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I will start by providing some info about me. I am married with kids at the age of mid 30's. I used to be a seaman, a job which I was forced to continue and which I couldnt quit for many years because of lack of confidence. My job influenced me so bad mentally and physically. I used to cry so many times when I was at work for many months, had so many responsibilities, had noone to talk to, was so aggressive and easily irritated, at the same time I was feeling stressed and anxious almost 100% of my time and got many stomach problems, which I still have ofcourse.
So I decided to quit, because I reached a point where it was either that job and me snapping completely or ending everything, or quit it.
So, after my last contract, I decided not to work again in my field because it is simply too unbearable for me, I can't cope with it in any way. I would also like to add that my wife is also not working since she is taking care of our kids all these years.
My relationship with my wife has never been great, we had more downs, than ups. Most of the times we can't find anything to discuss because we have completely different characters and perception about almost everything. But she loves me so much and cares about me and our kids... I, as a husband and father, always feel guilty, either for not spending more time with our children, feeling that I don't do the maximum I can for our children, not be caring enough towards my wife or being rude towards her and so many other things. I feel like I have failed in everything and will follow in the steps of my father, who I don't have any connections with (and never want to) for many years, and this is what fears me even more, to be like him.
Sadly, because of my profession, I can not find any job to do on the land, let alone a job that will provide a living for my family. All these years, my former job provided for everything, but now, I am literally lost. I have savings, but day by day, because of our daily family expenses, they get deflated.
So I started trading in the stockmarket. In the first 2 months, I made approximately 2 thousand dollars, while also reading and studying to get better. But as I learned more, combined with some failed trades, I got more and more scared and pessimistic about my capabilities to be profitable. In the past 2 months, I haven't lost any significant amount of money, but I can't earn money either. There were/are times that I am confident that I can make this work and that I will succeed in this job, and then I am pounded to the ground by bad days and reality (as I perceive it) knocks my door. And this is devastating for me. People say that psychology is literally everything in this business, and mine is at the actual bottom. I am at a point where I even tell my wife that my life is literally over, I have nothing to live or hope for and I wish that I were never alive to begin with.
I visited a psycho therapist last week to improve my general perspective of things and also help me remove my emotions while trading, but the only thing he did was discourage me (because of his personal failed experience with the stockmarket) and promote to me his books about parenthood, behavior etc. So I cancelled the next appointment ofcourse, because I regarded my experience with him an actual waste of money, combined with a dislike towards his character.
I am truly desperate for so many years, always have been a person who was afraid of risks and was always feeling pessimistic about everything in life. I don't know what to do anymore... The last thing I want is for my problematic brain to influence my kids, and my wife (more than it has already done).
I have probably missed a lot, but it would take days to actually write down everything I have in my mind.
I don't know what to do to help myself become a better person, a more successful person. Sadly, I am out of options.
I think you need a good, professional analysis of what jobs would suit your skills and personality. Obviously seaman and stock trading are two that don't work for you.
There are assessments you can take online that will help you figure out what jobs would be more appropriate for you.
I would suggest going to the Enneagram Institute web site, do some reading, and then take a test (either theirs or there are some free ones online).
I would also suggest the Myers-Briggs Inventory, and if it's still around the Strong-Campbell Inventory.
There are probably many others, as well.
Don't give up, and as a piece of advice, I would suggest not voicing anything negative to yourself or your wife.
Try to think of this more objectively - that you are in search of a career that will really suit you.
Good luck and please report back if you take any assessments.
I actually love trading, I educate myself on a daily base and it really is something that I like doing, but the fact that I NEED to make money makes me get stressed and enter trades that I shouldn't. Furthermore, the fact that I devote a lot of time and can't succeed, also comparing my results with others's is making the situation even worse... I will follow your suggestions and see what comes out of it.
I will start by providing some info about me. I am married with kids at the age of mid 30's. I used to be a seaman, a job which I was forced to continue and which I couldnt quit for many years because of lack of confidence. My job influenced me so bad mentally and physically. I used to cry so many times when I was at work for many months, had so many responsibilities, had noone to talk to, was so aggressive and easily irritated, at the same time I was feeling stressed and anxious almost 100% of my time and got many stomach problems, which I still have ofcourse.
So I decided to quit, because I reached a point where it was either that job and me snapping completely or ending everything, or quit it.
So, after my last contract, I decided not to work again in my field because it is simply too unbearable for me, I can't cope with it in any way. I would also like to add that my wife is also not working since she is taking care of our kids all these years.
My relationship with my wife has never been great, we had more downs, than ups. Most of the times we can't find anything to discuss because we have completely different characters and perception about almost everything. But she loves me so much and cares about me and our kids... I, as a husband and father, always feel guilty, either for not spending more time with our children, feeling that I don't do the maximum I can for our children, not be caring enough towards my wife or being rude towards her and so many other things. I feel like I have failed in everything and will follow in the steps of my father, who I don't have any connections with (and never want to) for many years, and this is what fears me even more, to be like him.
Sadly, because of my profession, I can not find any job to do on the land, let alone a job that will provide a living for my family. All these years, my former job provided for everything, but now, I am literally lost. I have savings, but day by day, because of our daily family expenses, they get deflated.
So I started trading in the stockmarket. In the first 2 months, I made approximately 2 thousand dollars, while also reading and studying to get better. But as I learned more, combined with some failed trades, I got more and more scared and pessimistic about my capabilities to be profitable. In the past 2 months, I haven't lost any significant amount of money, but I can't earn money either. There were/are times that I am confident that I can make this work and that I will succeed in this job, and then I am pounded to the ground by bad days and reality (as I perceive it) knocks my door. And this is devastating for me. People say that psychology is literally everything in this business, and mine is at the actual bottom. I am at a point where I even tell my wife that my life is literally over, I have nothing to live or hope for and I wish that I were never alive to begin with.
I visited a psycho therapist last week to improve my general perspective of things and also help me remove my emotions while trading, but the only thing he did was discourage me (because of his personal failed experience with the stockmarket) and promote to me his books about parenthood, behavior etc. So I cancelled the next appointment ofcourse, because I regarded my experience with him an actual waste of money, combined with a dislike towards his character.
I am truly desperate for so many years, always have been a person who was afraid of risks and was always feeling pessimistic about everything in life. I don't know what to do anymore... The last thing I want is for my problematic brain to influence my kids, and my wife (more than it has already done).
I have probably missed a lot, but it would take days to actually write down everything I have in my mind.
I don't know what to do to help myself become a better person, a more successful person. Sadly, I am out of options.
I think maybe you should give the psychologist another chance. He has a good reason to warn you. My BFF lost her entire 401(k) daytrading. She is in the process of bankruptcy due to the debt she incurred during that period. She and her live in partner had taken some very expensive seminars on day trading and thought they knew everything, but she has an addictive personality and that was not a good combination. He did fine, but she did not. Part of the reason for that was that she felt like she had to make a certain amount of money, because she was a stay at home mother and she felt guilty for that.
There’s nothing wrong with investing, but daytrading is a risky game. And it is not a substitute for an actual career. It is not too late for you to figure out what other careers you would like to do even if you have to go back to school for them. Even if you have to try a different psychologist, I strongly suggest trying again for help.
I actually love trading, I educate myself on a daily base and it really is something that I like doing, but the fact that I NEED to make money makes me get stressed and enter trades that I shouldn't. Furthermore, the fact that I devote a lot of time and can't succeed, also comparing my results with others's is making the situation even worse... I will follow your suggestions and see what comes out of it.
You’re young and probably have skills you’re not aware of.
Have you considered going to technical college and learning a trade that builds on what you already know?
You could be a welder, firefighter, plumber, HVAC tech, mechanic, machinist, an accountant, business manager, nurse, or quite a few other active careers where you earn a decent living. (I just read those off the website of our local tech school.)
Don’t give up on yourself. Look at this as a fresh chapter in your life.
I actually love trading, I educate myself on a daily base and it really is something that I like doing, but the fact that I NEED to make money makes me get stressed and enter trades that I shouldn't. Furthermore, the fact that I devote a lot of time and can't succeed, also comparing my results with others's is making the situation even worse... I will follow your suggestions and see what comes out of it.
Probably better addressed in the Finance part of C-D, may wish to hang out there for tips.
I will say this, and if others have found differently, I'll be the first one highly surprised: that kind of trading is handled by supercomputers and sophisticated AI at major brokerages, I'm not sure how you'll beat those other than through luck. Lady Luck is a fickle ______, as you might or might not know. My portfolio is entirely under the guidance of AI at this point, sounds rather "Matrix" I'm sure but this is the way of the future. At the moment I do well, but thousands of others do the same thing so wonder if my averages will beat the market on any long-term basis either.
If you're going to be in finance, and have a talent for it, might want to examine other aspects. I'll leave it to the Finance guys to comment further, but I've seen how people get rich and "day trading" sure isn't it. If you "NEED" to do anything, you'll start making Las Vegas kinds of trades...what I call Cowboy Scores....and one day lose your whole nut. That's not too clever, maybe you're at that point. Time to seriously re-assess get rich quick schemes if that's what you're doing.
Hello again after a long time… I didnt take the enneagram exam proposed above… I am in the worst mental state of my entire life… I just want to quit life… but I am so afraid of death… I feel as if I failed in everything possible… and there is no one out there to help me. I made some therapy sessions via face time with a psychologist until before Easter but she didn’t help me at all and I was feeling as if her ultimate goal was money and not helping me. I don’t want to find any job because the salaries here are dreadful and it will be nowhere near the salary I used to make as a seaman. I feel truly broken. I don’t want to be near my family, I keep telling my wife that I hate her, my mother and everyone. And I don’t think I mean it I just want her to leave me and I don’t know why. I feel such a burden that her and my kids solely depend on me for their survival and it is excruciating not being able to earn money… I tell her all this And she still doesn’t leave… I feel absolutely hopeless…. I really wish there was a switch to just turn myself off because I am unable to hurt myself. Stupid life and money…
Probably better addressed in the Finance part of C-D, may wish to hang out there for tips.
I will say this, and if others have found differently, I'll be the first one highly surprised: that kind of trading is handled by supercomputers and sophisticated AI at major brokerages, I'm not sure how you'll beat those other than through luck. Lady Luck is a fickle ______, as you might or might not know. My portfolio is entirely under the guidance of AI at this point, sounds rather "Matrix" I'm sure but this is the way of the future. At the moment I do well, but thousands of others do the same thing so wonder if my averages will beat the market on any long-term basis either.
If you're going to be in finance, and have a talent for it, might want to examine other aspects. I'll leave it to the Finance guys to comment further, but I've seen how people get rich and "day trading" sure isn't it. If you "NEED" to do anything, you'll start making Las Vegas kinds of trades...what I call Cowboy Scores....and one day lose your whole nut. That's not too clever, maybe you're at that point. Time to seriously re-assess get rich quick schemes if that's what you're doing.
Hello again after a long time… I didnt take the enneagram exam proposed above… I am in the worst mental state of my entire life… I just want to quit life… but I am so afraid of death… I feel as if I failed in everything possible… and there is no one out there to help me. I made some therapy sessions via face time with a psychologist until before Easter but she didn’t help me at all and I was feeling as if her ultimate goal was money and not helping me. I don’t want to find any job because the salaries here are dreadful and it will be nowhere near the salary I used to make as a seaman. I feel truly broken. I don’t want to be near my family, I keep telling my wife that I hate her, my mother and everyone. And I don’t think I mean it I just want her to leave me and I don’t know why. I feel such a burden that her and my kids solely depend on me for their survival and it is excruciating not being able to earn money… I tell her all this And she still doesn’t leave… I feel absolutely hopeless…. I really wish there was a switch to just turn myself off because I am unable to hurt myself. Stupid life and money…
1. Make up your mind you're not quitting at life. Eliminate that as an option.
2. Make a realistic long term plan for a job/career/small business.
3. Find a job, any job. Even if it's a crappy part time job. It will give you structure and purpose while you're working toward something better.
4. If one therapist didn't work, try another.
5. It helps to join a church or other support group.
6. It's totally fine to acknowlege your feelings. BUT, don't let your feelings get in the way of taking action. Take action every day according to what your brain tells you, not your feelings. You can deal with your feelings with your wife/support group/therapist/church. When I was depressed, I told myself that I could ruminate on my sadness/depression at the end of the day for 15 mintues if I wanted to. It gave me something to look forward to. And I got less depressed.
7. Break down action steps into small, measureable tasks. You'll get more of a sense of accomplishment that way.
8. Is there something(s) you need to do that you hate doing? Do that thing(s) first, right at the beginning of the day. You'll be more energized the rest of the day.
9. Forget quick fixes like making a lot of money in the stock market. That's very rare, even rarer for people who are sad/depressed.
10. Watch YouTube channels like Alux for inspiration. But put a time limit on it (like 15 mintues a day, that's about 1 video). Don't let the very practical advice from this channel become another form of entertainment / distraction.
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