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But the fact is that the above is simply true. If a guy cares deeply about his wife, then the above is absolutely, 100% true. It is not a control thing, it is simply life- if my wife is not happy, then I am not happy. I want to do all I can to make sure she is happy- if she is happy then I am happy.
Sure it probably goes the other way, too- where if I am really grumpy about something it brings her mood down, too. But what I control is doing what I can to make the person I love happy and comfortable.
You missed my point.
If your happiness does not depend on your wife, that will actually be better for her.
When she is not happy, you can offer her your independently high happiness and that will lift her up.
If her bad mood tanks yours too, it's going to be harder to lift you both back up.
Being happy independently of others is absolutely something anyone can learn to do. It offers you more internal strength and gives you more to share with those around you.
The phrase is a throwback... but that doesn't mean it isn't true. I'm a husband and a father. Frankly, I'm not happy most of the time, as this year has just been one big mess after another. But I continue to go to work, support my family, and I don't complain about it... there's no point, it is what it is.
My wife on the other hand, if she's not happy, she'll complain from sunup to sundown. Not all women are like that, but I would say as far as gender goes, men are much less likely to complain about things than women. My wife is also a mother, and she shoulders a much bigger responsibility for our child than I do, and thereby has a greater affect on our child's happiness too. If she's happy, most likely our child is happy, and if both of them are happy, that's one less thing I have to worry about. If I'm happy, it doesn't make a difference, life goes on.
The phrase is a throwback... but that doesn't mean it isn't true. I'm a husband and a father. Frankly, I'm not happy most of the time, as this year has just been one big mess after another. But I continue to go to work, support my family, and I don't complain about it... there's no point, it is what it is.
My wife on the other hand, if she's not happy, she'll complain from sunup to sundown. Not all women are like that, but I would say as far as gender goes, men are much less likely to complain about things than women. My wife is also a mother, and she shoulders a much bigger responsibility for our child than I do, and thereby has a greater affect on our child's happiness too. If she's happy, most likely our child is happy, and if both of them are happy, that's one less thing I have to worry about. If I'm happy, it doesn't make a difference, life goes on.
Don't take this the wrong way, but reading this post made me very sad.
Can you imagine how much better everyone's life would be if BOTH of you were happy?
Being happy independently of others is absolutely something anyone can learn to do. It offers you more internal strength and gives you more to share with those around you.
This is so so so true.
Being cognizant of where your emotions come from...that they don't come from someone else...is the greatest skill one can learn.
Haha, the longer I'm married the longer I think this is true. I hate to admit it, but I seem to set the emotional tone in the family a lot. If I'm happy I can smooth over tensions and cheer everyone up. If I'm miserable, it's not long before everyone starts losing it on each other. Not to mention I start to drive my husband batty with my complaining.
Not that I complain about small things, but this year it's more big things than usual. We had a giant argument about child care this August and wanted to do completely opposite things. When I tried to respect his decision, I got so stressed imagining the consequences that I could not eat or sleep for two weeks until he relented. Of course, as much as I tried to contain my feelings, no one in the house was happy then.
however, the wife usually exposes the underlying problem issues in a marriage, in my experience, because wives are more vocal and emotional than husbands if unhappy. not always the case obviously.
Last edited by texan2yankee; 10-21-2020 at 01:53 PM..
It IS a cliche and I throw up when I hear it, but I wouldn't call it a gender stereotype. It's just that "husband" or any other terms for a married male don't rhyme with much.
If one person is routinely unhappy in a relationship then its unlikely that the other is particularly happy either, unless that person is totally out to lunch (which happens) or separated by distance/circumstance (like travels a lot for work.)
Being married means that one will invariably have to make the decision to put the other person's happiness/desires/preferences ahead of their own.
Don't take this the wrong way, but reading this post made me very sad.
Can you imagine how much better everyone's life would be if BOTH of you were happy?
You aren't wrong, but your statement seems to imply that his wife has a direct causative effect on his unhappiness. There are a lot of things that are making me less than happy lately, and my wife doesn't come into play on any of them, really. They aren't her fault, she can't fix them, and she can't do much to make it easier/better.
Here's a silly example.
My wife wanted another dog. I didn't want another dog. I didn't hate the idea of it, just would have waited a few more years to get another one. My reasons for not wanting one weren't that big of a deal to me. We got a dog.
My wife wanted to go on a cruise, us and some other couples. Nope. No way, no how. They aren't fun for me, and I'm not spending that money on something that I'll viscerally NOT like while simultaneously consuming vacation days. We didn't go on that cruise.
Being cognizant of where your emotions come from...that they don't come from someone else...is the greatest skill one can learn.
IDK...I've heard that, but it doesn't make much sense to me in terms of a marriage.
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