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I feel like I've read too many articles on people saying they paid for their husband's or wife's student loans, most of them $25-50k or even more, only to have their partner leave them after they get their degree! Maybe I'm too selfish or individualistic or not old-fashioned enough, but I never understood why anyone would do that (agree to pay for it or agree to let their partner pay for it). I'm all about emotional support but when it comes to finances and debt, I like to keep that separate. I just don't understand why the other person would agree to pay for it. Some sort of insecurity perhaps? Maybe they think it would lock their partner in? (Esp if they end up leaving after.. ) the things people do for love.. or would it be insecurity in this case?
I feel like I've read too many articles on people saying they paid for their husband's or wife's student loans, most of them $25-50k or even more, only to have their partner leave them after they get their degree! Maybe I'm too selfish or individualistic or not old-fashioned enough, but I never understood why anyone would do that (agree to pay for it or agree to let their partner pay for it). I'm all about emotional support but when it comes to finances and debt, I like to keep that separate. I just don't understand why the other person would agree to pay for it. Some sort of insecurity perhaps? Maybe they think it would lock their partner in? (Esp if they end up leaving after.. ) the things people do for love.. or would it be insecurity in this case?
Why would they pay for the student loans BEFORE The person gets the degree? The student loans are not due until after graduation. I have one friend who got a degree with student loans and then she and her husband had to get those loans down in order to qualify for a mortgage. My friend got a divorce about a year later. Another friend was married and they agreed to pay off her husband’s student loans first. I assume his had higher interest. I think she ended up waiting a while to get a divorce due to financial reasons. Ultimately the debt affects the couple, even if only one person took out the loan. It is still considered debt when you buy a home, car, etc.
I feel like I've read too many articles on people saying they paid for their husband's or wife's student loans, most of them $25-50k or even more, only to have their partner leave them after they get their degree! Maybe I'm too selfish or individualistic or not old-fashioned enough, but I never understood why anyone would do that (agree to pay for it or agree to let their partner pay for it). I'm all about emotional support but when it comes to finances and debt, I like to keep that separate. I just don't understand why the other person would agree to pay for it. Some sort of insecurity perhaps? Maybe they think it would lock their partner in? (Esp if they end up leaving after.. ) the things people do for love.. or would it be insecurity in this case?
Presumably, they think the household will bring in more money with the degree.
I feel like I've read too many articles on people saying they paid for their husband's or wife's student loans, most of them $25-50k or even more, only to have their partner leave them after they get their degree! Maybe I'm too selfish or individualistic or not old-fashioned enough, but I never understood why anyone would do that (agree to pay for it or agree to let their partner pay for it). I'm all about emotional support but when it comes to finances and debt, I like to keep that separate. I just don't understand why the other person would agree to pay for it. Some sort of insecurity perhaps? Maybe they think it would lock their partner in? (Esp if they end up leaving after.. ) the things people do for love.. or would it be insecurity in this case?
For some of us, when I married him, his bills and my bills become our bills. We worked together to build a life together, and it worked perfectly for 40 years. With one person at the helm of the money, we always knew everything got paid. There were systems in place.
However, it is seen as old-fashioned. The new way to do it is you pay yours, I pay mine and we come to an agreement about what’s joint. Either way you do it, there has to be a lot of trust and discussion between the two of you. Because when you’re making a life together you owe it to each other to save for retirement, save for joint vacations, that sort of thing common living stuff...
Although my late husband did love the joke of what’s mine is hers...and what’s hers is hers! I miss that man.
__________________ Solly says — Be nice!
Last edited by Tallysmom; 11-13-2020 at 01:28 PM..
Most couples work together to get on firm financial footing. This would include helping each other get rid of debts, assuming that they are both working towards the same goal.
I can see a couple keeping assets before marriage separate, or keeping things separate if one of them is financially irresponsible, but otherwise no.
On one hand with a 50% divorce rate at times and 'oh by the way I have 50K ' in student debt paying someone else's debt is not the best idea. On the other if one is getting married it's 'share and share alike' .
Unless both have the same attitude towards that debt it wouldn't be smart to get married let alone pay that debt because money can wind up being a huge issue leading towards divorce. Perhaps one spouse did play/abuse the other's finances intentionally. But they still got married.
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Solly says — Be nice!
