What are the psychological signs/behaviors of someone who never lived on their own outside of their parent's house?
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I personally believe it can make perfect sense for adult kids to continue living at home, for a variety of reasons. However, it takes healthy people psychologically to live together successfully, and in this case, I believe that the parent(s) should interact with the kid(s) adult to adult. Easier said than done.
My 18 year old granddaughter is living with me and going to college. This works well for many reasons but one of them is because I give her a lot of autonomy and she respects my boundaries as well. I don't micromanage her business but I am interested and give her pointers if necessary. She picks up after herself and respects my schedule. It works for us but I don't know how long it will work. We'll just have to play it by ear.
When my husband got divorced from his ex wife when he was in his early forties, he moved in with his parents temporarily and it was awful. I remember him telling me that his mom refused to allow him to take a shower after 8 pm. This was at the other end of the house but she could apparently still hear the water running. He always took a shower to relax for bed at the end of the day. He told me, "I knew then that it just wasn't going to work." Thankfully his plan was to move out within a few weeks anyway and he did so, but still...Oh and his mom would also get furious when he wasn't there for dinner - and he was hardly ever there for dinner and didn't expect her to feed him, but she wanted "the family" to sit down together at 6 pm every night to eat dinner together - I guess like they did when my husband was a kid.
I think it's a challenge for some parents - and some adult kids - to transition to interacting adult to adult instead of parent to child.
We are talking about 2 types of people - one who has never left home and depends on their mother/father to support them into adulthood - the stereotypical example of the basement dweller playing video games all day. On the other hand, there are those who live with parents, work, and contribute to the household expenses and duties.
The first example may have some dependency issues, but IMO there is nothing wrong with the second example. If all parties are fine with it, what's the problem?
I agree.
The 30 year old son of a good friend has always lived at home. He originally lived at home to save money during college. After he received his degree he continued to live at home. He has a full time job, drives his own car, has a social life (albeit somewhat limited) and hobbies outside of the home. My good friend says that they basically "live as room mates". He pays half of the utilities and pays some rent towards the taxes and paid off mortgage. This eases up the finances of the mother. They usually buy their own groceries (or take turns) and make their own food, except for occasionally scheduling a joint meal. They share the household responsibilities such as cleaning and laundry or take turns.
My friend, the mother, is happy and the 30 year old, the son, is happy, too. Win! Win!
We are talking about 2 types of people - one who has never left home and depends on their mother/father to support them into adulthood - the stereotypical example of the basement dweller playing video games all day. On the other hand, there are those who live with parents, work, and contribute to the household expenses and duties.
The first example may have some dependency issues, but IMO there is nothing wrong with the second example. If all parties are fine with it, what's the problem?
My oldest uncle was an example of the second type. He lived with his widowed mother until he got married in middle age. I was told that finances were going to get tighter for his mother when he left, as he had paid more than his share of the utilities.
What are the signs that someone never left home and they are now an adult (age wise) and show the signs/behaviors that they never lived on their own outside of the parent's house?
Are you trying to find faults in this specific demographic? Please let the stereotypes alone, and don't create any of your own stereotypes either. Tryin to find fault with families based on the time period they remain living together after kids are adults is trying to find fault where there is one. It's preference.
My brother is a classic example of someone that failed to thrive. He lived off of our mother until the day she died. He wound up homeless on a beach in Florida. I have no clue where he is today or if he's dead or alive.
Our tenants daughter dropped out of high school, never worked and continues to live in her bedroom isolated from society and responsibility. Her parents enable her. My mother enabled my brother as well. Why do parents do this?
I've seen many examples of this working in the hospital. Grown adults that never worked and are desperate to keep their meal ticket alive. Once that social security ends, their free ride is over. I've seen their abusive melt downs when they finally realize that health care workers can't do the impossible and that when your time is up. That's it.
I often wonder what happens to these adult children that never have an ambition to grow and live independent. There's a lot of them out there.
Is it mental illness or just plain laziness? Either way. It's definitely weakness.
mental illness is not weakness, neither is physical illness. It is not normal to do what you described so no matter how healthy they are, no one chooses to be homeless on the street. Brain isn't wired right. Show compassion ok
When do you expect you will ever move out on your own like adults normally do?
Is your income going to increase substantially to some day allow you to afford a dwelling?
When will that be? 30 years old, 35, 40? There is no time like now.
You are basically biding your time, coasting, until luck comes along.
If you don't think it is abnormal for someone of age who does not strike out on their own, then you are sadly mistaken. As an adult it is the time to break out from behind your mothers apron and forge a life for yourself.
Here's what people do when they can't afford average rent. They look for something cheaper that pays for utilities. You might have to live in a scruffier neighbourhood for a year or so until you get a job that pays better which is what you do if your job does not pay enough to pay rent and basic necessities or you get a second job. Lots of people do it and make that sacrifice to be independent.. There is responsibility to being an adult and sometimes it is heavy. Can you imagine giving up your trading account because it costs you 1/4 of your pay cheque? If you gave that up you wouldn't have to be on top of your tired parents every day and they could be free of you and have some privacy in their own house.
The poster wouldn't be able to sock away $375 a week and get the free meals if they lived on their own ... squeak, squeak.
Plus, they'll be getting a house when the parents leave.
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