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So I went off my zoloft entirely the wrong way. I just forgot to take them and after a week passed and there was no dip in my mood, I decided to wait and see what happened.
I know that there are drawbacks, possibly severe consequences, to doing this. But let me explain.
I went off it once before, when I was on a tour of Ireland with my two best friends. It was amazing and wonderful, and I was basically on a joy overload for two weeks. I forgot to take my meds. There were no consequences, but two years later, during a severe vitamin D deficiency (less than a quarter of what were normal levels) I had a full breakdown, complete with my suicide planned out in great detail if I deemed it necessary. My doc put me back on the zoloft right away and on a megadose of Vitamin D once the bloodwork came back. The vitamin D fixed everythign, but I got a small bump six weeks later when the zoloft set in. I've been on it for four years until October.
I take my vitamin D every day (5000 mg - doctor knows) and I feel awesome. We are at or near the 6 week mark, and there have been no alarming signs. I feel so great, actually, I wonder if I'm in some kind of manic phase almost. But I know I'm not - I have friends who would flag me if I were, and when I wonder about it, analysis suggests that I'm just in a really good mood. I decided to roll with it because this is the first time I have been off it since my estrangement from my mother. And I strongly suspect that she was behind a lot of my anxiety and depression. That theory seems to be holding up, and it's been nice getting to know unmedicated me without feeling like my mother was going to storm in and send me into a panic.
The one difference this time is that I have been online shopping a lot more lately. Nothing extravagant, and nothing outside my budget. But I like three things: A well-stocked library, closet and kitchen. Most of the things I buy fall into those 3 categories (though I mostly read public library books these days). I'm wondering if this urge to shop is part of stopping the medication or just a result of the pandemic dragging on and wanting to feel prepared.
I LOVE to shop. Mostly I window shop. But I suspect I may be displacing it on to the internet, and it's much easier to buy things there. i'm going to track myspending just like I track my moods and sleep habits. But we will see.
The only other side effect seems to be arguing a bit more on facebook and chewing at my cuticles (though I don't chew my nails to the quick like I used to).Oh yeah, and I spend a lot more time wondering if I'm thinking weird thoughts, lol.
Not a doctor and not highly knowledgeable about bi polar. But—I believe there is a thing called hypomania, or sub mania.
The shopping thing—who knows? It might be the former. Or honestly it could be boredom. I seem to be buying art supplies often, via the internet, these days. I can relate.
Not a doctor and not highly knowledgeable about bi polar. But—I believe there is a thing called hypomania, or sub mania.
The shopping thing—who knows? It might be the former. Or honestly it could be boredom. I seem to be buying art supplies often, via the internet, these days. I can relate.
Be careful with yourself, OK?
I’ve got an appointment with my therapist wednesday
I wouldn't dream of trying to diagnose but want to add that sometimes people only experience depression for years before having their first manic episode. So I'd never say never with mental health diagnoses.
Just keep paying attention. I'm assuming you told the doc what you're doing.
Sounds like some sort of compensation...maybe you are feeling some need to stave off a return of depression (you are still very aware that you no longer have the reassurance of medication) by keeping your brain preoccupied with momentary pleasures. If you stay overly consumed with something depression can't squeeze itself past your defenses.
You're aware from your previous experience what can happen so I'm glad you're being wary. I think it's a good idea to yes, track your spending, but also do a quick daily journal of your mood or any concerning behaviors...maybe rating your mood daily on a scale from 1 - 10. Really just anything to give you some objectivity across time to be sure you're seeing whatever changes might be there.
In terms of your Vitamin D - I have SADD and and my original blood level was quite low - I think 22. So I took 5,000IU a day for a period of time but then reduced my dosage. Have you been retested? Vitamin D is fat soluble so can build up in your body - you may not need that high dose now. Also, we are going into winter so your mood may not last.
I won't say "good luck" or some such because I've been on Wellbutrin for probably 20 years after trying several anti-deps (major family history of depression and bipolar). I don't have any specific desire to get off anti-dep. - it's not a goal of mine and I really don't want to flirt with being suicidal again - not worth it to me as I'm doing fine as I am.
You're aware from your previous experience what can happen so I'm glad you're being wary. I think it's a good idea to yes, track your spending, but also do a quick daily journal of your mood or any concerning behaviors...maybe rating your mood daily on a scale from 1 - 10. Really just anything to give you some objectivity across time to be sure you're seeing whatever changes might be there.
In terms of your Vitamin D - I have SADD and and my original blood level was quite low - I think 22. So I took 5,000IU a day for a period of time but then reduced my dosage. Have you been retested? Vitamin D is fat soluble so can build up in your body - you may not need that high dose now. Also, we are going into winter so your mood may not last.
I won't say "good luck" or some such because I've been on Wellbutrin for probably 20 years after trying several anti-deps (major family history of depression and bipolar). I don't have any specific desire to get off anti-dep. - it's not a goal of mine and I really don't want to flirt with being suicidal again - not worth it to me as I'm doing fine as I am.
I get that. I’m prepared to go back on the Zoloft For the rest of my life if this goes south and do the med tinkering if my chemistry has changed. But I’ve never known what it is to be off of my medication without my mother in my life. She’s basically a walking trigger. I’m curious as to how much she affected my moods. She was insanely overbearing and manipulative, and even though I have largely been out of her reach for a decade, that fear And doubt was always lurking at the back of my mind as long as she was involved in my life.
My depression and anxiety have always been triggered by events, such as low Vitamin D and major stressors. With my mother removed from the equation, my finances in comfortable territory, my father in safe hands and my workload manageable, my triggers are gone. This is an experiment to see if it really was just those triggers. But yeah, once this wave of the pandemic is over, I’m going to go in for bloodwork.
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