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I have a good friend who happens to be an ex-gf from 20 years ago who tells me I'm exceptional and have so much going for me, that women should be fighting for my attention, blah, blah, blah. I just don't believe her given the last decade of my life post divorce. A big part of it is where I live, and it wears on me. I'm so isolated. I also just simply don't believe her. I do think if I remain single I really need hobbies outside of the gym (which is a lifestyle, not a hobby), reading, travel (alone, which I hate), and Netflix. I don't know what to do to be happier with myself. Part of it is depression, but part is mediocrity. I wanted a family, and thats a big reason I feel "less than". I don't have one. With my parents gone and getting older, I worry about the future. When I'm dying, will I be able to look back on my life with satisfaction or will I have regret? I'm afraid it will be the latter.
Well where do you live, and where is the closest large city? What do you enjoy? Have you gotten screened for depression?
I think your discontent seems quite fixable. Especially if you are willing to redefine your concept of family.
This has been popping up on social media attributed to Kurt Vonnegut. I can't find the original source, but even if it's not Vonnegut it's a nice thought:
Quote:
“When I was 15, I spent a month working on an archeological dig. I was talking to one of the archeologists one day during our lunch break and he asked those kinds of “getting to know you” questions you ask young people: Do you play sports? What’s your favorite subject? And I told him, no I don’t play any sports. I do theater, I’m in choir, I play the violin and piano, I used to take art classes.
And he went WOW. That’s amazing! And I said, “Oh no, but I’m not any good at ANY of them.”
And he said something then that I will never forget and which absolutely blew my mind because no one had ever said anything like it to me before: “I don’t think being good at things is the point of doing them. I think you’ve got all these wonderful experiences with different skills, and that all teaches you things and makes you an interesting person, no matter how well you do them.”
And that honestly changed my life. Because I went from a failure, someone who hadn’t been talented enough at anything to excel, to someone who did things because I enjoyed them. I had been raised in such an achievement-oriented environment, so inundated with the myth of Talent, that I thought it was only worth doing things if you could “Win” at them.”
- Kurt Vonnegut
Half of the population is below average on any given thing. There is great value in humility and introspection. Among other things, you tend not to have those earth-shattering moments when you realize you weren't as good as you thought you were.
What it got me to thinking about was the many missed opportunities, both in academic and personal life during those years. Yet those missed opportunities have not cost me all that much.
*********** My grades were not great at Cornell, but somehow I did get into Boston University Law School. My performance was decidedly pedestrian as well.
But how did all this turn out in the end? Not bad, given a decidedly mediocre amount of effort.
The only way you can be a failure is by not trying your best when you are young and staking a claim.
As you get into midlife it's okay to dial back and settle. Almost everyone does it, because we achieve a measure of comfort and because we realize that success ain't all it's cracked up to be.
I remember the expression "Just to be is a blessing.....just to live is holy."
or, "Be humble, for you are made of dung....Be noble, for you are made of stars."
If you think about it, most people probably would fall under mediocre.....but I have never considered myself as such. I have worked hard all my life, given 100% there, tried to live as a kind and considerate human, help those when I can, be self sufficient and smart about my life choices.....just like most humans, I would guess. And I try to be always conscious and grateful for the blessings in my own life as well as try to minimize what might be not so productive habits or characteristics. (politics comes to mind).
I am a unique expression of God consciousness - another way of looking at it. What I do with it is up to me.
Same i had alot of dreams too when I was younger and talents I believe I do. As I grew older I'd realized many thing in life are not within my control. I didn't get it then when someone once said to me its a jungle out there.
I wondered the same thoughts as you did...mediocre? Now I don't really care what that means anymore. Everybody is same in the end when their 2 legs stretched.
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