Nature or Nurture: What makes someone a loner that hates the outside world? (mentally, husband)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Are you talking extro vs introversion or are you seriously talking about someone with real mental issues? Do you really mean "HATES" the outside world or do you mean someone who is comfortable without the need for constant people around to make them comfortable?
I'm going with nurture on this one. Having a child that was adopted at birth, I have looked at the influences of both, and "a loner that hates the outside world", I would say that comes from the environment that the child has been raised in, unless there would be a contributing mental health issue that was passed down due to "nature". I have never known anyone like that, but I guess if they were a loner, not many people would know such a person.
It sounds like this would very unhappy person though, and that there would be the possibility of turning it around if the person desired that.
Well, as a loner who has mild disdain for the outside world...not hate, not really anything...my opinion is "for some" it's both a bit of environment and bit of nature. Sample size is only one, though: moi.
Nature: up there on the Autism Spectrum Disorder....but not quite in that clinical zone (if that's the term). Right on the edge of what they formerly called 'Aspergers'. Sort of a do-my-own-thing kind of guy, and was from c. age 10 (first time I can remember wanting to mostly do things by myself). That may indeed be a mental health issue, though I don't keep up on the medical literature.
Nurture: I don't think my mother had much use for the idea of motherhood. She was a deeply unhappy person and an empath surrounded by outer-world ISTJ-types: myself, and my dad, and neither had too much understanding nor deep compassion for her plight. To everyone's detriment.
Some loners are high-functioning and successful. Yes, it does hold one back from certain social experiences, notably some of life's major "ceremonies" like marriage, children, couples activities, etc. If one desires those, there may be something to be resolved. If a person is ambivalent, nothing gained nor lost which is a bit difficult for others to understand. I look at it a bit askance, and remark quietly: "Can't miss that which you don't give a whit about."
Such people are not "very unhappy," however. I might agree that it can be turned around, if there is a burning reason to do some or some mental obstacle that should be overcome. For me, though: the unhappiness (if-any) stems from frustration with others. Having to deal with others' social expectations that aren't going to be met by the loner grows very tiresome over the decades. "Going (our) own way" sounds intriguing but is difficult to implement in-practice.
I was very cheerful, friendly, and extraverted as a child.
Then I got "damaged."
I have a strong aversion to "dumb people," so when out in the world, it's often not fun for me. I don't enjoy most people - and not a fan of small talk at all.
I do feel this is "damage" and that my experiences have resulted in a bad attitude where most people are concerned.
I have a strong belief in the Golden Rule, karma, etc. and also get angry when people are mean or unaware of how their actions impact others.
Just being raised together in the same household doesn't mean everybody gets treated the same.
My five siblings are fairly extroverted, and I'm pretty introverted, because mom was working out issues from her own childhood and made me the scapegoat.
Well, as a loner who has mild disdain for the outside world...not hate, not really anything...my opinion is "for some" it's both a bit of environment and bit of nature. Sample size is only one, though: moi.
Nature: up there on the Autism Spectrum Disorder....but not quite in that clinical zone (if that's the term). Right on the edge of what they formerly called 'Aspergers'. Sort of a do-my-own-thing kind of guy, and was from c. age 10 (first time I can remember wanting to mostly do things by myself). That may indeed be a mental health issue, though I don't keep up on the medical literature.
Nurture: I don't think my mother had much use for the idea of motherhood. She was a deeply unhappy person and an empath surrounded by outer-world ISTJ-types: myself, and my dad, and neither had too much understanding nor deep compassion for her plight. To everyone's detriment.
Some loners are high-functioning and successful. Yes, it does hold one back from certain social experiences, notably some of life's major "ceremonies" like marriage, children, couples activities, etc. If one desires those, there may be something to be resolved. If a person is ambivalent, nothing gained nor lost which is a bit difficult for others to understand. I look at it a bit askance, and remark quietly: "Can't miss that which you don't give a whit about."
Such people are not "very unhappy," however. I might agree that it can be turned around, if there is a burning reason to do some or some mental obstacle that should be overcome. For me, though: the unhappiness (if-any) stems from frustration with others. Having to deal with others' social expectations that aren't going to be met by the loner grows very tiresome over the decades. "Going (our) own way" sounds intriguing but is difficult to implement in-practice.
That sounds familiar! I always feel guilty because I don’t want to accept a lot of invitations from family/friends and a lot of my socializing is “obligation” socializing. I will admit Covid has provided cover and a lot of relief! I loved not having to go anywhere on the holidays! I’m very lucky to have met a man who understands my loner tendencies. He knows I need alone time and will go in another room and play Call of Duty or something to give me space. He is very social and that helps because I get alone time while he goes to hang out with his buddies. He does have to explain me somewhat to neighbors who think I don’t like them because he goes and hangs out while I choose to stay home a lot. It’s not personal at all, I just prefer to be home. Again, Covid has provided some cover and some relief of guilt I feel for not being “normal”.
Most psychologists these days agree that a person's temperament is inborn. If you're born an Introvert, you are always going to be an Introvert. If you're born an Extrovert, you're always going to be an Extrovert.
That said, temperament is like a rubber band. You can stretch it. Through life experiences (nurture), introverts can learn to be more extroverted, and extroverts can learn to be more introverted. But you can only stretch the band so far before it breaks.
We Introverts often have a reputation for being "loners who hate the outside world." But that isn't it at all. We should experience the world differently than extroverts.
Are you talking extro vs introversion or are you seriously talking about someone with real mental issues? Do you really mean "HATES" the outside world or do you mean someone who is comfortable without the need for constant people around to make them comfortable?
There's a big difference between someone who enjoys their own company and doesn't require a lot of interaction with others and someone who avoids any social contact and stews in bitterness and hate.
The first category (myself included) is perfectly normal for an introvert and is a "nature" issue. The second category is definitely "nurture" and is usually born out of years of hurt and rejection by others.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
