Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Psychological, I. E. Men's and women's brains are different. Different interests and values. Same reason why men like tanks, guns, and violence more than women. Even as a boys. But girls like fashion and makeup and dolls even though both genders are exposed to all sorts of toys.
Anyway, I have zero interest in house repairs. I can use a power drill and nails perfectly fine (they're not heavy at all). Same with learning about mechanics or machinery. It requires no physical strength. I'm simply not interested. It simply comes down to interest, what the person wants to do. That's why.
Now if both partners are working full time jobs and equally sharing both the outside chores (mowing, maintenance, etc, as well as the inside chores (cooking, cleaning, etc), then that makes sense as a partnership. Where it breaks down is when one partner works full time outside the home, and still does the mechanical maintenance chores and is also now expected to do 50% of the housework chores, then the partnership is no longer a fair trade. .
Nowadays many women work full time and still do many of the chores and deal with their children's schedules and interests. That's me, especially cleaning which I enjoy doing anyway.
I have a friend who enjoys doing housework. She says it's her zen.
Me? I like when a house looks spiffy and clean. But it's not my zen, and it rarely all gets done at the same time.
I have different levels of clean. My lowest is "Will I be embarrassed if someone just drops by?" up to "We're entertaining people, everything must be clean."
Psychological, I. E. Men's and women's brains are different. Different interests and values. Same reason why men like tanks, guns, and violence more than women. Even as a boys. But girls like fashion and makeup and dolls even though both genders are exposed to all sorts of toys.
Anyway, I have zero interest in house repairs. I can use a power drill and nails perfectly fine (they're not heavy at all). Same with learning about mechanics or machinery. It requires no physical strength. I'm simply not interested. It simply comes down to interest, what the person wants to do. That's why.
...and yet...I grew up mowing our yard - first with a walk-behind trimming and later on the whole yard with the rider mower. That's because the last teenager my dad paid ran around the yard in high gear and did a crappy job (yeah, a guy) - as soon as I was old enough I got that kid's pay!
There was never a question of me being a girl - I just had to be old enough to handle the mower. And I also did the dishes and laundry, too. I still do all my mowing and shovel the snow off the driveway...so what? WTH does war and makeup have to do with all the chores needing done around the house?
Men and women MAY differ on some extreme things...but for the vast majority the differences are minor and it comes down to how they were raised and personal preference...not whether they like tanks or the color pink.
A few years ago when a friend was newly married, she was flipping out trying to get the house ready for her in-laws to visit. Her husband was all, "why are you stressing? it's just my parents." and she said, "they're not going to judge *you* if our place is a mess." Even my own mom makes comments about "so-and-so isn't a great housekeeper."
Yup. And this same attitude still prevails. Social media and Pinterest only crank up the pressure on women to not only have that perfect career, but the perfect body, clothes, children, house, etc. Women know that if there are flaws in what is considered the "female arena" they are judged and not the husband.
I don’t believe women are inherently neater or more bothered by clutter, but that we are held to a different standard; we (general “we”) tend to view a messy house as a reflection on the woman, so it is more on our radar. Kind of like how my husband sees the state of the yard as a reflection on him, so he’ll notice the grass being a millimeter too high, but not notice the lemonade powder crusting on the counter, or the beard hairs in the sink.
Hmm. I don't view a messy house as a reflection on "the woman", I view it as a reflection on whoever lives there. I don't love cleaning, but I despise a dirty cluttered house. I won't live in filth. My BF won't even notice a half inch of dust on his nightstand. We'll never live together, I can assure you of that. He has a dog, and he has said so many times "I can't have a clean house because I have a dog." Any excuse will do.
i don't complain. I think that women in general do not take into account the other things the men do.
Right now I am here reading and listening to the news, having a drink. The other half is outside mowing the lawn, weed-eating, blowing the leaves etc. It takes him all day - hours.
How many hours do I put into cleaning? Probably less than what he does. But I might do it daily. He works all day on one task. And there are other things he does. All maintenance on vehicles. To include washing and gassing up. I cannot believe my female relatives do this themselves
I'm not saying I can't - but why should I?? I was trained to to do minor repairs on 5-ton vehicles in the military - but I dont' want to do this here.
So keep it in perspective.
I have often thought that women do not understand the pressures men who are primary breadwinners feel about supporting their families. Of course, things are different now. I assume many women have the same worries. The real difficulties happen during the earlier years of marriage when there are kids and lots of demands on both parents. But women often feel pressured to have a clean house and smooth running family life. I think men often do not feel the same.
It has taken years, but we have evolved a system. Basically, he cleans after I cook. This system is great, because he is rewarded with no cleanup if we eat out. So it is easier for us to decide to eat out. He also will vacuum and he takes care of the hardwood floors. He volunteered to do both. Each of us cleans and maintains a bathroom. We negotiated these things because he did not want to pay to have a house cleaner. That was leverage to get him to take on tasks. I would frankly rather have a house cleaner every other week or so, but we are saving money by doing these tasks ourselves.
Where I have heard many complaints from women, is that they have to point out things for dad to do. He doesn't seem to "see" them. They get tired of him not taking the initiative. And really, it shows he is not as invested in the things she wants him to do.
But many men I know and have known, do yard work and home maintenance. I haven't known of many who do absolutely nothing. I hear about habitual gamers, and ne'er do wells, but I haven't run into many of these in my adult life. I assume that for every male slacker, there are an equal number of female slackers. Not every woman is a neatnik or a happy homemaker.
One word of advice for couples with differing household cleanliness/decorating/etc standards..... "duplex"
You can drive each other crazy otherwise with a resulting early divorce. I wonder how many couples do have own individual living space rather than shared living space.
I know a lot women who have kids, work full time jobs, and they still have to clean, cook, do laundry, grocery shop, and take care of the kids..... including Mr. Wonderful, because he has such a tough job and he’s too tired.
If it truly bothers *them* - and it is only their opinion that counts - it sounds like they made a poor choice in who they married. And continuing making a poor choice in remaining to be married. We all have choices.
I may be the only one here but I believe in gender roles. Dividing the chores at home, and have a balance. If one does everything but also works full time, it creates resentment.
He does the fixing/yard/handy/car stuff, I take care of meals/cleaning.
I think a man needs to be able to fix things or have the income to hire anyone to do it.
I love spoiling him with home cooked meals and a clean, nicely decorated house while he finds pride in polishing my car and fixing a broken window. We both need each other, know our roles and appreciate what we do for us.
That's my scenario without children.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
