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I'm sorry for your loss. I personally know no one who's done this. I'd personally never do this to myself. Nothing in life is that bad. That's my opinion of course. To answer your questions, here's what I think:
But at the same time maybe these people truly felt it was their time to go?
Sure, in THEIR eyes, they think it's their time to go since they're the ones who want to do this to themselves.
Why does wanting to take your own life always equate to mental illness?
Because society doesn't want to really accept that this is normal/appropriate behavior...even though it happens all the time.
Look back when Kate Spade & Anthony Bordain committed suicide. They were extremely accomplished individuals in their industries & many people would love to have their life, but something obviously wasn't good in THEIR minds. I don't recall anyone saying that they were mentally ill at all. It's just how things went & unless they told someone why they did it (through a suicide note, etc.), then no one will know why they really did it.
This really shows that contentment is one's state of mind. They had some kind of sadness to the point that they didn't want to continue living. As great as their lives were, something wasn't right. They were rich, famous, contributed to others in their field, others saw them as an inspiration & motivation, etc. They could travel around the world, buy whatever they wanted, etc. & apprently NONE of that was enough for them to watn to keep living. If many of us had all that, we'd be as happy as a clam & want to live forever. Kate Spade had a child, so even that wasn't enough for her to stay on this earth & it's not like her child was an adult on her own when her mother left this earth.
If someone truly feels ready to leave the Earth why should they seek counseling unless they are feeling conflicted?
Because society & most people view life as a precious gift & we should live life to the fullest & all that (which I think is true too, BTW), so when someone wants to not live anymore, it's seen as OMG, why? & you should get help because you should want to live, etc. Perhaps counseling might even tell a person & make it more clear to them why they should end their life. I wonder has counseling ever shown that opposite light to someone?
Over the summer, we finally found a talk therapist who is a good fit for him, and she actually did initially think schizoaffective sounded likely, so she referred us to a psychiatrist, but those appointments are brief telemed ones, and what sucks is that these two providers aren't comparing notes. The psychiatrist wasn't convinced, and never saw him during one of his monologues, what it looked like to her was depression and anxiety. So she had him on 3 meds for those things, but he kept getting worse, and sometimes he wouldn't take his meds anyhow.
Then he tried to overdose on them. Which led to a stay in a local facility recently. They got to see him get kind of irrational, so they gave him a mild antipsychotic, and now we wait. I'm observing him at my house for at least 2 weeks to see if it helps.
So yes, he's gotten help, but it's still a long hard road to actual progress. And no way to even know for sure if this is what's going to really make things better.
It just seems like getting help, then finding a good match with professionals (we ran into some real jokers trying to get him therapy)...paying for it, fitting it into work schedules, all of that is challenging, but then even if you're lucky and get all of that, figuring out an accurate diagnosis and meds is a whole process.
So when folks just kind of say, "get help" sometimes, though I don't express it, I feel kind of snarly. As though that's easy!? I really think that mental health care in this country needs a hell of a serious overhaul.
Are you able to video him on a smartphone when he's having a rough time? That might be able to help show the "professionals" what he is experiencing. It's not like it's a light switch that can be turned on and off. They should know that and remember that, but many just don't seem to be great at their job. Finding the right therapists is very time consuming and while going through them the one who is suffering feels like this search is hopeless and no one understands. It's awful! My heart really goes out to you and him. Getting help isn't easy and it can take a great deal of time.
Also the language is always the same whether it's a drug overdose or suicide. The person reading the obituary is often left wondering what the heck happened unless they are close with the family.
I also saw one about a guy from the town I grew up in and it just said 'passed away from a sudden illness.' He was in his late 30's and it just made me wonder what the sudden illness could have been.
It's really no one's business how someone passed away. Those who need to know are in the know. Many people don't have obituaries. I have zero interest in one for myself or my husband. Those who need to know we're gone will know and they'll know how. We're not interested in the gossip mill.
It's really no one's business how someone passed away. Those who need to know are in the know. Many people don't have obituaries. I have zero interest in one for myself or my husband. Those who need to know we're gone will know and they'll know how. We're not interested in the gossip mill.
I kind of agree that it isn't someone's business on how someone passed away. However if it is a young person inquiring minds would like to know whether it's their business or not. If it's no one's business and so private why do an obituary in the first place? Just to let the world know they are dead? I personally think it's important to know how someone died if you're going to announce it. I understand people won't agree with me on this as well.
I kind of agree that it isn't someone's business on how someone passed away. However if it is a young person inquiring minds would like to know whether it's their business or not. If it's no one's business and so private why do an obituary in the first place? Just to let the world know they are dead? I personally think it's important to know how someone died if you're going to announce it. I understand people won't agree with me on this as well.
It’s a public notice informing of a death and honoring their lost loved one, beyond that they Don’t need to satisfy anyone’s curiosity By providing details of how they died.
I understand that. My point is that people are wondering what happened - like was it a drug overdose or a suicide? If it were me who had done either thing I just wouldnt even want their to be an obituary.
With very few exceptions, I think people do about as well as they can with life. I can't really name the exceptions, but something in me clings to the idea that we can just tough it out or man up or some other bit of wisdom that leads me to qualify that thought with the possibility of exceptions. Maybe it's faith.
But when I see or hear about people in bad situations I may think for a second that they should just......and then I remind myself that the very structure of that thought is dismissive and reductive. He should just lose weight, or just stop selling meth, or she should just quit drinking, or just get a better job or be more social. In my experience, everything that follows the word "just" in sentences and thoughts structured that way is utter bull****.
The answer to all of life's problems can be reduced to the very simplest, stark terms, which removes all the very complicated nuance that makes a life. A few of us do this reduction thoughtlessly but with no malice. A few do it cruelly so we can sit in judgment of those who just don't get it. Most of us, myself included, need to put some safe distance between ourselves and those who just can't whatever, knowing on some level that if there is a difference in our makeups it's more "but for the grace of god (or genes or dumb ****ing luck) go I" that some heroic effort I make to avoid ****ing up my life. After all, we can't really claim credit for being forthright or resilient. Even those qualities we associate with character are more a matter of choosing our parents well for their genes or their parenting style, or both.
So I can't judge people who commit suicide. It's touched my life in heartbreaking ways and I wish for myself and others who mourned a loss and for the people who made that choice that they hadn't. I believe that suicide is usually a rational choice in an isolated moment of their lives and maybe that moment only, and had they had fewer pills left or if someone had been home or if the dog needed feeding or I had picked up the phone, they would have survived that dark moment and maybe never returned to that kind of darkness.
So while I can't condone suicide, I can't condemn it either. What choice is more personal and what decision more subjective?
I don't condone suicide by the way and am not thinking of doing it but I have suffered from both emotional and physical pain on a daily basis and still do sometimes, and when all you feel is pain, I can see why you would want to do anything just to release yourself from suffering. I do wish people could feel more inclined to seek help before they convince themselves death is the only way out.
This would be it for me to consider ending my life once and for all. I ever felt meaningless to go on for a lost relationship that meant alot to me, but that eventually past and I got over it. There're times where it got me so down and my life seemed so gloomed, but somehow i survived.
But with physical pain is when you can't do anything, nothing you can do to relieve and no one can understand what you're going through, all you want is to put an end to everything. I wish there is a self authorised process to ending own life and they should be justified when one's life quality is affected by physical pain. Its worst to deny death to someone suffering physical pain.
I understand that. My point is that people are wondering what happened - like was it a drug overdose or a suicide? If it were me who had done either thing I just wouldnt even want their to be an obituary.
I wouldn't want an obituary either don't see the point. People who need to know will eventually find out anyway.
This would be it for me to consider ending my life once and for all. I ever felt meaningless to go on for a lost relationship that meant alot to me, but that eventually past and I got over it. There're times where it got me so down and my life seemed so gloomed, but somehow i survived.
But with physical pain is when you can't do anything, nothing you can do to relieve and no one can understand what you're going through, all you want is to put an end to everything. I wish there is a self authorised process to ending own life and they should be justified when one's life quality is affected by physical pain. Its worst to deny death to someone suffering physical pain.
Euthanasia needs to be legal.
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