Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
...and illness of people you have never met? If I did, I'd be in prayer 24/7.
I have an acquaintance, who constantly tells me about the impending death of her elementary school friend's grandmother, her cousin's ex-husband's mother, her neighbor's father...you get the picture.
She is in her 50s. If you have a grandmother in your 50s at all -you are blessed. Many people lose their grandparents in their childhood , teens or early 20s. It's honestly difficult for me to work up sympathy for GRANDPARENT death, when I lost my own mother at 22.
It is NOT only close relatives. This person practically has a person every day that she posts about. Because at 56, probably someone you met is dying or ill. When it's their parents or grandparents? I lose patients.
She follows up by asking for prayer. And sympathy.
I do not think that she is terribly upset about these people. I think she wants attention.
I think that friends have a tolerance level over whom they can feel upset about, or offer commiseration and condolences. A friend of a friend of a second cousin? NO!
Your cousin's "grandma" is not even YOURS. Nor is your friend's. This may be just me, but say "grandmother" not "my grandma". GROW UP!
Honestly, announcing on Facebook the death of a grandparent when you are 50 or better? OK. A blow by blow account of a relative that MOST people do not see past 30? And asking for prayer - for themselves so they can get thru this time? Self indulgent. If you have an 85 year old in your family, you should ALREADY be prepared that their days are numbered. You should be happy that you knew this as long as you did.
I knew my mom was going to die from the time I was 19. She was probably sick before that.
People with aggressive forms of cancer, will eventually pass. I was ready.
I have only met one person in my life who lives on death - and the death of friends who we don't share. Or coat tail relatives.
...and illness of people you have never met? If I did, I'd be in prayer 24/7.
I have an acquaintance, who constantly tells me about the impending death of her elementary school friend's grandmother, her cousin's ex-husband's mother, her neighbor's father...you get the picture.
She is in her 50s. If you have a grandmother in your 50s at all -you are blessed. Many people lose their grandparents in their childhood , teens or early 20s. It's honestly difficult for me to work up sympathy for GRANDPARENT death, when I lost my own mother at 22.
It is NOT only close relatives. This person practically has a person every day that she posts about. Because at 56, probably someone you met is dying or ill. When it's their parents or grandparents? I lose patients.
She follows up by asking for prayer. And sympathy.
I do not think that she is terribly upset about these people. I think she wants attention.
I think that friends have a tolerance level over whom they can feel upset about, or offer commiseration and condolences. A friend of a friend of a second cousin? NO!
Your cousin's "grandma" is not even YOURS. Nor is your friend's. This may be just me, but say "grandmother" not "my grandma". GROW UP!
Honestly, announcing on Facebook the death of a grandparent when you are 50 or better? OK. A blow by blow account of a relative that MOST people do not see past 30? And asking for prayer - for themselves so they can get thru this time? Self indulgent. If you have an 85 year old in your family, you should ALREADY be prepared that their days are numbered. You should be happy that you knew this as long as you did.
I knew my mom was going to die from the time I was 19. She was probably sick before that.
People with aggressive forms of cancer, will eventually pass. I was ready.
I have only met one person in my life who lives on death - and the death of friends who we don't share. Or coat tail relatives.
Am I mean or insensitive?
Human's are social creatures. We want to connect with people. It sounds like this acquaintance is lonely. I think the way you handle that is that you get them to talk to you about something that is interesting to you. I had a Uncle who was a hoarder and a fair bit crazy. But he was also lonely. Once I realized he just had awful social skills, I started probing around to figure out what stories he could tell me that were interesting to me. I got him telling me his stories of going to nude beaches in the 1970's during the sexual revolution. It gave me a whole new insight into my parents relationship before they got married.
If you don't want to talk to this person about death, figure out what interesting things that she could teach you about. If you look for it, someone almost always has something they could teach you.
I understand that people get annoyed all the time from meaningless things and they want to vent. I may sound a bit aggressive in the next few lines but I just want to put your behavior/words in your post in perspective.
"People die all the time. There are a million problems and more in this world and you are sitting there comfortably in your chair WHINING about a person who wants attention? GROW UP!"
As you see(hopefully), this is not a very healthy way of thinking. You have your own reasons for being annoyed with her, and that can be a chance for you to practice on your understanding and patience for others and for yourself.
To me it is of little importance why that woman is doing it. You are here asking if you are mean or insensitive.
It's not a constant. Sometimes we are mean/insensitive, sometimes we are cranky. Other times we are not.
From what I gather you are in the medical field and you deal with death more often than the average person?
That makes you more desensitized to death and illness, at least on the outside. You are able to rationalize with it easier than others, but it doesn't mean it doesn't affect you. It just may come out as being annoyed with people who are more expressive about it.
All I know is that love and patience are virtues. Strive to be better at them if you want to.
If you don't want to, that's also ok. Noone is or needs to be perfect.
Also, on another note - Do you believe in God or something similar?
You are able to rationalize with it easier than others, but it doesn't mean it doesn't affect you. It just may come out as being annoyed with people who are more expressive about it.
I agree with this ^^.
Yeah, OP, in this post you are being a little mean. It doesn't mean you're a mean person, though. It sounds like you're venting.
Because it DOES sound like this woman is hooked on the attention that comes with being the bearer of dramatic news.
My former MIL is like that. She traffics in gossip, only she doesn't think it's gossip because it comes in the form of a prayer request. But instead of being discerning about how many distantly connected people for whom she's asking for prayer, she announces all of them with no filter whatsoever, to the point that when I would greet her, I almost wanted to say, "So who's at death's door today?"
Sounds like you need to filter this woman's social media posts, or just unfollow her.
...and illness of people you have never met? If I did, I'd be in prayer 24/7.
I have an acquaintance, who constantly tells me about the impending death of her elementary school friend's grandmother, her cousin's ex-husband's mother, her neighbor's father...you get the picture.
She is in her 50s. If you have a grandmother in your 50s at all -you are blessed. Many people lose their grandparents in their childhood , teens or early 20s. It's honestly difficult for me to work up sympathy for GRANDPARENT death, when I lost my own mother at 22.
It is NOT only close relatives. This person practically has a person every day that she posts about. Because at 56, probably someone you met is dying or ill. When it's their parents or grandparents? I lose patients.
She follows up by asking for prayer. And sympathy.
I do not think that she is terribly upset about these people. I think she wants attention.
I think that friends have a tolerance level over whom they can feel upset about, or offer commiseration and condolences. A friend of a friend of a second cousin? NO!
Your cousin's "grandma" is not even YOURS. Nor is your friend's. This may be just me, but say "grandmother" not "my grandma". GROW UP!
Honestly, announcing on Facebook the death of a grandparent when you are 50 or better? OK. A blow by blow account of a relative that MOST people do not see past 30? And asking for prayer - for themselves so they can get thru this time? Self indulgent. If you have an 85 year old in your family, you should ALREADY be prepared that their days are numbered. You should be happy that you knew this as long as you did.
I knew my mom was going to die from the time I was 19. She was probably sick before that.
People with aggressive forms of cancer, will eventually pass. I was ready.
I have only met one person in my life who lives on death - and the death of friends who we don't share. Or coat tail relatives.
Am I mean or insensitive?
I think MAYBE a little insensitive...maybe. If this friend was asking for sympathy every day, it'd get old real fast for me.
But my mom is going to be 84 on her birthday at the end of this month. As far as I'm concerned, it'll be the end of an era, and I think I'm probably going to grieve pretty hard when she dies. Sure...we all know we're going to die someday, but losing a parent isn't easier for knowing that.
Yeah, OP, in this post you are being a little mean. It doesn't mean you're a mean person, though. It sounds like you're venting.
Because it DOES sound like this woman is hooked on the attention that comes with being the bearer of dramatic news.
My former MIL is like that. She traffics in gossip, only she doesn't think it's gossip because it comes in the form of a prayer request. But instead of being discerning about how many distantly connected people for whom she's asking for prayer, she announces all of them with no filter whatsoever, to the point that when I would greet her, I almost wanted to say, "So who's at death's door today?"
Sounds like you need to filter this woman's social media posts, or just unfollow her.
I was very annoyed when I posted this. I did unfollow her. The only problem is, she is a member of my church, so at some time, I will be seeing her again.
Usually, I am a compassionate person. You will just have to take my word about this. I do attend church, and I am a Christian, and I generally have no problems praying for families or individuals who have a dying person in the family, or for the relatives of a person who was decreased. I am on the Angel Care team - we take dinners to people who are going through an illness and recovering. Or to families who have just had a child.
THIS person is different. She is ALWAYS full of bad news about people - many of whom she barely knows and none of whom I know. I have NEVER met anyone like this. Another strange fact is that she barely seems sad herself. She is flat and detached when she delivers the news.
She also tells me involved and intricate and involved stories about people who I do not know, that are non-death related. EG - a friend of a friend who is going into foreclosure, a woman she knows who is getting divorced, a neighbor who was in a car accident, a teenager who's parents found out he was using drugs.
Now that I think about it, ALL of these things are NEGATIVE and about people I have never met. Always PEOPLE. Never events. And the stories are extremely detailed.
If I remotely KNEW these people, it would be appropriate, perhaps.
Not only do I barely know them - SHE barely knows them.
When I try to change the topic to something neutral, e.g. a pie I am about to bake, her opinion about a current event, a book I read that I think she might enjoy, she cuts me off and interjects a long story about another distantly related person.
She is also terrified of COVID-19. I gave her an extra N-95 mask as a solution, but it has not helped.
Yeah, OP, in this post you are being a little mean. It doesn't mean you're a mean person, though. It sounds like you're venting.
Because it DOES sound like this woman is hooked on the attention that comes with being the bearer of dramatic news.
My former MIL is like that. She traffics in gossip, only she doesn't think it's gossip because it comes in the form of a prayer request. But instead of being discerning about how many distantly connected people for whom she's asking for prayer, she announces all of them with no filter whatsoever, to the point that when I would greet her, I almost wanted to say, "So who's at death's door today?"
Sounds like you need to filter this woman's social media posts, or just unfollow her.
YES! It's almost as though she is addicted to bad news.
If it’s on fb then unfollow or ignore. If she does this in person just set a boundary and state it hurts your heart to hear all this woe and you want to enjoy her company and change the subject.
If it’s on fb then unfollow or ignore. If she does this in person just set a boundary and state it hurts your heart to hear all this woe and you want to enjoy her company and change the subject.
That's a good idea. And, it is not a lie.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
