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I am a male turning 24 years of age and found myself suddenly depressed about my life in general. Throughout my life, but mainly from my late teens i had bouts of "nostalgia" for the past times but never this bad. I guess since I am approaching the big 25 number it is hitting me hard.
See this is the thing. I never had a GF in my life. It was a combination of things. I was pretty much a buffoon in my younger years and felt like love would come to me and that i didnt have to aproach girls.
I came close a few times but never really had the experience of true youthful mad love that a typical 18 year old goes through. Now 5 years older I feel like I missed the boat and am never going to experience that crazy youthful, rolling on the beach type of love typical for that age range. Because of this fact, that I never had the chance to experience that true, honest and mad love that 17, 18 , 19 year olds do, I literally feel so devastated that it hurts in my chest when i think how it is gone and i can never get that back. Being a true romantic in my soul doesnt help at all.
I mean...where the hell did the years go?? Like yesterday I was 19 just starting university.
Really, I am devastated and terribly depressed about this. When i was a kid i had a fear that i am actually dreaming about being a kid and that I will wake up one day as a 90 year old at the very end of his life. Nowadays sometimes I have this fantasy that I am actually still 18 and just dreaming about being 24 and will wake up from this bad dream.
I also need to add some things. Perhaps this is what partly sparked this feeling in me. Last summer i had fallen in love with the most beautiful girl i have ever seen and it was actually she who was giving me the eye. I was so dumbfounded by that prospect that i didnt do anything, also the fact that at that very moment my parents were with me meant i didnt feel like a man! When i returned few days later by myself she was gone! Again, i was completely devastated for weeks.
Are there any tips on how can I try to get myself out of this very dark position? Being 23-24 i feel like i am at the tail end of my true youth and yes, i know its not old at all and actually i am more attractive nowadays and more girls are giving me the eye than when i was 18 (kinda a late bloomer i wasnt really handsome at 18) so i know now when i know all my mistakes from the past i can talk to girls and have started, but being like a said a true romantic i am just scared that it wont be that "magical" like that "rolling on the beach" type of love i dreamt about when i was a teenager as it seems exclusive to those very young, "innocent" and naive years.
I then try to think of sth like world war ii and million sof young men who died to never experience that true love, but still i feel devastated, because although i have never met a girl during these years who i had gone crazy about, i feel like i could have if i have only done a little more...
Are there things i should do in terms of changing my life upside down that i should do to try to get myself out of this? I feel like if this continues it will not end well. I cannot imagine myself approaching 30 and being the way i am now (no gf, no love, still living with my parents (but have a job)) i wouldnt be able to take it.
The biggest reason for causing me depression is this great void that i am feeling, no experience of mad youthful love i dreamt about when i was 14, 15 etc. Whenener i hear a song about very young people being in love it hits me hard. Whenever i hear a song that i didnt listen to since my late teens i am devastated. I feel like all of that was yesterday and that i have wasted it all.
If only I was able to transition to my younger self with just one piece of advice, a single sentence to bring with me...
Seriously is it the time for me to simply turn my life upside down, perhaps move to another continent or sth like that? Because like i said i dont know where this dark road is going. I dont drink and i dont take drugs and of course dont consider it, but i just think this will take a toll on my mental health and i wont be myself anymore.
I am in a position in life where i think the wisest thing to do is to stop being focused on myself and devote my life for betterment of others, since obviously I cant live with my regrets.
Di you have a job that pays well? If not find it , earn money and go to thailand and roll over in the beach.
Dont get stuck in that illusion. Except ur dog no one loves you unconditionaly.
Yes, COVID is hindering us from having a more carefree life than we'd like, but again...there's nothing any of us can do about that. We just have to make the best of it. We can't wallow into a deep depression.
Honestly? Plenty of people were never able to have "a more carefree life than {they'd} like" even before Covid. Whether that's because of their health/disabilities, finances, family responsibilities, etc. Whenever I'm unhappy that I can't do a bunch of stuff outside of home, go to the gym, travel, etc., I stop feeling sorry for myself when I remember that at least I was *ever* able to do those things, and will be able to do them again in future...because so many other people never could/will get to.
Let me get this straight. You are 24 and already have nostalgia for the past. My goodness.
My tips are the following.
- Everything in life is temporary even life itself. Most people that were alive 100 years ago are dead. There is no need to "speed things up."
- The past is the past. Gone, finished, over. It will never come back. Its ok to think about the nicer parts from time to time, but life is about the now and the future, not the past. Spend most of your time living the now and planning for the future.
- It may not seem like it because to you 24 years is a lifetime, but its really not a very long time. Think about when you were 15. Being 24 seemed like so far into the future, yet its here before you even noticed and just as quickly it will be gone. The same will happen when you are 34, 44, etc.
I also say you have too much time on your hands. Find a hobby, a girlfriend (or boyfriend), something that will keep you busy and the focus on something else.
DreamOfLife, I had a "slower" start in life & what I mean is that I didn't do some of life's milestones that most do by a certain age or age range. My strict parents wouldn't allow me to date until & was not only 18, but graduated from HS too. Now I was allowed to go to my senior prom, which I did, but that was the only date I went on. So I don't feel like I missed out on "young dating years" starting at 15-16. I don't think ANYONE should date that young anyway myself. If it was up to ME, no one would date until they're at least 18 AND graduated from HS. Young people don't need those dating pressures, especially about sex.
Another common life miliestone, I didn't move out of my parents' house till later than many & my parents weren't ever the types to say, "Once you're 18 or 21, you're out". No, no, no. They wanted me to have a pleasant, stress-free, non-pressured start in my adulthood by knowing that I can still live w/ them (which was absolutely fine w/ me) while I attended & enjoyed college.
So don't feel like life's passing you by already. There's plenty of time & if you do things in life that's later than many people (getting married, buying a home, having kids, etc.), then oh well, so be it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by K12144
Honestly? Plenty of people were never able to have "a more carefree life than {they'd} like" even before Covid. Whether that's because of their health/disabilities, finances, family responsibilities, etc. Whenever I'm unhappy that I can't do a bunch of stuff outside of home, go to the gym, travel, etc., I stop feeling sorry for myself when I remember that at least I was *ever* able to do those things, and will be able to do them again in future...because so many other people never could/will get to.
True but, I'm not even talking about all those aspects (good health to do things, financial, etc.), but the plain fact that more public places are closed than ever before. For example, I love museums & amusement park, but we can't go there until who knows when. Maybe if they have an OUTDOOR museum exhibit area, then maybe so, but otherwise, no. And I know amusement parks in FL are open, but not here in CA. I used to go to the movies quite a lot, but they're closed in my area. So, yes, COVID has put a damper on enjoyable life activities.
Heck, the BIGGIE for me personally is that I was set to go to the 2020 Tokyo Olympics last summer, but of course that's postponed. I honestly don't see it happening in just about 5-6 mos from now either...no way. I got most of my money back, but not all of it, which I'm still trying to get back. The organization who runs the Olympics as well as travel companies, sporting event ticket companies, etc. will always say, "it's POSTPONED" so they have an excuse to try not to have to give people refunds. Because if they say it's "Canceled", they know they'll have to refund the money. Well, the Olympics can keep getting postoned every year for 10+ yrs for that matter.
Actually, the latest I heard was that if they don't have the Summer Olympics this time around, they won't keep postponing it. I also heard that since the state of FL has things open over there that the Summer Olympics might be held there. Either way, I sure don't feel comfortable going.
Last edited by Forever Blue; 02-03-2021 at 08:46 AM..
DreamOfLife, I had a "slower" start in life & what I mean is that I didn't do some of life's milestones that most do by a certain age or age range. My strict parents wouldn't allow me to date until & was not only 18, but graduated from HS too. Now I was allowed to go to my senior prom, which I did, but that was the only date I went on. So I don't feel like I missed out on "young dating years" starting at 15-16. I don't think ANYONE should date that young anyway myself. If it was up to ME, no one would date until they're at least 18 AND graduated from HS. Young people don't need those dating pressures, especially about sex.
Another common life miliestone, I didn't move out of my parents' house till later than many & my parents weren't ever the types to say, "Once you're 18 or 21, you're out". No, no, no. They wanted me to have a pleasant, stress-free, non-pressured start in my adulthood by knowing that I can still live w/ them (which was absolutely fine w/ me) while I attended & enjoyed college.
So don't feel like life's passing you by already. There's plenty of time & if you do things in life that's later than many people (getting married, buying a home, having kids, etc.), then oh well, so be it.
True but, I'm not even talking about all those aspects (good health to do things, financial, etc.), but the plain fact that more public places are closed than ever before. For example, I love museums & amusement park, but we can't go there until who knows when. Maybe if they have an OUTDOOR museum exhibit area, then maybe so, but otherwise, no. And I know amusement parks in FL are open, but not here in CA. I used to go to the movies quite a lot, but they're closed in my area. So, yes, COVID has put a damper on enjoyable life activities.
Heck, the BIGGIE for me personally is that I was set to go to the 2020 Tokyo Olympics last summer, but of course that's postponed. I honestly don't see it happening in just about 5-6 mos from now either...no way. I got most of my money back, but not all of it, which I'm still trying to get back. The organization who runs the Olympics as well as travel companies, sporting event ticket companies, etc. will always say, "it's POSTPONED" so they have an excuse to try not to have to give people refunds. Because if they say it's "Canceled", they know they'll have to refund the money. Well, the Olympics can keep getting postoned every year for 10+ yrs for that matter.
Actually, the latest I heard was that if they don't have the Summer Olympics this time around, they won't keep postponing it. I also heard that since the state of FL has things open over there that the Summer Olympics might be held there. Either way, I sure don't feel comfortable going.
Beautiful post. Many of us waste our time impressing people who are hardly any use to us while forgetting who care for us the most.
Thank you for the support very much. Its just so hard for me to get over the fact that i put so little, next to no effort in approaching girls at a younger age. There is this gaping void that cannot be filled, memories that simply arent there.
Yes i am going to drive myself bonkers regretting myself, already at a very dark place. Its weird how none of this really concerned me 6 months ago and then it gripped me without letting go.
Yes i know, past cannot be changed...sigh...
Perhaps this extreme anxiety was just what was needed to push me in the right direcrion.
I think you will recover from this way-too-premature feeling of desolation once this damn Covid crap ends and we can return to a fairly normal lifestyle. Cheer up... the end is nigh!
I am a male turning 24 years of age and found myself suddenly depressed about my life in general. Throughout my life, but mainly from my late teens i had bouts of "nostalgia" for the past times but never this bad. I guess since I am approaching the big 25 number it is hitting me hard.
See this is the thing. I never had a GF in my life. It was a combination of things. I was pretty much a buffoon in my younger years and felt like love would come to me and that i didnt have to aproach girls.
I came close a few times but never really had the experience of true youthful mad love that a typical 18 year old goes through. Now 5 years older I feel like I missed the boat and am never going to experience that crazy youthful, rolling on the beach type of love typical for that age range. Because of this fact, that I never had the chance to experience that true, honest and mad love that 17, 18 , 19 year olds do, I literally feel so devastated that it hurts in my chest when i think how it is gone and i can never get that back. Being a true romantic in my soul doesnt help at all.
I mean...where the hell did the years go?? Like yesterday I was 19 just starting university.
Really, I am devastated and terribly depressed about this. When i was a kid i had a fear that i am actually dreaming about being a kid and that I will wake up one day as a 90 year old at the very end of his life. Nowadays sometimes I have this fantasy that I am actually still 18 and just dreaming about being 24 and will wake up from this bad dream.
I also need to add some things. Perhaps this is what partly sparked this feeling in me. Last summer i had fallen in love with the most beautiful girl i have ever seen and it was actually she who was giving me the eye. I was so dumbfounded by that prospect that i didnt do anything, also the fact that at that very moment my parents were with me meant i didnt feel like a man! When i returned few days later by myself she was gone! Again, i was completely devastated for weeks.
Are there any tips on how can I try to get myself out of this very dark position? Being 23-24 i feel like i am at the tail end of my true youth and yes, i know its not old at all and actually i am more attractive nowadays and more girls are giving me the eye than when i was 18 (kinda a late bloomer i wasnt really handsome at 18) so i know now when i know all my mistakes from the past i can talk to girls and have started, but being like a said a true romantic i am just scared that it wont be that "magical" like that "rolling on the beach" type of love i dreamt about when i was a teenager as it seems exclusive to those very young, "innocent" and naive years.
I then try to think of sth like world war ii and million sof young men who died to never experience that true love, but still i feel devastated, because although i have never met a girl during these years who i had gone crazy about, i feel like i could have if i have only done a little more...
Are there things i should do in terms of changing my life upside down that i should do to try to get myself out of this? I feel like if this continues it will not end well. I cannot imagine myself approaching 30 and being the way i am now (no gf, no love, still living with my parents (but have a job)) i wouldnt be able to take it.
The biggest reason for causing me depression is this great void that i am feeling, no experience of mad youthful love i dreamt about when i was 14, 15 etc. Whenener i hear a song about very young people being in love it hits me hard. Whenever i hear a song that i didnt listen to since my late teens i am devastated. I feel like all of that was yesterday and that i have wasted it all.
If only I was able to transition to my younger self with just one piece of advice, a single sentence to bring with me...
Seriously is it the time for me to simply turn my life upside down, perhaps move to another continent or sth like that? Because like i said i dont know where this dark road is going. I dont drink and i dont take drugs and of course dont consider it, but i just think this will take a toll on my mental health and i wont be myself anymore.
I am in a position in life where i think the wisest thing to do is to stop being focused on myself and devote my life for betterment of others, since obviously I cant live with my regrets.
Like a lot of people who are thinking myopically, you mistakenly seem to believe that pretty much everyone else has experienced what you want for yourself and that you have missed your one chance at happiness. Remember that for every song there is about young people in love there's another one about young heartbreak. Yin and yang. "True, honest, and mad love" can exist an any age, but in a mentally healthy adult who maintains healthy boundaries when it comes to relationships, it's less consuming as there are more natural distractions that come with being an adult who's doing the things that adults do, i.e., working, keeping house, paying bills, etc. Teens have a lot more headspace to devote to obsessions. That and hormones are in overdrive, making rational thought a bit more of a challenge.
This might be easier said than done, but you have to let go of this way of thinking as it seems to emotionally crippling you. In reality, nothing is "gone" other than your early young adulthood, but you have to move forward instead of dwelling upon a past that never was. Don't look to a relationship to salve what's ailing you, either. How unfair it is to put that burden upon a person who you've not yet met? Don't ever see a person as a "chance" or an "opportunity." A lot of people who feel as though there's something that's missing in their lives do that only to end up either left behind or dreadfully unhappy because they settled for someone who wasn't a very good fit. Romantic partners do not exist in order for you to complete yourself. A solid, loving relationship is based upon two complete people with different strengths and weaknesses coming together to make a greater whole.
While it might not be necessary to turn your life upside down, it might do you a lot of good to make plans to get out from under your parents' roof; to fully begin to "adult" on your own--either with or without roommates as finances permit. Don't be that person who lives with their parents and relies on a romantic partner to drag them out of there.
What plans, goals, and dreams do you have for your present and future that don't involve romance? You might find that if you focus on those things, that what you're seeking might present itself when you least expect it. It might not feel like it now, but your best days are quite likely ahead of you and not behind in the fleeting teenaged years.
Think of what you've dodged. Teen pregnancy. Having your heart broken, and being humiliated by a failed love but still having to go to class every day where the girl who broke your heart is still there two desks over. The phenomenon that you've already had the love of your life, and you'll never get over her, before you're even fully an adult. It happens. A LOT of boys don't ever get over their first teenage lover.
Move on, OP.
I actually agree with this ^^^. Maybe men look back on high school as when they were in their prime (supposedly).
I had a relationship at barely 18 that I thought was a forever love, but 5 months later I was ready to move on and broke up. I figured it would be “nice” to stay in touch afterwards for a couple of years but that was probably a mistake. Ten years later I got an angry midnight phone call, blaming me for ruining his life, etc. I was stunned.
My sister got a call in her 60s from a high school boyfriend who sadly said he wished they had gotten married right after high school as his life has never been happy. She had gone on to college as he did, but after 2 unsuccessful marriages I guess he was dealing with “what could have been”.
OP, teen love can be sweet but certainly not as romanticized as you think, especially these days. It can cause many issues and really affect developing egos. Some teens get involved and over their heads way too early in their lives which can have major consequences.
It is tough with Covid, but make yourself available and open to new relationships. You are very young. Consider the fact that many people do not marry until their 30s now when they are more stable and emotionally secure.
I am a male turning 24 years of age and found myself suddenly depressed about my life in general. Throughout my life, but mainly from my late teens i had bouts of "nostalgia" for the past times but never this bad. I guess since I am approaching the big 25 number it is hitting me hard.
See this is the thing. I never had a GF in my life. It was a combination of things. I was pretty much a buffoon in my younger years and felt like love would come to me and that i didnt have to aproach girls.
I came close a few times but never really had the experience of true youthful mad love that a typical 18 year old goes through. Now 5 years older I feel like I missed the boat and am never going to experience that crazy youthful, rolling on the beach type of love typical for that age range. Because of this fact, that I never had the chance to experience that true, honest and mad love that 17, 18 , 19 year olds do, I literally feel so devastated that it hurts in my chest when i think how it is gone and i can never get that back. Being a true romantic in my soul doesnt help at all.
I mean...where the hell did the years go?? Like yesterday I was 19 just starting university.
Really, I am devastated and terribly depressed about this. When i was a kid i had a fear that i am actually dreaming about being a kid and that I will wake up one day as a 90 year old at the very end of his life. Nowadays sometimes I have this fantasy that I am actually still 18 and just dreaming about being 24 and will wake up from this bad dream.
I also need to add some things. Perhaps this is what partly sparked this feeling in me. Last summer i had fallen in love with the most beautiful girl i have ever seen and it was actually she who was giving me the eye. I was so dumbfounded by that prospect that i didnt do anything, also the fact that at that very moment my parents were with me meant i didnt feel like a man! When i returned few days later by myself she was gone! Again, i was completely devastated for weeks.
Are there any tips on how can I try to get myself out of this very dark position? Being 23-24 i feel like i am at the tail end of my true youth and yes, i know its not old at all and actually i am more attractive nowadays and more girls are giving me the eye than when i was 18 (kinda a late bloomer i wasnt really handsome at 18) so i know now when i know all my mistakes from the past i can talk to girls and have started, but being like a said a true romantic i am just scared that it wont be that "magical" like that "rolling on the beach" type of love i dreamt about when i was a teenager as it seems exclusive to those very young, "innocent" and naive years.
I then try to think of sth like world war ii and million sof young men who died to never experience that true love, but still i feel devastated, because although i have never met a girl during these years who i had gone crazy about, i feel like i could have if i have only done a little more...
Are there things i should do in terms of changing my life upside down that i should do to try to get myself out of this? I feel like if this continues it will not end well. I cannot imagine myself approaching 30 and being the way i am now (no gf, no love, still living with my parents (but have a job)) i wouldnt be able to take it.
The biggest reason for causing me depression is this great void that i am feeling, no experience of mad youthful love i dreamt about when i was 14, 15 etc. Whenener i hear a song about very young people being in love it hits me hard. Whenever i hear a song that i didnt listen to since my late teens i am devastated. I feel like all of that was yesterday and that i have wasted it all.
If only I was able to transition to my younger self with just one piece of advice, a single sentence to bring with me...
Seriously is it the time for me to simply turn my life upside down, perhaps move to another continent or sth like that? Because like i said i dont know where this dark road is going. I dont drink and i dont take drugs and of course dont consider it, but i just think this will take a toll on my mental health and i wont be myself anymore.
I am in a position in life where i think the wisest thing to do is to stop being focused on myself and devote my life for betterment of others, since obviously I cant live with my regrets.
I'm not what you should do...maybe speak with a therapist. If you're not careful this business of looking back can turn into a life-long pattern of what ifs. I'm 63 and found that life is filled with crossroads and potential minefields. You do the best you can keep moving forward.
Also give yourself a few bonus points: You don't drink or do drugs which is a major plus when making healthy decisions.
In addition remember...life goes by fast. You're only young once so make the most of this time. I own property, have money in the bank and few financial worries.
But to be honest... I'd trade it all to be 25, broke and living in a flop house again.
OP...It's never too late to live the life you want to live. Take steps right now to make the happen!
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