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Old 08-15-2020, 10:22 PM
 
7 posts, read 4,253 times
Reputation: 17

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Here's how I view success. Suppose you have 2 groups, X and Y, and that the people in group X generally end up in 6-figure salaries, while the people in group Y generally end up earning a mediocre salary. Now, it might be tempting for parents to place their child in group X, as that'll give them the best shot at success.

But here's the thing: There won't be anything impressive about someone from group X working in a 6-figure salary, as it'll be expected of them. And if they don't end up in a 6-figure salary, they'll come across as a loser, as they didn't achieve what was expected of them. However, if someone from group Y ends up in a 6-figure salary, that'll be very impressive, as that's way more than what they were expected to make.

You could say that I was put in group X. Personally, I would have been happy with a modest career and a modest salary, but because I'm in group X, I feel under great pressure to succeed in life. Despite the logic that I used when express my resentment of being in group X to other people, they seem to think me crazy, even though it should be obvious why it doesn't feel good to have so much pressure on you.
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Old 08-16-2020, 07:01 AM
 
12,847 posts, read 9,045,657 times
Reputation: 34919
The first question is who expects you to be highly successful just because you were red shirted in kindergarten? If you feel under great pressure in life it's not because of the difference between 17 and 18 when you graduate high school.
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Old 08-16-2020, 08:57 AM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
30,585 posts, read 25,150,871 times
Reputation: 50802
Quote:
Originally Posted by holvector View Post
Here's how I view success. Suppose you have 2 groups, X and Y, and that the people in group X generally end up in 6-figure salaries, while the people in group Y generally end up earning a mediocre salary. Now, it might be tempting for parents to place their child in group X, as that'll give them the best shot at success.

But here's the thing: There won't be anything impressive about someone from group X working in a 6-figure salary, as it'll be expected of them. And if they don't end up in a 6-figure salary, they'll come across as a loser, as they didn't achieve what was expected of them. However, if someone from group Y ends up in a 6-figure salary, that'll be very impressive, as that's way more than what they were expected to make.

You could say that I was put in group X. Personally, I would have been happy with a modest career and a modest salary, but because I'm in group X, I feel under great pressure to succeed in life. Despite the logic that I used when express my resentment of being in group X to other people, they seem to think me crazy, even though it should be obvious why it doesn't feel good to have so much pressure on you.
What do you wish you could do, that you feel you can’t do now? Is there a career or kind of work you prefer, that you feel pressured not to pursue?

Why do you care about others’ expectations so much?

And, you can’t arbitrarily group all of humanity into two groups. Your way of thinking about people is flawed.

Find a counselor or therapist to talk about why you are bitter about your life. You need to find a better way to think about your life.
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Old 08-16-2020, 04:10 PM
 
Location: Sandy Eggo's North County
10,304 posts, read 6,832,149 times
Reputation: 16868
Quote:
Originally Posted by holvector View Post
Here's how I view success. Suppose you have 2 groups, X and Y, and that the people in group X generally end up in 6-figure salaries, while the people in group Y generally end up earning a mediocre salary. Now, it might be tempting for parents to place their child in group X, as that'll give them the best shot at success.

But here's the thing: There won't be anything impressive about someone from group X working in a 6-figure salary, as it'll be expected of them. And if they don't end up in a 6-figure salary, they'll come across as a loser, as they didn't achieve what was expected of them. However, if someone from group Y ends up in a 6-figure salary, that'll be very impressive, as that's way more than what they were expected to make.

You could say that I was put in group X. Personally, I would have been happy with a modest career and a modest salary, but because I'm in group X, I feel under great pressure to succeed in life. Despite the logic that I used when express my resentment of being in group X to other people, they seem to think me crazy, even though it should be obvious why it doesn't feel good to have so much pressure on you.
While some thrive under pressure, it can also be toxic, like a drug. Depends on the person, and the level of toxicity.
What you've written here, isn't a healthy situation. It sounds as if you're trying to live up to other's expectations, and NOT your own. Time for you to start living for yourself. Do something for YOU, not them.

Your welcome.

That'll be $600, pay the receptionist on your way out!

LOL
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Old 08-16-2020, 11:38 PM
 
Location: on the wind
23,292 posts, read 18,810,120 times
Reputation: 75260
The amount of money you have/earn is just one way to measure success. Many people find it certainly isn't the best way. Especially as money can all disappear in a flash. IMHO it seems more meaningful that I feel I am successful, not whether someone else does. That is a lot harder to lose.
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Old 08-17-2020, 09:15 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,217 posts, read 107,859,557 times
Reputation: 116153
OP, ignore expectations, and do what's right for you. Come up with your own definition of "success". Some of those highly "successful" people have divorces on their record, or are mired in bad marriages, or may be in debt to the max, or may simply be jerks. The trappings of "success" may be visible outwardly, but inwardly there may be a very different picture.

Figure out what you want for yourself out of life. If you're happy and fulfilled in your job, that's one form of success. If you decide over time that you want to move up, or move sideways for personal development, you can get an advanced degree at that point. Wherever you are now doesn't determine your entire future, anyway. You can reinvent yourself along the way, as it suits you.

Follow the beat of your own drummer. It's a more creative and fulfilling path to do that, IMO. Good luck, and to thine own self be true.
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