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When I was 20 I had a drunk encounter with a guy where we made out. We went to college together. It was a one time thing, then we went home for the summer, I didn't think much of it, but then I ended up having a crush on him for about a month. Nothing ever came of it and i started dating someone else. I graduated college but i continued to hear things about him through the news. He was from South Boston, ended up running with a tough crowd, was actually accused of murder at one point (it's still unknown as to whether he was involved, he sas no), felony arrest for drugs. He was most recently arrested in 2015 for some type of ponzi scheme gambling sting- I dont even know really but his mug shot is on line. I one time saw him out about 15 years ago when I was on a date. We saw each other across the room, recognized each other and he made kind of a sad face that i was with another guy or something. We didn't even speak. I believe he had some type of military scholarship but lost it for all the trouble he was in. About a year ago I looked him up on social media and he is engaged to a very nice pretty girl. I have no idea what he does for a job if anything but he seems to have lots of friends and looks happy. I almost wonder how someone could be happy and have lots of friends after going through those things and how they could find someone pretty and successful to marry. I admit I would not want to be with someone who did these things nor would i want children with someone like this.
I guess the pandemic has put a lot of time on my hands at night when my kids go to bed. I am married with two kids, it hasnt been easy late....and it seems like every night I dream about this guy. The dreams are often sexual. What is up with this? I looked at his instagram and he is getting married this weekend. I feel embaressed about my dreams or that i even think of him at all. What did this one encounter 22 years ago do to me?
You keep involving yourself with his life. You're snooping. Many people secretly watch "bad people" because they can indulge in crimes without actually needing to commit them. Maybe you envy his willingness to take risks, to defy society. A guilty pleasure? Prurient curiosity? I'd suspect you dream about him because his life continues to matter to you. Maybe you have some lingering embarrassment or guilt over something dumb you did before. Maybe you need to remind yourself how much better YOUR life turned out by measuring it against his. But, now that he seems to have gotten things you value in spite of his past, you're jealous. Keeps you from putting this person to bed in your mind. Pun intended.
Last edited by Parnassia; 11-27-2020 at 03:01 PM..
I dont know...if it werent for places like instagram, facebook, and the news I'd have no way to snoop. I do envy men in that it seems like they can live a life of leisure and still settle down with a good woman...or what I consider a good woman. It doesnt usually work this way for a woman. A woman doesnt usually dabble in drugs, get arrested, be in a big time sports betting ring. He spent more than seven years in prison after pleading guilty in federal court to dealing Oxy in 2008. So the 2015 arrest was some type o gambling enterprise. It does seem odd to me that a man can do all that yet an attractive, desirable woman still wants to marry them.
It seems pretty logical that you'll keep thinking & even dreaming about him since you seem to be keeping up w/ him & his life throughout these 22 yrs. You should completely stop looking him up entirely or you'll never stop thinking/dreaming about him. That's pretty much wasting some of your life away...it is if you added up all the minutes/hours you've read about him, looked at pics, etc.
I've never been like this w/ the few past guys I've either dated, had 1 special date w/, or something in-between that. I guess for me, when something's been long over, I don't dwell on it.
You say you're married. Are you HAPPILY married or do you think you just have more time on your hands these days?
Well, you'll just have to have the willpower not to look up things about him anymore if you want to stop this.
I do envy men in that it seems like they can live a life of leisure and still settle down with a good woman...or what I consider a good woman. It doesnt usually work this way for a woman. A woman doesnt usually dabble in drugs, get arrested, be in a big time sports betting ring. It does seem odd to me that a man can do all that yet an attractive, desirable woman still wants to marry them.
You really believe women can't successfully reinvent themselves or overcome bad reputations in the same way men can? Really? Not to mention that you don't know a thing about this man's fiance or why she might have chosen him...
He was a pretty wild guy and bad boys are sexy. Your life is missing adventure these days, and he may be the most dangerous person you had a real life encounter with. Sounds like you are a bit bored and your dreams are letting you know it.
Maybe he still thinks of you. They say somewhere that people all send out thoughts to others all the time, like antennas. We send out thoughts, and receive them.
He represents something that you have not resolved, or that is bothering you about your life. You aren’t dreaming about him. You are dreaming about yourself.
Why not see a counselor for a few sessions to see if you can figure out what your issues is?
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