The need to constantly talk politics: Why? (mom, husband, issues)
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This is a psychological question, not something for the political forum, because it is about behaviors I am dealing with.
I generally try to avoid discussing politics with anyone, including family, because people don't seem to want to have rational discourse (even if we're on the same political side). It's like all anyone wants to do is rant and complain and blame "the other side" but not discuss how we could actually fix some of the issues facing our country with workable solutions.
In fact, I have a very bad physical reaction to political discussion. I get stomach pains, my face heats up and it is just not a pleasant feeling. Sometimes I feel like am actually going to vomit. This has been going on for years, it's not related to any particular U.S. administration. I believe I know the root cause of why I have this reaction but that's not really relevant to my question.
I have mentioned several times to various friends and family members that I just don't like discussing politics and I find it uncomfortable. I was not able to get anyone to heed my request after Trump became president, because most of my circle (friends and family, including me) are democrats. So of course complaining about Trump has been something I have heard for 4 years now. When I say "I have heard about for 4 years" I mean he is being interjected into subjects we aren't even remotely about politics or government. Example: Someone was being a pain in the arse on the tennis team, and my friend says to me "They must be a Trump supporter!" I mean really, is that anything useful?
Which brings me to today. I couldn't wait for the recent election to be over because I thought "If Biden gets elected, I won't have to hear about Trump anymore." Yay!
Well, that is not the case.
I kid you not, I have heard rantings about Trump in just about every personal friends/family encounter I have had since November 7 (I'm talking phone, email, text and in person). It is like people are just obsessed with talking about him and if they can't talk about his presidency they'll talk about his freaking Mar-a-Lago estate.
Yes, I know that he has made a big mess made over elections but the bottom line is that everyone who matters politically is acknowledging that Biden won and is going to be sworn in in January. So can't we just ignore him?
It really makes me wonder what psychological need is there to continually rant about politics? Don't people talk about art, culture, movies, sports, business, the economy, great recipes, new fitness discoveries, or anything else?
I just don't understand it and honestly I have gotten to where I don't want to engage with anyone because I know politics will come up, I will feel like throwing up and I just don't want to go there.
Does anyone else feel this way about political discussions?
I never minded discussing politics in the past unless it was with my sister whose dogmatic views ended up like bullying sessions, and a need to see everything in life through that prism. I could be eating a pork pie and she’s somehow make that into some political diatribe.
I suppose it’s not much different than those who bring religion into EVERYTHING , or their life centers around a hobby or grandchildren etc and that’s all they talk about.
If you have told family and friends you don’t want to hear it and then they make a comment like this;
“my friend says to me "They must be a Trump supporter!" Then you need to say something immediately with a groan or a yawn and statement that you’ve made it clear you no longer want to hear it or That this is getting so boringly old.
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This week we talk to Yanna Krupnikov, a political scientist at Stony Brook University, about an alternative way to understand Americans' political views.
Honestly OP, I really feel for you. It gets to a point where certain repetitive revisits to the same old subject can be nearly like a PTSD trigger. You body starts throwing stress reactions all over the place. It's hard to cope with.
I not only feel that way about political stuff with certain individuals, but for instance my Mom does something I refer to as her "litany of woes." She can, for hours and in great detail, describe all of her problems...money, health, relationships, a whole life history of being wronged by person after person after person...and she will not be stopped or interrupted or let anyone else get a word in. Sometimes she gets really worked up. And sometimes I find it very uncomfortable and stressful and hard to deal with.
So sadly, I don't know what else to do, other than to attempt to redirect her if possible, end the phone call if I need to, or limit how much I talk to her, which can be hard because yeah, she's family and I do love her a lot. But it also helps to try and find, and nurture, connections with others who are able to be more in the moment and talk about other things and respect your needs in this regard. Be careful with people you choose to be close to you, like romantic partners and friends. "Chosen family." I'm fortunate that I have some, my husband and a few really close and dear friends, who are able to have conversations with me that feel healthy and fulfilling, rather than just stressful. They sort of refill the energy in me that feels depleted after talking to one of the relatively difficult people I know.
It's a personal preference and choice. I shut it down any time someone tries to engage me, or pull me into it.
There's no requirement to discuss politics. If you don't respond, and make it clear you're not going to discuss it, it's starved and won't go any further. The problem is, too many respond like Pavlov's Dogs, as though they must discuss and feed the nonsense. So we all play a role in this, and can be part of the solution.
We used to say in this country: Don't discuss politics, religion, or money (it will only lead to arguing). But we've forgotten / lost that.
I can top that. My therapist breaks into anti-Trump rants during our sessions. I just stare at her and hope she'll take the hint.
You said: What psychological need is there to continually rant about politics?
It's the need to signal one's status as a member of the in-group and to make derogatory comments about those perceived to be in the corresponding out-group.
I never minded discussing politics in the past unless it was with my sister whose dogmatic views ended up like bullying sessions, and a need to see everything in life through that prism. I could be eating a pork pie and she’s somehow make that into some political diatribe.
I suppose it’s not much different than those who bring religion into EVERYTHING , or their life centers around a hobby or grandchildren etc and that’s all they talk about.
If you have told family and friends you don’t want to hear it and then they make a comment like this;
“my friend says to me "They must be a Trump supporter!" Then you need to say something immediately with a groan or a yawn and statement that you’ve made it clear you no longer want to hear it or That this is getting so boringly old.
I enjoy discussing politics but I avoid it with people whose views I don't know or have opposing views. My daughter has gotten upset with my wife and I because she says we are constantly discussing politics or the pandemic. She also doesn't like that we always have political talk shows on TV and finds it to be negative.
OTOH, I can't stand discussions about religion, dogs, or entertainment gossip. Before I had children and grandchildren, I hated discussions about other peoples' kids or grand-kids, but now it is a big part of my life. It is another area where you have to be careful. I've found that some people without children or grandchildren try to be polite and ask about children/grandchildren
It is difficult to have a common denominator with everyone. Sports is a good example. Many people, especially guys, enjoy talking about sports. It helps in the business world to be able to discuss sports, but there are still many people who dislike sports talk. I guess this is why so much small talk centers on the weather. It affects everyone and nobody has strong opinions.
I can top that. My therapist breaks into anti-Trump rants during our sessions. I just stare at her and hope she'll take the hint.
You said: What psychological need is there to continually rant about politics?
It's the need to signal one's status as a member of the in-group and to make derogatory comments about those perceived to be in the corresponding out-group.
Ha! I gotcha beat on that I think, at least for "Wow really?"
I was, years ago, at my gynecologist's office and during an exam, she started talking about the women's march against Trump. I actually said to her, "Could you do me a favor and NOT talk about him while you're doing what you're doing, please?" I mean, of all times. Ugh...*shudder*
In America, people constantly talk politics because we've become impatient and nothing is being done or progressed by our political system. We have so many elections but so little progress because the last, I would say 2+ decades the same ruling party has been in charge of both parties so very little progress for avg people. While those who are motivated and have access to capital are gaining faster.
So people here just incessantly complain, whine about politics. While in some country they don't talk as much about politics because things progress quicker and there is more stability and less inequalities.
I think those that whine about politics, how it hasn't produced any benefit for them are the ones that don't understand enough about our system. It's easy to blame the President but he doesn't make the government. And in this toxic environment where people just blame instead of doing anything we have snowflakes.
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