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Wine at lunch was forbidden because you would come up positive for alcohol on a random drug and alcohol test. I was at a Fortune 100 NYC public utility. Other companies, especially advertising and stock trading, even other utlilities were different. Depended on the company.
Interesting. Never heard of any company testing for alcohol!
We used to be a drinking culture. Deals were made and hatchets buried over drinks. In the Madman culture of the 70's and 80's you couldn't do business or get a promotion or make a friend unless you got drunk with them. "In vino veritas" dates back to the Romans. I used to look at it like smoking the peace pipe in native American cultures. Drinking exposed the real you and the real them. Trust was formed and relationships cemented. If you want to bare your soul, face to face, pour the drinks first. And listen more than you talk. You will learn more by listening than by talking.
Yeah! We were born slightly too late. Everyone I've hit it off with, male or female, involved the social lubricant. Still does!
If we are one of the slightly-shy types, taking that edge off is opening the door to social interaction you might not otherwise have.
I don't have anyone to bare my heart with, either. Probably not that uncommon. Most people don't want to hear it, anyway. I agree: the "suck it up and don't complain" mantra is paramount in the U.S., at least.
My 3 sisters are loving and caring, but only one would I share anything non-superficial with. The other 2 are not wired that way. Is there a nice way to say "shallow"? So, I never expect that from them.
I often feel I'm being hypocritical by NOT showing my "real" self, but the pay-off wouldn't be worth it. But then you get into the implied "tacit approval" by staying silent. SIGH. I don't know, but I relate, OP.
I'm gonna suggest something that might not sit well.
Stop focusing so much on these methodologies and categorization techniques like the Enneagram or the MB stuff.
In your case (and many others I've seen) I think they just serve to increase your worry and stress that your feelings are coming from forces outside your control.
AMEN x 10000000000.
The hyper-focusing on one's self seems exhausting.
I'm pretty sure all drug testing also detects alcohol. If a company wants to discourage the use of drugs and alcohol at work, they would test for both. Companies that don't care wouldn't test at all. Being under the influence of either at work could result in sub par performance, or accidents for which the company would be liable. I don't think it's a legal issue because random testing results don't get released to law enforcement. But companies have the right to make their own policies. That's why in states where recreational pot is legal, companies can choose to test for it and fire employees who use it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness
Interesting. Never heard of any company testing for alcohol!
People can only stand so much of listening to someone else's problems. After a while a person who perpetually vents about the same issues will turn off almost everyone.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sand&Salt
Yeah! We were born slightly too late. Everyone I've hit it off with, male or female, involved the social lubricant. Still does!
If we are one of the slightly-shy types, taking that edge off is opening the door to social interaction you might not otherwise have.
I don't have anyone to bare my heart with, either. Probably not that uncommon. Most people don't want to hear it, anyway. I agree: the "suck it up and don't complain" mantra is paramount in the U.S., at least.
My 3 sisters are loving and caring, but only one would I share anything non-superficial with. The other 2 are not wired that way. Is there a nice way to say "shallow"? So, I never expect that from them.
I often feel I'm being hypocritical by NOT showing my "real" self, but the pay-off wouldn't be worth it. But then you get into the implied "tacit approval" by staying silent. SIGH. I don't know, but I relate, OP.
I haven't read the entire thread, but I can very easily relate to this. I have some friends with whom I can talk about personal problems and feel that they care and sympathize, while other friends have a "that's too bad, but life happens" kind of response. Over time, it can become a useful skill to determine which people you will share information with.
I have the same thing. I have a friend with whom I can talk about anything, and I know she does care and will sympathize. I have another friend that I enjoy hanging out with, but I hold back and watch what I say because I know she repeats confidential information inappropriately. I know personal things about her own adult children, as well as friends of hers, that she should not have shared. I'm not giving her anything to take back.
Yeah! We were born slightly too late. Everyone I've hit it off with, male or female, involved the social lubricant. Still does!
If we are one of the slightly-shy types, taking that edge off is opening the door to social interaction you might not otherwise have.
I don't have anyone to bare my heart with, either. Probably not that uncommon. Most people don't want to hear it, anyway. I agree: the "suck it up and don't complain" mantra is paramount in the U.S., at least.
My 3 sisters are loving and caring, but only one would I share anything non-superficial with. The other 2 are not wired that way. Is there a nice way to say "shallow"? So, I never expect that from them.
I often feel I'm being hypocritical by NOT showing my "real" self, but the pay-off wouldn't be worth it. But then you get into the implied "tacit approval" by staying silent. SIGH. I don't know, but I relate, OP.
This is just the issue. I KNOW it would not be "productive" or positive to display my true thoughts/feelings to most people. Since I don't have aversion to others doing this (if they are healthy, and focused on self-growth, not just complaining to complain), I can't wrap my head around why some people have such a problem with this.
Do you know the Myers-Brigss functions of yourself and the two you can't be your real self with?
And yes, that is the definition of shallow, as far as I am concerned.
To answer the question in the bolded: I don't know. That's why I copied the person who mentioned that and asked about it. I have no idea what the Golden Rule has to do with being authentic versus being fake.
As to the rest of your post: Where do you get the idea I think other people should solve my problems? Where did I say that?
It isn't being fake to refrain from putting your emotions on to other people.
People can only stand so much of listening to someone else's problems. After a while a person who perpetually vents about the same issues will turn off almost everyone.
For sure. I once knew a guy who alienated almost everyone he knew, in part because he engaged in this sort of behavior. I like to have friends to discuss personal problems with, but I never dwell on it. It’s usually mixed in with other, more lighthearted, chatting. Plus an update on their own issues.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801
I have a friend with whom I can talk about anything, and I know she does care and will sympathize. I have another friend that I enjoy hanging out with, but I hold back and watch what I say because I know she repeats confidential information inappropriately. I know personal things about her own adult children, as well as friends of hers, that she should not have shared. I'm not giving her anything to take back.
Makes sense. As I said, it’s very handy when you can figure out how people will respond and only then decide what you will tell them. In my case, it’s more that certain people I know react to misfortune with a “it happened, nothing I can do” mentality, whereas I tend to be more emotionally affected. And while the “it’s over, move on” mentality might be useful at times, it’s not always what we want to hear in the moment.
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Still does! 
