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Otterhere, since we don't know you, it's hard to address your situation specifically, but I will opine on what makes people sought after in my world.
1. Genuinely caring and engaging, and a good listener and conversationalist. They make you feel interesting and involved, and they remember to follow up on conversations you had earlier, "how is your mom after her surgery"? etc.
2. They're movers and shakers and they create fun, and if you stay close to them you'll be invited to all kinds of adventures and will be at the fun end of the lunch table, and through them you'll get to know a lot of interesting people. They themselves may be annoying, or self-involved, but they're a catalyst for good things.
Again, I'm not seeking counsel for myself; just using myself as an illustration.
1. Can't agree with this. The most "beloved" (and thus I assume lovable) people I know seldom listen!
The old saying, "There's a lid for every pot" applies here. I'm a retired scientist in a field that attracts some people that most would consider "oddballs." Yet they found people who handled their personalities just fine and love them just as they are. Or as my step-niece the PhD astrophysicist said about finding a boyfriend in her field, "The odds are good, but the goods are odd." (She did eventually marry another astrophysicist!)
You might just have a very particular size and shape of pot that fewer lids fit. But you are right not to try to change yourself into someone you're not - that only leads to loss of self, which is worse than being alone.
Ah, my old friend Parnassia! I don't think I'm "negative," a "Debbie Downer," or a "Sad Sack Sam." I think I'm honest and pragmatic. "Negative" is a label thrown around a lot today at anyone who disagrees with your point of view or states an inconvenient truth.
And I certainly don't think of or portray myself as a "victim."
But thanks for the input!
I found your response here off putting. "Honest" is subjective. While "negative" might be thrown around a lot, some people are, indeed, negative. I have never seen the term "negative" as assigned with someone who has a different point of view, and again "inconvenient truth" is subjective. You just kinda belittled anyone who doesn't agree with you.
You did ask a question, it will be interesting to go back and see if you agree with anyone's take.
Either way, no one here knows you in person, so expecting good feedback is probably unrealistic.
Do you have any friends you can ask?
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One of my best friends is pretty much universally liked by everyone. She wears her heart on her sleeve (vulnerability), is fun and outgoing, and makes you feel good about yourself.
But here is the rub, she is not really happy with her life, and cannot find a long term relationship.
I seem to acquire both, some people can't stand me, others think I am the best. I'm fine with that.
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Some people are unlovable due to their physical looks or certain personality traits. Not everyone is coupled or in a romantic relationship or has had significant others or has had longer term romantic relationships or dates others or has close friendships.
And age is a factor. It can be very different for one after a certain age.
This is one of the greatest joys and benefits of having a pet. They love you unconditionally just the way you are.
Or, at least they act like they do. I've become increasingly aware of the AmStaff and Pit Bull's propensity to gather in a corner of the living room, communicating quietly while I type away in the dining room.
I think they are formulating a takeover plot, and if no one hears from me again, they will likely have succeeded. Perhaps the only thing stopping them is the insofar unsolvable Doorknob Principal (credit to Gary Larson)
The old saying, "There's a lid for every pot" applies here. I'm a retired scientist in a field that attracts some people that most would consider "oddballs." Yet they found people who handled their personalities just fine and love them just as they are. Or as my step-niece the PhD astrophysicist said about finding a boyfriend in her field, "The odds are good, but the goods are odd." (She did eventually marry another astrophysicist!)
You might just have a very particular size and shape of pot that fewer lids fit. But you are right not to try to change yourself into someone you're not - that only leads to loss of self, which is worse than being alone.
It doesn't bother me to be alone. I had my chances to marry and declined! Never wanted kids, either. Definitely an odd duck! But I like me that way.
I found your response here off putting. "Honest" is subjective. While "negative" might be thrown around a lot, some people are, indeed, negative. I have never seen the term "negative" as assigned with someone who has a different point of view, and again "inconvenient truth" is subjective. You just kinda belittled anyone who doesn't agree with you.
You did ask a question, it will be interesting to go back and see if you agree with anyone's take.
Either way, no one here knows you in person, so expecting good feedback is probably unrealistic.
Do you have any friends you can ask?
I found P's response "off-putting." And this is a poster I recognize. Yes, I do agree with some of the "takes." And yes, I do; I've already shared some of their feedback. Again, this post isn't about me; I'm not looking for personal counseling.
And age is a factor. It can be very different for one after a certain age.
Definitely... I always liked and got along better with men than with women (my interests are more athletic than shopping and lunching; men are also more straightforward, and I appreciate that), so I've had a few friendships were I was content with this -- I had other men for romance -- and they wanted more. So their interest was sexual. I haven't had many of those lately!
Last edited by otterhere; 04-04-2021 at 06:20 PM..
or, at least they act like they do. I've become increasingly aware of the amstaff and pit bull's propensity to gather in a corner of the living room, communicating quietly while i type away in the dining room.
I think they are formulating a takeover plot, and if no one hears from me again, they will likely have succeeded. Perhaps the only thing stopping them is the insofar unsolvable doorknob principal (credit to gary larson)
lol
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