cynical about life. never really experienced suffering before. im glad to get out of that dead end job rut because that was truly soul crushing. i have friends who are still on that path with difficulty getting out.
i agree that being with someone and all the headaches that come with it is no good. i was in a relationship that didnt work out due to difference in philosophies. investing your time with someone and dealing with the emotional aftermath sucked. always grass is greener syndrome. can't have it all.
i just want that white picket fence with kids and a loving wife living in a decent house in a suburban area
Don't give up. I was a lot like you. Introverted. Not a ton of friends. I didn't get married until I was 39.
Finding a SO is a numbers game. You have to meet more people. If you are on dating apps, find a pay site. Free sites attract a lot of lowlife losers. A 29 year old man should not be only getting divorcees.
Don't give up. I was a lot like you. Introverted. Not a ton of friends. I didn't get married until I was 39.
Finding a SO is a numbers game. You have to meet more people. If you are on dating apps, find a pay site. Free sites attract a lot of lowlife losers. A 29 year old man should not be only getting divorcees.
Great post. The OP likely has an above-average IQ if he's making 80K shortly out of school, likely in a tech or engineering job. The problem is, the same traits that allow him to excel at college and his job also bight be inhibiting his chances in the dating arena (see Weird Al's "White and Nerdy" video). Being analytical, he needs to see that his ability to learn and apply complex ideas can be used to improve whatever deficiencies he has in connecting with other people. Someone above mentioned "finding a good therapist", that's never a waste of time - if therapy doesn't help you (unlikely), a good therapist will point you in a direction that will - and Grlzrl's advice is valid, dating IS a number's game to a large extent. My BIL always said, "There's an ass for every chair".
At least you recognize that you depend on External things and others to make you happy which circumstances have forced you to confront. COVID isolation has forced many to confront who they really are ,their strengths and weaknesses. If you keep comparing your life to what it should be You won’t be able to move forward in a way that accepts who you are deep inside and how you can learn to be happy within yourself. Others have suggested some good reading material.
Create a plan of action to deal with low mood and how to get to a place if not joy at least comfortable with your own company while our lives are on hold. exercise,eat healthy, develop some new interests/hobbies, reach out on social media, join local online groups for specific interests,
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